So, this could possibly be my final surgery update on this blog. I no longer want to champion the idea that being thin makes your life any easier or better. I have moved on to a more worthy cause: acceptance of self. As I am. Right here, right now.
I am trying to be less weight-obsessed. If you ask me about a big life activity, I can often tell you almost exactly how much I weighed. Not always how amazing the day was or how much fun I had (or how terrible it was) -- first, how much I weighed, which could often determine how well that day went for me.
I have been on the path of self-acceptance for awhile now. It started when I joined Twirly Girls in 2009. My journey continued when I found Chunky Girl Comics in 2013. And it completely sky-rocketed when I started taking control of my health with Ellen a couple of years ago. Don't get me wrong, I still have good and bad days (THIS was a pretty epic public meltdown), however, recognizing that life truly IS a journey and not a destination has been life-changing.
I always feel conflicted when people ask me about my weight loss surgery. On one hand, I do appreciate that it helped me lose so much weight. I do worry that I would have ended up with diabetes, or heart issues, or sleep apnea, or other issues had I continued to gain at the rate I was gaining (at 15 pounds per year, I was scheduled to weigh 500 pounds by the age of 35). However, it is frustrating that I got to deal with post-surgery black-outs, low blood sugar, low blood pressure, mal-absorption, bone spurs, etc. Surgery wasn't the easy way out, that's for sure. Plus, I ended up with enough skin for two people and had to spend $45,000 on surgeries to have that removed. No one warned me how annoying that would be. So, yes, I am happy I had surgery because I feel like it has helped me on my journey toward taking responsibility for my health and being aware of my body. But considering I never had to take anti-depressants until after I lost weight, I don't think the surgery is the end-all, be-all. It is the path I chose, so it is the only one I can report on. And, as I have mentioned before, my life doesn't suck.
Thank you all for coming on this journey with me! I love reading your comments and private messages. I know many of us are in similar boats so it helps to know we are not alone. And we are not -- this blog has helped me realize that.