Monday, August 8, 2011

I only run when I'm being chased by an axe murderer

So I haven't ranted about being fat in a day or two.  I am feeling a bit better about myself.  I mean, I still have the 40 pounds to lose.  But I've given up logging my food for now (it makes me obsess and want to eat more food) and I'm exercising more consistently.  Of course, the new monkey wrench is the Enbrel shot I'm taking for my psoriasis.  The day after my shot, I'm super exhausted -- like cannot get my brain to work and need 12 hours of sleep kind of tired.  I do the shots on Monday and Thursday so Tuesday and Friday are difficult days for me.  But I can only do what I can do.  I am plugging along and am at least active enough to avoid any weight gain this month.

I am being very careful about what I put in my lunch bag on work days.  I find that I will pretty much eat whatever is in there, whether is 1,000 calories worth of food or 2,500.  So, I am packing a very rigid mid-morning snack (usually fruit), lunch (big salad or small salad and side of low fat mac and cheese or something), mid-afternoon snack (trail mix with nuts and dried fruit).  If I eat that and don't go nuts right before bed, the scale moves in the right direction. 

I continue to be aware that when I can't shop, I'd rather be eating my feelings.  August is an especially rough month for me.  It's my birthday month and for whatever reason, I used to always spend thousands of dollars in August.  I don't have thousands of dollars this year, so I'm trading it for calories?  I don't know.

I'm definitely still a little grumpy about turning 35.  I don't feel like I have much to show for it.  I'm still struggling to pay the bills, living in a condo and tired of working so much.  People have been telling Rob that we are arguing lately because I want marriage and kids.  I don't feel like I do.  So either people are conditioned to believe that is all women want.  Or I am not being honest with myself.  I'm tired...I can't imagine having another little life to be responsible for. 

So the fat watch continues.  I don't enjoy running but I find it's a good way to burn calories.  I am skipping the Brazen 5k's this month.  I have too much going on.  But if I'm going to the gym consistently, I should be able to bust out in September or August and continue beating my times from last year. 

5 comments:

  1. Nix the carbs and fruit and it'll fall off!!! I never believed a diet detox would work the wonders it did without changing my fitness routine but it really does.

    Keep at it love, you'll feel amazing at the other side! xxxxx @zoe28 x

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  2. Carbs are definitely my nemesis!!!!!!!!! ugh!!!!

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  3. Cut out sugar.. EVERYTHING has sugar. I cut out fruit and check every label for it's sugar content. I eat bread with the least ammount of sugar. I don't drink juice or soda. Milk is the most sugary drink I can handle. It's all water and protien for me. If I even have a half a soda it will put me almost in a sugar coma.. So try cutting out sugar and see if that helps. I also eat 30 grams of protein for every mean and have a 10-15 gram of protein snack in between each meal and LOTS of water. Sugar is horrible horrible stuff. It really tires you out. I can't believe how sensitive to it now that I cut it out!

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  4. Happy birthday month! Mine's in August too ;)
    Btw I think its amazing that you can even run 5K cos I'd be wheezing before the 1k mark. And if you can cut sugar out of your diet, you'll officially be super-human in my book!

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  5. Thank you!!! I can actually walk faster than I run. lol. But to me, the act of bouncing up and down IS running and it counts!!!! :-D I haven't fully cut sugar out but I am definitely watching what I eat and have lost almost 4 pounds in the last two weeks. So I'm happy!!

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