Wednesday, January 26, 2011


That would pretty much be me if I won the lottery.  But I'd be doing it silently in my head.

My neighbor won the lottery when I was a kid.  Something like $4 million.  Definitely ENOUGH money, especially back then.  They never moved or anything.  But I heard that every slimy family member they hadn't spoken to in decades came out of the shadows and their money was gone pretty quickly.

That won't be me.  This is not Bank of Lori.  Don't get me wrong, I definitely have a plan to share my money with friends and family.  But I won't go broke doing it.

I think people have a misconception of what winning the lottery means.  There was a HUGE jackpot recently -- I think $350 million.  With $350 million, you could do almost anything!  Suddenly, everyone you've ever known wants a million bucks because it's not that much money in the whole scheme of things.  However, after you break it down, you don't end up with nearly that much money.  And suddenly you have to start making decisions about who you want to support and who needs to get cut.

For ease of math, I am going to use $300 million.  If you won that much money, and took the cash payout, you'd get a little over $150 million.  After the government takes it's half, you have around $75 million.  Definitely still a lot of money, but $350 million it is not.

Now you want to start giving your money way.  Any gift over $11,000 (or so...I haven't checked the gift tax law in awhile), is taxed (TO YOU).  So if you're running around giving everyone a million dollars, you're going to get slammed with MORE taxes.  And you already gave half of your money to the government.

So, if I ever win, please don't call asking me for loans or gifts.  I definitely have a plan in mind for sharing some of the money.  I'd be happy to buy gifts and take people on trips.  But I am not going to give this government any more money than I absolutely need to. 

It just seems like there too many issues going on to just give money away.  If someone is on welfare or unemployment or disability, money gifts might mess up their benefits.  With the way the world is now, I could see someone taking the money, losing their benefits and then suing me to be taken care of because they blame me for their loss.  Screw that.

Just think...if you could invest $10 million with only a 5% return, you could live off the interest without ever touching the principal.  That's $500,000 per year you'd have coming in!  And your $10 mil is still sitting there!

I'd love to take some trips, buy a big house, a new car, new clothes, pay off debt, and maybe even pick up an entourage!  I'd get personal training.  Weekly massages.  There is so much I'd love to do if I didn't have to work or worry about money.  

I do play the lottery every week.  However, I pre-buy my numbers once a month so I am not running to the store all the time.  I only buy one set of numbers.  The chances of winning the lottery is so small (something like 1 in 175 million?) that they say your chances are not improved if you buy hundreds of picks for each draw.  But, as my statistics teacher in college used to say, the chances may be small but if you don't play, your chance is zero.  For me, spending $200 over a year is worth the chance.  I don't want to get into a situation where I'm playing $5 or $10 each pick and then suddenly I'm spending thousands.  I have chosen my own numbers and play them each week.  My theory is that two constantly changing numbers (the official lottery picks and your quick pick numbers) have less of a chance of matching up than one constantly changing set of numbers (the lottery's picks) and one set that stays the same (mine).  Statistics show that quick picks win more often but that may just be because more people use quick pick than choose their own.

For me, $4 a week (for Super Lotto and Mega Millions draws twice a week each) is worth the thought that maybe one day I will live the dream and win my millions.  It will happen.  The guy who recently won a large payout said he played every week for something like 25 years before he won.  I'll try to cut that down to 2.5 years.  But it will happen.  :-)


  1. I LOVE IT!!! I am one of those that will never win the lottery because I simply do not play. I don't gamble in Tahoe, and I'm a total bore in Vegas... LOL. When you win your millions, I won't ask for a dime. I will ask, however, that you continue to post some of the funniest comments I read each day, and maybe send a shout-out to your peeps (like me!) every once in a while between trips around the world! Best of luck!

  2. Heidi, OF COURSE!! I would hate to disappoint. Let's take a trip together! :-D