Friday, February 25, 2011

What the hell happened yesterday?

So a lot of people watched that little train wreck that happened yesterday and were wondering what the hell happened.  There were multiple postings on Facebook, and on my blog, texts back and forth, a voicemail, emails...  So this will be my attempt to explain what happened.

How did a political debate about gay marriage turn into me accusing someone of being an attempted baby murderer? 

This wasn't REALLY about gay marriage.  I let a topic on which I have some strong opinions unleash some feelings about a person I very much dislike.  I've held it in for the last few years and a few of his whiny comments set me off.  So maybe I've just been looking for an excuse and yesterday I found one. 

If you don't want to read the explanation that follows, I will give you the short answer to the question:  Do I feel bad for what happened yesterday?


Now here's why.

Almost four years ago, "he" (I will also refer to him as "the husband") couldn't deal with his crying daughter, who was only a few months old.  "The wife" (also "her/she") was working nights so her husband could go to school during the day.  He supposedly told the police that he tried to use a pillow to quiet the crying baby. 

Well, the baby ended up with broken bones, and in intensive care for over a week.  Initially, she wasn't expected to live, and now has permanent eyesight issues related to this incident.  A pillow doesn't do that.  I didn't expose some big family secret.  His face and name were all over the news and Internet.  If I was really being mean, I would have linked the archive news stories.  If the wife hadn't gone all over my blog and Facebook crying about it, no one would have had any names to attach to it.  Anyone who would have read my blog and known who it was clearly already knew the story.

Now the husband didn't spend any time in jail and his wife stayed with him.    I'm not saying he didn't have to do anything to pay for his crime.  But he attempted to murder a child and got the proverbial slap on the wrist. 

I know he wasn't allowed contact with his daughter for a time.  So he moved back to California and lived with his parents.  His parents blame the wife for this.  It was her fault they had sex before marriage and she got pregnant (maybe they don't understand how that works).  It was her fault he injured the baby because she knew the baby had colic and was fussy at night.  They feel like the wife purposely took a night job so she wouldn't have to deal with it (no, of course, she wasn't supporting her husband so he could get an education).  Nothing seemed to be his fault (of course not, that might make them shitty parents).

His parents were openly nasty toward the wife and wouldn't allow her in their home.  I remember one Christmas where the poor baby was walking around asking where mommy was.  It made me so sad.  The parents apparently justify hating her by saying they caught her saying bad things about them.  Well, I've heard them say horrible things about her too, so they aren't any better.  And the wife has tried to apologize -- on multiple occasions.  It's hard to say you're sorry.  They refuse to hear it.  Very Christ-like on their part.  The parents have gone out of their way to make the wife feel bad -- like having four tickets to a game and saying she isn't invited, then making it sound like it was a double date.  So she gets to sit at home wondering if her husband is on a date with someone else.  He did nothing to make her feel more secure.  In fact, he supposedly told the wife he wished the baby had died.  I guess he would feel lees guilty if he didn't have a daily reminder of his crime?  Clearly he's too stupid or egotistical to realize he'd be in jail for murder if she had died. 

So there's a small piece of the history.  Now back to yesterday.

He is on Facebook talking about the immorality of being gay and insinuating that gay marriage cheapens "straight marriage."  I will not debate the "morality" of the issue.  He's entitled to that opinion.  But he actually said that white Christians have no rights.  That was probably the comment that made me snap.   Here are a few examples of direct quotes from him:

Geez, it is never ending with these people. Immorality is wrong any way you look at it. Why is it that everyone has rights but white christian people? Diane Feinstein is a moron. When will the people of CA realize what she has done to ruin our economy and our society and boot her the hell out of the seat she holds? Liberalism has destroyed CA and is destroying our nation! Let gays be gays, let them do it in private, they already have the same rights as a married couple, they wanted civil unions and they got them, what's the problem? The problem is they want to defile that which is sacred, the holy union between a man and a woman. That's what it comes down to, defiling God.
 Gays aren't denied rights... they have been given civil unions, which civil unions, under one name or another, have been established by law in many developed countries in order to provide same-sex couples rights, benefits, and responsibilities similar to opposite-sex civil marriage. I've never seen straight people running around with flags and having parades and demonstrating their sexuality in public? There's no straight-pride day is there? That's what I meant in public vs. private. If they want to be gay, then fine, they can be gay. Whatever gets them off.
In California, domestic partnerships (DP) have been available to same-sex couples since 2000, and a revision to the law in 2005 made it equivalent to marriage at the state level (see wikipedia "Domestic Partnership in California").  Straight ...people didn't ruin marriage, pride and people's unwillingness to work at marriage destroyed it. Lori, why do you think grandma and grandpa were married so long? They put in the effort to make it work  The people have spoken twice now on what WE want marriage to be defined as, between a MAN and a WOMAN, once in 2000 and again in 2008  I suppose we ought to just grant amnesty to all 12 million illegal immigrants too just because they run around bitching about how screwed they are and waving their stupid flags too!
What rights of his are being infringed upon if gay people are allowed to get married?  They are citizens who pay taxes.  They should be allowed the same rights.  I certainly hope that he has contacted his Congressperson to demand that they not accept all of that gay tax money.  This guy's big argument is that people choose to be gay (this was part of an e-mail he sent me last night basically saying that I have no right to call him an intolerant hypocrite because that makes me an intolerant hypocrite...ok, fine...I'm an intolerant hypocrite when it comes to accused attempted baby murderers).  Whether they choose to be gay or are born that way, they are still tax paying citizens.  You can't even compare the gay issue to the illegal alien issue.  Let's not forget that not so long ago, women couldn't vote and black people and white people were not allowed to marry.  Times change and society needs to adapt.

He tried to raise the argument that civil unions or domestic partnerships are the same.  They are not.  Do two seconds of research before you just regurgitate the line of bullshit you are being fed.  I had a lot of great comments on my Facebook page yesterday from people who talked about this issue but I don't want this post to get any longer than it already is.

So the point of my entire rant is that this person should have a new-found respect for tolerance.  He should be most grateful that he even has the ability to be posting his hate-filled bullshit on Facebook.  Even I can recognize that he has the right to do so.  That's the beauty of this country.  However, if you want my opinion, the State of Utah should have thrown his ass in jail and his wife should have left him.  And for a guy who hasn't seemed to work much in the past few years -- so wouldn't be paying taxes -- he has a lot of gall talking about how tax-paying citizens should be denied the rights he's been allowed even though he's an accused criminal who barely works. 

 The wife is all upset because she says their family is trying to move past this.  Good for them.  I hope that they do.  However, you can't erase their history.  Those who forget it are doomed to repeat it, right? 

Anyway, I realize my opinion and this post will alienate a lot of people in my life.  I just don't care anymore.  I'm tired of being at functions and having to walk on eggshells and because "the mom" is pissed that "the wife" might be there.  It's very tense and it makes the functions for the last almost four years very stressful and not enjoyable.  These people have all forgotten that at the heart of this issue is a little girl who didn't ask for any of this.  Yet, she will grow up bearing the burden of their guilt and bad behavior.  Good job, guys!  You're all awesome!  They should seriously require licensing before idiots breed. 


  1. Good for you, Lori...I think you have been very succinct and intelligent in the words you've chosen to express yourself and your position is quite valid. What a bunch of hooey some of these looney tunes are dishing out. Keep fighting the good fight my dear. Hugs to you, Susan Ortiz

  2. Sounds like "the wife" needs to get her head out of her ass and divorce "the husband", take her daughter, and make sure that neither "the husband", or his alleged parents ever get to see the child again.
    If she is content to continue her tacit support of his behavior, then it is likely that her codependent/enabling behaviors are part of a longer term threat to the child's safety.

    I say this because I truly believe in the sanctity of marriage - and believe that this is one of the tiny percentage of cases where a divorce between two people is the best possible thing for marriage for society as a whole.

  3. The husband is lucky I'm not a relative.