Monday, May 13, 2013

All you have to do is...

Warning...lots of ranting and side ranting ahead...

Lately, I have been going to aqua Zumba on Saturday mornings.  Although I don't really feel like I get my heart rate up high like in a real Zumba class, it is low impact, which is what I need for the bone spur in my heel.  A couple of Saturdays ago, there was a sub...a kind of chunky lady...and she did not teach aqua Zumba.  She did a little bit more of a hardcore aqua aerobics class (I actually really enjoyed it).  However, what I did not enjoy was her constant advice on how to get into shape.  You must do this to be skinny.  You must do that.  Eat this.  Exercise that way.  STFU!!!!!  (I did love the fact that after telling us how much we needed to be exercising, she admitted that after A YEAR, her regular class was finally seeing results.)  Anyway, it resulted in a rant on my Facebook page about how I don't want diet advice from anyone (fat or skinny).  It also caused everyone and their mother to come offer their advice.  (Side rant: 24 Hour Fitness appears to employ the douchiest of instructors with all the bad cycle teacher is constantly screaming about calories in/calories's not an exact science, people, you should know that.)

It is so presumptuous to assume that all fat people are looking for advice on how to lose weight.  Hey guess what, friends, I don't need and/or want your advice.  Not about how I should exercise.  Not about what I should eat.  Every time I'm stupid enough to let someone else tell me what to do in that department, I end up fatter and more unhappy.  If I don't come to you directly and ask questions or advice, you can pretty much assume that I'm not interested in what you have to say.  What works for you may not work for me.  And if you've never had a weight problem in your life (even if you've watched your mom struggle with her weight for years), you haven't been in my shoes and you don't know what I'm going through.

One person on my Facebook rant did bring up a good point...if I *were* interested in diet advice, an overweight person is going to be the expert.  Then I'm an expert.  We all know, right?  We've done it all.  Weight Watchers.  Slim Fast liquid diets.  All the drugs.  Supplements.  I've even done the surgery.  And I'm still fat.  If you want to know about diets, I already know all the information.  However, I am starting to get frustrated with all of the bullshit memes on Facebook that insinuate that just because I don't have six pack abs, I'm lazy.  I'm far from lazy.  And I am certainly not interested in hearing advice from someone who has never had a weight problem (no, gaining and losing ten pounds doesn't constitute a weight problem).  Guess what...if I ate only rice and chicken (I can't eat rice, by the way, but most people wouldn't know that because they are so fucking up on their high horse that they don't understand that not all people have the same nutritional needs), and did sit-ups all day, I still wouldn't have six pack abs. 

One of my good friends put up a meme on Facebook that said an hour of exercise is only 4% of your day.  It made me mad.  Sure, 4% of your 24 hour day.  Well, I have to sleep 8 of those hours, so 1/3 of the day is already gone.  I also have to work, which takes up another 1/3 (more, really with commuting).  Really, at the end of the day, after doing all the stuff I'm require to do to live, I get about three hours of "expendable" time each work day.  In that time I have to eat (yes, fat people still have to eat to sustain life...we cannot survive off of our fat reserves), prepare for the next day, teach my class at Twirly Girls, go to therapy, workout, relax, etc.  One of her Facebook friends came on to say I should sleep less to get my workout in.  WTF?!  Really?!  Who has the ability to sleep less?  Sure you might get away with it a night or two.  Maybe even for a week.  But at some point, you will be paying that debt back.  So I suggest you not get into the habit (I am an 8-1/2 hours per night is what it is...fat or skinny, my body needs 8-1/2 hours of sleep to feel fully rested and functional).  And there are plenty of studies that say not sleeping makes you fat too, so I guess I can't win.  So no, a one hour workout isn't 4% of my day.  It's 33-1/3% of the spare time I have after I do the things I HAVE to do.  Don't get me wrong...I fully believe that I need to workout (currently, I am doing cycle, pole dancing, yoga and aqua Zumba...but yeah, I'm a fat, lazy fuck).  But I don't need to be guilted that I've blown off my workout one day because I have all the time in the world to do it.  I don't.  Two things I don't get to blow off are work and sleep.  Sorry.  That's not me being lazy.  That's reality. 

I know why I'm fat.  It's a combination of many factors.  Some within my control and some less so.  Some physical factors.  Many mental.  I battle addiction and eating disorders.  So a "simple" three step plan to a perfect body won't work for me.  In fact, trying to follow that plan will potentially only make me gain weight.  I don't think I'll be able to get my weight fully under control until I find a therapist who truly understands my issues.  I'm working on that. 

I realize I am ranting again.  But I just wish people would understand that we aren't all created "equal."  But unequal doesn't mean one body is better than another.  What works for you doesn't work for me.  I can share what works for me and you can take what you want from it (this is something I really didn't learn until having gastric bypass surgery...each person is on their own journey).  So next time you feel like offering unsolicited advice, keep in mind that the other person might not be interested and you may trigger an off-the-deep-end rant like this one on their social media profile.  And if you really can't stop your own egotistical ass from sharing your story, at least preface it with..."I know everyone is different but here's what works for me..."