Monday, June 28, 2010

Lacking motivation...need help!

So I am four weeks into P90X.  Oh wait.  Except I was sick for two weeks, and since P90X works on the theory of muscle confusion, I can't just pick up where I left off.  So, this week we are going to actually repeat Week 2 instead of starting Week 5 (or even Week 3 since that was the week in which we got sick).  This is so we don't hit a recovery week too quickly. 

Ugh.

I am SO frustrated.  I need motivation.  I got on the scale this morning.  NOT GOOD.  This is the heaviest I've been post-GB.  I weigh 233 pounds!!  And I am starting a new medication soon...which generally guarantees me a 15 pounds weight gain within a couple of weeks.  I can't afford that. 

I am in a catch-22.  I am exhausted.  All day.  Everyday.  I get in bed.  Wide awake.  It makes it difficult to get up at 5 a.m. to work out during the week.  And if I work out at night, my sleep pattern will be even more messed up (not to mention, its so much easier to wiggle out of working out when you get home from work and you're tired).  When I'm not working out, I have a hard time sleeping.  So I don't work out, can't sleep, can't get up in the morning, and don't work out.  How do you break this pattern?! 

Don't get me wrong, I haven't gone completely inactive.  In fact, last week alone, I got in two trampoline sessions at Sky High Sports in Concord, plus a 5k.  On Wednesday, I did some strength training with a couple of my Twirly Girls (and I'm STILL sore from that, five days later!!).  Saturday, I did the 5k and tramps on the same day!  But I'm still fat.  And getting fatter by the minute. 

Of course, I still have my Twirly Girls.  But I don't have my pole set up at home yet and the summer has been busy so I've only been able to make it to class three times this month.  And, at the end of the day, the strength stuff is great, but I need more cardio to lose weight (refer back to Rule No. 1!!).  I feel out of touch with my pole skills right now too.  I am still not climbing or holding for long.  Definitely can't invert.  I WANT TO DO ALL OF THE COOL TRICKS!!!  But I am also not practicing like I should. 

I don't eat terribly but I have a sweet tooth lately.  If I could eat cookies for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I think I would!  I'm glad they make me sick because at least I have to stop sometime.  I don't pretend I'm the most disciplined gastric bypass patient, but I sure have tried to be good more often than not, so why am I starting to fail now?  Over six years later?  Maybe because I'm happy?  When I'm depressed, I don't eat.  Lately, I feel good.  Rob and I are happy.  Work is busy (which I like).  I have great friends.  What is there to hate?  Perhaps I need to find someone/thing to dislike.  Then I can go back to being sad and starving myself. 

I'm kidding, of course.  But I am looking for motivation.  What motivates you?  All the regular stuff clearly isn't working.  I'd love to look great in a bathing suit or be healthy and actually run an entire 5k.  But cookies are yummy.  :-)




9 comments:

  1. I'll have John come over and yell at you. That will make you sad and not eat ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's so true. It makes me cry. So, that's probably a good idea.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Best private response (PART 1):

    read your blog. Ugh..been there man. i feel it. so here is what i have to say.

    SUCK IT UP, PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND DO IT!

    Seriously!!! Every day is about choices. the sad fact of the matter is, having to watch what we eat and drink and do to keep our weight in check is something we will both have to watch EVERY day the rest of our lives. I whined about it a long time that it sucked that i couldn't eat cheeseburgers and drink what i wanted and never get fat like other girls do, and whine whine whine. Finally, i woke the hell up and said-"It is what it is! THIS is me and my body. if i am unhappy with it-what the HELL am i going to do about it?? " Every day i have to make the decision-do i want to be fat and a size 28 again? or do i want to suck it up and work out and take control of it and hold myself accountable?

    The question I ask myself is "Do i want to be fat again? OR NOT?" or do i want to be able to look at myself in the mirror? cause at 300 pounds, i was one miserable person. wearing mens jeans and mens t-shirts cause that's all that fit. Think about where you were 6 years ago? were you happy then? did you like You then? Didn't you KNOW there was a better life than the one you were living every day? Every day you make excuses for yourself, you are one step closer to where you WERE. Make a giant leap FORWARD. There are so many people that have the surgery and end up right where they were before or worse (like my sister.) BE A SUCCESS story, not one of the negative statistics!

    I don't always like working out-but i'll tell you, that hour i do work out, makes me feel so freaking good the other 23 hours in the day-it's worth it.do i suck it up.
    It's a slippery ass slope once a little weight here and a little weight there creeps back on. i have gained back 50 pounds twice and it sucks. AND it's twice as hard to get it back off. i feel horrible, my self esteem is shot. And there is NO one to blame but ME!

    ReplyDelete
  4. PART 2:

    You have already figured out that working out in the afternoon is too easy to blow off. so if you want to make it happen, you have to suck it up and do it in the morning. I was not always a morning work out person. But the gym was so crowded when i went after work, i ended up not even going half the time. So i started getting up earlier in the morning. and here is the thing-it will SUCK ASS the first week. you will be dragging-but get up and even if your work out is half assed-get up and do it. after a week, your internal clock will reset. because your body will start being tired earlier and you will fall asleep earlier in order to get up earlier. and i take melatonin every night. Swear by that stuff. i give it to my dogs too!! it's a miracle! and all natural. and here is the plus-when most people are just rolling out of bed, you have already burned off 400 or 500 calories and your work out is done. any extra cardio you do after that-is extra! and i can say for me, once i have sweated it out at the butt crack of dawn, my body feels good, and the odds of me making poor food choices during the day are slim to none. why they hell am i going to sabotage myself after i just busted out that kick ass workout. it's like slapping myself in the face.

    i have to say-it was around week 5 of P90-that i was driving to work on a Monday-a MONDAY-and I felt so good, i felt like i was on a high. it was better than a "yea it's Friday" high.my body was changing. my diet was cleaner. everything was just "better." if you get back on track, you will start reaping the benefits of this program.
    i was out with my sister this weekend (getting our new tattoos designed for next weekend!) She is a little over 5ft tall-and probably 400 pounds. she had the bypass about 10 years ago. but didn't do anything the doctor told her or do anything to help herself or change her lifestyle. She put it all back on and more.She is 43 years old-and from the parking lot into Macys on Saturday morning, it was not even hot yet, she was sweating! she could barely get from macys to the half way point in the mall. her feet hurt and her knees and she was sweating. AT 43! man-that is a shitty ass way to live. but it happens.

    I spend an hour on Sunday making food for the week-grilling a ton of chicken breasts, cooking brown rice, cutting up fruit getting everything ready, so there is no excuses for ANYTHING! no excuses for working out or eating like shit. i track everything on the Livestrong site. so freaking easy! i make myself accountable. cause the only person in control of what looks back at me in the mirror, is ME!

    So what it comes down to is YOU. what so YOU want? Do you want to be a better version of yourself?

    then get off your ass and DO IT!!!
    No Whining and NO excuses.
    You're better than that-and quite frankly,

    YOU'RE WORTH MORE THAN THAT! Aren't YOU????

    please hold while i step down from my soapbox!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ugh..man have i been here. ALOT i feel it. so here is what i have to say.

    SUCK IT UP, PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND DO IT!

    Seriously!!! Every day is about choices. the sad fact of the matter is, having to watch what we eat and drink and do to keep our weight in check is something we will both have to watch EVERY day the rest of our lives. I whined about it a long time that it sucked that i couldn't eat & drink what i wanted and never get fat like other girls do, and whine whine whine. Finally, i woke the hell up and said-"It is what it is! THIS is me and my body. if i am unhappy with it-what the HELL am i going to do about it?? " Every day i have to make the decision-do i want to be fat and a size 28 again? or do i want to suck it up and work out and take control of it and hold myself accountable? casue at 300 pounds, i was one miserable person. wearing mens jeans and mens t-shirts casue that's all that fit. Think about where you were 6 years ago? were you happy then? did you like You then? Didn't you KNOW there was a better life than the one you were living every day? Every day you make excuses for yourself, you are one step closer to where you WERE. Make a giant leap FORWARD. There are so many people that have the surgery and end up right where they were before or worse (like my sister.) BE A SUCCESS story, not one of the negative statustics!
    I don't always like working out-but that hour i do work out, makes me feel so freaking good the other 23 hours in the day-it's worth it.
    It's a slippery slope once a little weight here and a little weight there creeps back on. i have gained back 50 pounds twice and it sucks. twice as hard to get it back off, i feel horrible, my self esteem is shot. And there is NO one to blame but ME!
    You know that working out in the afternoon is too easy to blow off. so if you want to make it happen, you have to suck it up and do it in the morning. I was not always a morning work out person. But the gym was so crowded when i went after work, i ended up blowing it off. i started getting up earlier in the morning. here is the thing-it will SUCK ASS the first week. you will be dragging but get up and even if your work out is half assed, get up and do it. after a week, your internal clock will reset. your body will start being tired earlier and you will fall asleep earlier in order to get up earlier. and here is the plus-when most people are just rolling out of bed, you have already burned off 400 or 500 calories and your work out is done. any extra cardio you do after that-is extra! and i can say for me, once i have sweated it out at the butt crack of dawn, my body feels good, and the odds of me making poor food choices during the day are slim to none. why they hell am i going to sabotage myself after i just busted out that kick ass workout. it's like slapping myself in the face.
    i have to say-it was around week 5 of P90-that i was driving to work on a Monday-a MONDAY-and I felt so good, i felt like i was on a high. it was better than a "yea it's Friday" high.my body was changing. my diet was cleaner. everything was just "better." if you get back on track, you will start reaping the benefits of this program.
    i was out with my sister this weekend probably 400 pounds, had bypass about 10 years ago. but didn't do anything to help herself or change her lifestyle. She put it all back on and more.She's 43 years old-and from the parking lot into Macys, she was sweating! she could to the half way point in the mall. her feet and knees hurting and she was sweating. AT 43! man-that is a shitty ass way to live.
    So what it comes down to is YOU. what so YOU want? Do you want to be a better version of yourself?

    then get off your ass and DO IT!!!
    No Whining and NO excuses.
    You're better than that-and quite frankly,

    YOU'RE WORTH MORE THAN THAT! Aren't YOU????

    please hold while i step down from my soapbox!!!

    Elena

    ReplyDelete
  6. By big girl panties, do you mean granny panties or a thong? :-P

    You're so right, Elena, and thank you for being real with me. I've gotten so lazy in the last year. It's very frustrating. And it's my own fault for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hey Lori ;) I want to pass something on to you that I wrote last year...Your blog reminded me of it and I'm going to promptly print it out and hang it in my gym. These are the 'Ten Workout Commandments' I came up with. Hopefully seeing them again will help to motivate me as well. I'm starting my P90 today...

    ~The Ten Workout Commandments~

    ·Exercising is something you have to do. Making is part of your daily routine is necessary.

    ·There is NO reason you cannot find time every day to workout. You can absolutely find one hour every day in your busy schedule to work on yourself.

    ·Take the word 'should' OUT of your vocabulary. Replace is with 'want' and you WILL see results i.e. "I want to workout!" instead of "I should work out!"

    ·You have the capability to look the way you want. There is nothing stopping you but yourself.

    ·Remember how INCREDIBLE you feel after working out and how SEEING results makes you feel so good.

    ·Do NOT let spontaneous changes in plans hinder you from your routine. YOU ARE ON A MISSION…

    ·Just because you have off on the weekend from your job, doesn’t mean you have off from your routine. Weekends are your downfall, but you have MORE free time during them. USE THIS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!

    ·When you are in shape you feel more powerful. This affects every aspect of your life.

    ·Try to work some kind of psychical activity in through out your day; Even when you are at work.

    ·FOOD IS FOR SURVIVAL, NOT PLEASURE.

    Hope this helps! XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love it, Heather. And I just printed it out. Thank you!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I guess I should be careful what I wish for. When it rains, it pours. :-/

    ReplyDelete