Friday, August 31, 2012

Episode 37

Today my 36th year begins...Episode 37 of the lolorashel show.  I think my mom said I was born around 5:37 PM, so I guess I have a few hours before I'm actually "born."  I don't really know what I had planned for my life.  As a child, I never had my dream wedding planned out in my head.  I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life until a Careers class in high school told me to be a paralegal.  I didn't specifically NOT want children (until I hit my 30's and realized I valued money and sleep too much).  I don't know where I thought I would be in life but I guess I didn't think it would be "here." 

My life is not terrible but it sure could be better.  And it could be worse.  I have a lot of amazing friends and family who make every day worth living.  I have a roof over my head and food on my table (even if it is top ramen some nights).  I have a truck to drive (even needing $1,200 in new tires right now, this truck has treated me well over the last five years).  I have a job when many don't.  I get to take great classes at Twirly Girls and have been blessed with the opportunity to teach a really amazing class.  I may feel chubby but I am still 100 pounds lighter than I used to be.  My body may hurt but that just means that I am lucky enough to be able to use and abuse it still. 

So why am I so depressed?  It's funny how our society works.  We seem to want everything we want as soon as we want it.  What happened to hard work and dedication paying off?  No...we want things handed to us on a silver platter without lifting a finger.  I used to get mad at a friend when they complained about their problems, which I deemed way less important than mine.  But everyone has problems and we all have to deal with them and the stress and anxiety they bring. 

Anyway, this year, I am making a commitment to myself.  I need to be healthy.  I have maintained this weight for about a year now and it's time to start losing some of it.  I feel big and like a sloth.  I don't like that.  My last "official" weigh-in was in May.  I weighed 254.6 on May 4, 2012.  Today I weighed 255.4.  Two days ago, it was 253.2.  I jump around a lot.  So this year I dedicate to activity.  So I guess not to losing weight necessarily, although I do hope that is one of the benefits.  I will commit to being active every single day, even if its only for 15 minutes.  Twirly Girls, yoga, running, pilates, whatever...I need to do something. 

I know food is also my issue and will continue to be my issue, so I don't even know what to do about that.  Everyone and their brother has a diet for me to follow...and I just know I won't.  So I am not even going to bother. 

In addition to being my birthday, tonight is a blue moon.  And the lottery jackpot is up to $83 million.  You gotta play to win and someone will win it -- why not me?  :-)