Tuesday, May 3, 2016

I Did It All For The Likes

Something happens when I post a semi-nude photo of myself.  Sure, judgment from the haters.  Then there is the admiration from some men (well, and certain friendly neighborhood lesbians).  And usually kudos from women.  But what I get most out of posting myself so naked is freedom. 

I get that I am being judged for everything I post.  Some are disgusted by larger bodies.  Some place a moral judgment on nudity and think I'm a slut for showing too much skin.  Some just think I'm an attention whore who needed to be hugged more as a child.  Any, all or none of that may be true, but it doesn't bother me.  When I started posting my weight and showing my skin online, I gained the freedom of not giving a single shit what people think of me. 

I won't lie.  It does feel nice to get the compliments.  I spent a good portion of my life hiding and hating myself, so it certainly is a nice ego boost when people like my photos or comment that they think I'm beautiful.  But I don't necessarily post them for that reason. 

After I posted one of these semi-nudes from our Chunky Girl photoshoot over the weekend, I gained a new follower on Instagram.  As I normally do, I checked out his profile.  One of his recent photos was a girl's super juicy booty in a thong and it essentially said that if you post photos such as these, sure you get 50 likes but those are 50 fewer men who will put a ring on that finger.

First off, I am not on Instagram trolling for a husband, so I could give a flying fuck if some creeper dude who liked my Instagram photo isn't going to propose.  Second off, I don't feel like my Instagram is even overrun by creepy guys.  I have a large following of women, who have learned that we don't have to tear each other down just to make ourselves happy.  I love all of my social media friends, some of whom I know in real life and some of whom I have never met.  I still appreciate each of them who bothers to contribute to the conversation, whether that is leaving a comment, sending me a private message or just liking my photo. 

I blocked that dude, by the way.  He was a hater lying in wait.  He would have insulted me someday and today will not be that day.

I love this body.  I have good and bad days like everyone else.  I see a back fat roll or thigh cellulite in the mirror and frown for a second, then I move on.  This is what I look like.  Take it or leave it.  It took me a long time to get here, so forgive me if you feel like I am sharing it too often.  Move on down the road if my page is offensive to you.  I feel like there is more to gain by showing some skin and normalizing larger-than-average bodies in social media than there is by hiding under a bunch of material and preaching self love. 

Part of my life purpose is helping to bring acceptance of all bodies to the mainstream.  I credit Twirly Girls Pole Fitness and Chunky Girl Comics with helping speed up my transformation.  I really feel like I am a completely different person than I was seven years ago.  I weigh more but my heart feels more joy and my life is much happier than it has ever been.  Thank you to each of you who has helped me along on this journey. 

And next time you see someone post a nekkid photo, maybe don't judge...rather, appreciate that they are sharing the beauty of their amazing body with you.

6 comments:

  1. I've know you for a while and I am so proud of you. I love seeing how confident you look in each and every photo despite what I know of your struggles. You are amazing and awesome and gorgeous. Don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise! <3 -Robb

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    1. Thank you so much, Robb! You've been amazingly supportive of me! Hugs!

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  2. So, in other words, you do it to rebel against the stigma you allowed yourself to historically have based on societal pressures you allowed your self-worth to be driven by.

    Hopefully some day you'll learn to just be you and love yourself rather than have to respond/react to others/society - be it through low self-esteem stigma or rebellion.

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    1. Yeah, pretty much. When you're told every day that you aren't beautiful because you are chubby, it can take a lifetime to fix that damage. I am being me. Being a little naughty is fun.

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    2. Good that you discovered those pressures aren't worth living by or even representative of many people.

      I'm just afraid you're still living life focused on those pressures. It's just that rather than going into a box and hiding because of them, you're now spending your time talking and pushing back at them.

      What if you were just Lori and honestly/truly didn't care? Wouldn't that be more peaceful and fulfilling?

      Just my few cents for whatever they're worth.

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    3. I mean, I get what you're saying. I am certainly my own worst enemy and probably often make my own life more difficult than it needs to be. However, I find it odd that someone who can't even face me with their real name is actually concerned about my well-being. :) I consider this part of my life purpose. Sticking up for the underdog who is too shy to stand up for herself. Pushing back is what I do. Ask my mom. I've always done it.

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