Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Unconditional Love

Sometimes, when you've had a really bad day, you can't wait to see him.  You hold it in until you're there -- then you run to him and bury your face in his neck and let it all out.  You cry.  And you cry.  And you cry.  He doesn't say anything because he doesn't have to.  He just comforts you by being there. 

I miss him every day.  He's not gone.  Just somewhere else.  I saw him recently.  It was like no time had passed, yet it wasn't the same.  He had changed.  He wasn't mine anymore.  He was still beautiful and majestic.  Powerful.  Happy. 

I only owned Tank for a few years.  He was the worst behaved horse I'd ever met in my life.  But I loved horseback riding and I loved him.  I still do.  I missed riding when I was fat.  Of course, as soon as I was thin, I went and bought a horse that was so tall, I almost couldn't get on him without help (putting me back in the position of feeling "fat" again).  But he never judged me.  He was an asshole horse every day.  Really, he wanted to be a dog -- to curl up in your lap while you brushed him and gave him treats.  However, at 2,000 pounds, he would crush me to death if he tried.  But when I had a shitty day, I knew I could sit with him and eat carrots and stare at the sky.  I didn't have to explain anything.  He would look at me with his giant eyes and rub his soft nose on me.   

Tank has arthritis and between boarding, medication and vet bills, I had to let him go around the same time I lost my condo.  Riding was a great outlet for me, and I haven't quite found anything that fully replaces it.  I probably never will.  Time.  Money.  Life.  Everything gets in the way.  I just hope for the day I can afford it again and I appreciate that Sam is taking such great care of Tank and that Tank is so healthy and happy.


  1. I cry into Red's neck all the time. I think he can tell when I'm upset. Those are the days he walks a little faster to get to me.

  2. Wow, this pictures are BEAUTIFUL Lori!!!

  3. AHH Hang tight girl. You never know what light can shine in your future. Rita