Tuesday, September 24, 2013


Today I had planned a fun post about my Minion adventures.  But I woke up feeling very blah.  Last night was a really rough night for me.  I cried a lot, didn't sleep well and woke up with very swollen eyes.  There was a lot of tragedy in our area yesterday and today doesn't feel like a fun posting day. 

Yesterday, in Discovery Bay, a 10-year-old boy was hit and killed while riding his bike.  A two-year-old from Pittsburg was also hit by a car, although at last check, was still alive.  Also someone committed suicide behind a grocery store in Antioch.  So many families affected.  Then all of the Facebook posts from people attacking others about blame and fault.  What a waste of energy.  And this was just yesterday -- I didn't even know these people.  There has been other tragedy and sadness in my circle of friends recently. 

My paternal grandmother, Violet, has been in a physical rehab center/rest home since last week.  It sounds like she is not doing well.  When I saw her last week, she got winded trying to talk to me and she seemed very weak and tired.  Apparently, over the weekend, she fell twice and went into the ER (because it sounds like this home isn't spending much time helping their residents).  I know she doesn't want to be away from her home.  And I feel like, especially if she is in her last days, she should have the right not to be in a terrible rest home where no one is paying attention to her.  She is 82 years old.

My maternal grandmother, Jean, has been in a rest home for awhile now.  She has Alzheimer's and struggles to remember us.  This is her third rest home, as one was not helping her get to the restroom and the other had a nurse verbally abusing her.  Since she was having a hard time telling anyone that this nurse was being mean to her, she just started scratching her legs until she bled.  She just turned 88 years old this weekend. 

Everything just brings up my own mortality.  I feel very young and like I still have my entire life ahead of me.  However, while I watch both of my grandmothers age and struggle with health problems, I feel like I am looking into my own future.  My Grandma Violet has neuropathy on her feet from having diabetes, which is very painful.  She has un-treated kidney disease.  She has atrial fibrillation and a pacemaker.  My Grandma Jean, who used to have a brilliant mind and who loved to write, is slowly wasting away.  I see what is happening with my grandmothers and I don't want it to happen to me.  I read a book recently called Me Before You and it talks about end of life issues.  I cannot imagine how it must feel to be trapped in a body that is falling apart around you.  

At least my grandmothers have money to live somewhat comfortably.  I can't imagine being in their position and relying only on the Medicare to take care of me.  I am trying to grow my retirement but at the rate the cost of living is climbing, I don't know that I will be able to afford to take care of myself when the time comes.  It all causes worry.  Worry about people I love.  About the future.  Worry about health.  Money.  Life.  

Anyway, I don't want this to be a poor me post, but I do want to send love and positive vibes into the universe for those who are struggling.  We all are in some way and sometimes everyone is too busy with their own problems to realize how a simple hug could make someone else's day. 

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