Monday, June 20, 2016
Hip Check: This Viking is Healed!
A brief history to catch anyone up on this ridiculousness. In probably late 2009 or early 2010, I started having a lot of hip pain. Like, can't get out of bed and walk well because you're in so much pain that you're crying. Being only 33 at the time, I was pretty scared. I saw my future in a wheel chair by 40. I thought maybe it was because I had started pole dancing and perhaps I was dragging my feet and hurting my hip. I had doctors checking me, physical therapists, body workers, massage therapists. Not bursitis. Not arthritis. Nothing was physically wrong with me. Everyone had a theory and treatment, and I'd feel better for a time, but nothing cured me.
In 2014, my hip started feeling better. I couldn't really understand why but I wasn't going to question it. Then I flipped in Vegas and destroyed myself again. Then I met Tobe. Tobe asked me a lot of hard questions. No, not about my body or my hip or any of the physical things I was doing to heal myself. He asked me about what was going on inside. Did I often do things I didn't want to do? Was I angry? He pushed me to really think about what was going on with my life. He brought my pain down to a manageable level but I was definitely still just tolerating it. I wasn't cured.
Then Tobe told me I needed to read the Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz (this is the same author who wrote The Four Agreements). Suddenly, everything clicked and I realized I needed to get out of my relationship as soon as possible. It wasn't a horrible relationship. He wasn't abusive. He just wasn't the right guy for me, just as I wasn't the right girl for him. I ended that relationship in August of 2015. Guess what? For the first time in almost six years, my hip pain completely went away. (P.S. That short reprieve in 2014? My ex and I had been living together and he moved out to finish some schooling...so that was my first clue that my hip knew voodoo magic.) (P.P.S. That relationship began in August of 2009, just a few months before the pain started.) My doctor continued to treat me for it, always feeling like he could find something in there still holding on to tension (I realize now because he is an over-treater), however, I was pain free. Even a recent broken toe barely got me down. But Tobe told me he didn't need to see me again unless I had a flare up.
That flare up happened. Earlier this year, I got into a kind of a toxic pseudo relationship for a couple of months. My hip started hurting again. I got out of that situation and my hip pain disappeared almost immediately. My hip is a freaking douchebag barometer!
After almost seven years of weight gain, inactivity and unhappiness from severe pain, I am BACK! I'm enjoying pole class once, twice, sometimes even three times per week. I started kickboxing again recently -- legit kickboxing, hitting bags and getting out aggression. I am even getting back into silks and feeling stronger each and every class. I still enjoy yoga several times each week as well. I am trying to be kind to my almost-40-year-old body, but I feel the best I have in years.
I am grateful to Tobe for guiding me down the right path and I am learning to listen to my body. I have spent years not listening -- and have used things like food to medicate and cover up my emotional pain. I also feel incredibly lucky to know that if my body feels like I'm in a toxic situation that my mind is ignoring, it can send me a signal to let me know I need to make some changes. Who knew bodies could be THIS amazing?!
Have you ever had a mind-body connection like this? Please feel free to share your stories below!