Monday, November 7, 2011

win2lose the lard ass update

So early in 2010, I tried some products from WIN (Wellness International Network).  I wasn't super excited about the outcome.  They didn't seem to work for me -- possibly due to my gastric bypass.  Things that were supposed to be happening weren't.  And things that weren't supposed to be happening were.  I don't want to get into TOO much detail there.

Anyway, I left the products alone for awhile.  A couple of weeks ago, I started adding the BioLean Free to my protein shakes.  Part of why the product possibly wasn't working for me was because it wasn't digesting properly in my altered stomach/intestines.  So, I figured if I dissolved it in my protein shake water, the frozen fruit and protein powder would cover the nasty taste and I might actually have a chance of absorbing the product.

I can definitely feel the product in my system.  It makes me shiver like I'm freezing but makes my hands and feet sweaty.  I still haven't noticed any weight loss, even though I'm exercising more than ever.

Rob tried it over the weekend.  He said it worked pretty well as an appetite suppressant (although it also made him feel like a crackhead since he took it late in the afternoon and couldn't sleep that night).  He said the thought of food actually repulsed him. 

Then it hit me.

Duh.

Appetite suppressants probably won't work for me since I am food OBSESSED.  I don't eat because I'm hungry.  I eat because I feel a compulsion to do so.  I have "a strong, usually irresistible impulse to perform an act, especially one that is irrational or contrary to one's will."  (Thanks, Dictionary.com!)  I don't want to take any responsibility off myself for putting food in my mouth that doesn't need to be there.  And its not like I didn't pretty much already know this was an issue.  But it made me realize that I need to stop looking for (another) quick fix, cut the products and just start making better decisions. 

I was talking to my silks teacher about health and weight loss last week.  She said she had gained 60 plus pounds, was on anti-depressants and was just miserable.  So she cut out the meds and lost the weight.  She looks amazing now and says she feels that way too.  I want to get off my anti-depressants.  I want to lose the weight. 

I realize I will probably have to battle food issues for my entire life.  But I know that slow and steady wins the race.  So I need to take every single decision to eat (or not) something I shouldn't....one at a time.  Looking at a lifetime of decisions is overwhelming.  I don't want to do that to myself. 

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