Monday, July 28, 2014

Am I only losing weight because I have money again?

Last week, I was quick to (kind of) declare myself potentially free from having an eating disorder (you can read that post HERE).  In doing so, I really just confirmed I'm still battling an eating disorder (no, I swear I'm not an alcoholic, I just had this *one* drink!).  I listened to another podcast from the Second Annual Eating Psychology Conference and it pretty much mirrored my life, so yeah...  I don't regret lessening the amount of sugar I eat, and I do still believe that eating less sugar has curbed a lot of cravings, but the demon is still lurking under the surface.


gimme all your candy!!!
A couple of years ago, I wrote about how filing for bankruptcy had made me fat (you can read that post HERE).  While listening to that second podcast last week, and then while chatting online with some of the members of my weight loss surgery support group, it really did hit me:  It is very possible the reason I have so easily transitioned into following Ellen's food suggestions is because my money situation recently became a little bit less stressful.  I didn't win the lottery or anything but I am no longer sweating over whether I can pay all the bills anymore.  And I have pretty much been sweating it for the last three years straight.  It is much easier to control my food choices when I can lean on my other addiction, shopping.  I haven't been going nuts or anything but I certainly have picked up some new clothes, shoes and books that I have had on my list awhile.  That also isn't to say that Ellen isn't giving me amazing advice, but it does explain why I have jumped right into this without feeling on the verge of being triggered at all. 
I have certainly written about this kind of thing before, so I shouldn't be shocked.  But I will admit I'm a little bummed.  Here, I thought I was almost cured. 

2010:  http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2010/03/pick-your-poison.html

2010:  http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2010/07/swapping-problems.html

2011:  http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2011/05/effing-jellybeans.html

2013:  http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2013/07/food-as-your-coping-mechanism.html

2014:  http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2014/06/sugar-is-devil.html

2014:  http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2014/07/confessions-of-sugar-addict.html

I knew it couldn't be that easy, but now I just get to hope that my realization isn't the catalyst into a low-grade binge.  I don't know why this anxiety seems to follow me everywhere.  I've told it that it is unwelcome but it likes to just hang around.  

How do you deal with set-backs?  I don't feel like I have actually had one but it is probably coming.  I can usually see it coming down the pike but can't always figure out how to stop it from happening.  For now, I can only stay the course, continue to eat the healthy things I have in my fridge and make sure I don't pick up fast food or candy from the store. 

7 comments:

  1. I think you are an emotional person. Eating, shopping, something needs to give. Stress needs relief somewhere. Food and drink are easy targets. Everyone will fall off the wagon, but stand back up and get back on. You can only do your best. And your best is pretty dam good.

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    1. Yeah I've learned a lot about myself in the last few years. Definitely emotional but I spend a lot of time trying not to deal with that, which isn't helpful. I think I pretty much am the way I am though so maybe I should stop trying to fight it and just accept myself the way I am. But thank you... :)

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  2. Wow, this made me understand my partner's situation so much better. He had always had a healthy but not slim body type, but during the end of a particularly bad divorce he gained a lot of body mass, in spite of maintaining his lifestyle (during this time he was also diagnosed with
    Diabetes). I wonder now just how much of that had to do with financial stress. I have the opposite problem so in the past it has been hard to understand how body size is such a struggle for him.

    From what his doctors have said and from what I've been reading there is definitely a lot of over-simplification when it comes to weight, body types, and health. This post is so interesting because it reminds me of how much our brain (emotions) affects us. You always have such great posts!

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    1. I just found this article too. Might be helpful for you: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/where-science-meets-the-steps/201301/the-below-the-radar-addict

      That's great that you're at least trying to understand! <3

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  3. I think the best way to deal with setbacks is to be gentle with yourself. What you eat and how you train are decisions you make to fulfill specific needs, like health, wellness, and feeling good. Deviation from your plans to get those needs has nothing to do with your character. It's just a step away from your goals. You step away, you step back... as long as you go forwards more than backwards, you'll get there eventually. So don't beat yourself up. Don't assume that it's a character flaw.

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    1. Luckily, I haven't had a true set back yet but I sure am not ready for one! If I'm not careful, I will psych myself into one though. My brain. It is wonky!!! :-D

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  4. I wanted to keep writing, so I made a new post to answer your question! :) http://poledancecompetition.wordpress.com/2014/07/29/two-steps-forward-one-step-back/

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