Friday, March 9, 2012

Filing for bankruptcy made me fat

Let me explain...

I have talked a bit about addiction transfer after gastric bypass.  I am now almost eight years out from surgery.  I initially lost 165 pounds but have gained (*GASP*) 70 pounds back.  I am only trying to lose 50, but would take 25 at this point.  Sure, I've struggled on and off with food issues.  But they got really bad a couple of years ago, and I wasn't really sure why. 

Because I couldn't shop on credit anymore.

I made a personal decision to let my condo go into foreclosure and later decided I needed to file for bankruptcy to protect myself from the second mortgage coming after me.  I filed two years ago.  It was so scary.  I have to live on a cash-only basis for five years while I am making payments to the court.  No shopping sprees unless I have the cash.  And when you have a boyfriend finishing his doctorate, you have no spare cash.

So the weight crept up on me.  I blamed things.  Moving in with Rob.  Stress.  Work.  Family.  I mean, it is all of those things and none of those things.  Addiction transfer is not new to me.  I've written about it several times.  Check out THIS post, which links to other posts on the subject. 

But here I am, almost eight years out from gastric bypass, even one of the leaders of a local support group, and I clearly haven't fully grasped the concept that I either "need" to eat or shop.   If one goes away, I am still relying on the other.  This means that the last two plus years of therapy hasn't been helping maybe as much as I thought.  We focus so much on how well I'm doing not shopping (since I don't have a choice in the matter) that I completely forget about the fact that I am only replacing shopping with food! 

Anyway, I know I've been whining a lot lately but I am hoping that by sharing all of this self-discovery, maybe I will actually start moving in the right direction.  And maybe I am praying to the lottery gods to let me win so I can buy all kinds of clothes, stop eating, and start doing fun stuff all day long.  :-)

4 comments:

  1. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I have so much respect and awe and love for women like you who are able to show their vulnerability and their strength. You continue to astound me. Just thought you should know.

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    1. Oh wow, that means so much coming from you, Sheena! Thank you. And you always amaze me. :-) I always look forward to everything you have to say!

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  2. I wish your path in life was easy, but I have begun to think the reason you are on it is so others may learn and share with you. Keep up the honest and genuine voice. You help others and you help yourself. That is powerful!

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    1. Easy wouldn't be interesting, then, would it? :-)

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