Monday, June 6, 2011

Fat Watch 2011 continues

Yesterday I went to the movies to see Bridesmaids.  The musical group, Wilson Phillips sang one of their songs.  Carnie Wilson looks like she has gained ALL of her weight back!  Here's a blog I did last year that talks about Carnie and weight loss surgery.

I had nightmares about it last night.  I kept looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the old, fat me.  My weight has been creeping up and I already consider myself fat again.  I have always been big...even when I was thinner.  But I'm just straight up fat again.  It's killing me.  I can't be THAT person.  According to this website, "only" five percent of gastric bypass patients will regain ALL of their weight.  This website says 20% of people will regain a "significant" amount of weight.  I'm sure there are no true statistics about how many actually do gain all of their weight back, although it certainly appears that 99.9% of us seem to continue to deal with weight and food issues for the rest of our lives.

My highest weight before gastric bypass was almost 350 pounds.   My lowest weight post-surgery was around 180 pounds.  At two years out, I was up to 200 pounds.  I was very comfortable there.  I tried some medications and got up to almost 225 a few years ago.  I started going to the gym and got back down to 200 pounds.  I was in amazing shape and even climbed Half Dome!  Now I've gotten lazy and am now riding close to 240 pounds!  I am still over 100 pounds lighter than my highest weight, but when I look in the mirror, I see that fat girl again. 

I talked to my doctor this morning and asked about medications and food and being lazy.  She actually suggested that I try a cleanse to help jump start weight loss and deal with inflammation that may be making my psoriasis worse.  Ugh.  I can barely pull it together to just eat a balanced diet.  Cutting something out just makes me want it more.  I have a bunch of literature to read on a cleanse she suggested.  I certainly need to do SOMETHING. 

I hate this.  I did a couple of races over the weekend.  My friend John dragged me around a 5k loop.  My heart rate was over 190 for the majority of the time and I was sucking air like a smoker.  It sucked.  I don't want to be this girl anymore.  And I am the one in control.  So I need to take the wheel and start driving. 

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