Wednesday, August 31, 2016

The Day I Turned 40 and the World Didn't End

I turned 40 today and...nothing happened!  My eyes didn't suddenly stop working.  My back didn't go out (well, that's a lie...its a little twinge-y today but that's because I was lifting heavy things over the weekend).  My bladder didn't start leaking.  I didn't lose my sex drive.  I didn't shrivel up into a little crying ball wishing I was 30 again. 

I think 40 is going to work out well for me. 

I've been on quite the adventure throughout my life.  Sure, I haven't traveled to a ton of exotic places or cured cancer, but I try to keep the excitement at a long-term sustainable level. 

In my 20's, I worked with local bands and spent a lot of fun nights in the bars and clubs with a great group of friends.  In my 30's, I started pole dancing and met another community of amazing people.  I have been in my career for 22 years.  I have been an aunt for 11 years. 

I have experienced tragedy and anguish -- the lowest of the lows, where I have considered ending my own life.  And I have experienced the highest of the highs, where it feels criminal to be so happy.  I am happiest where I stand now.  I enjoy my job.  I love my friends and family.  I am active and healthy and feel the best I have in years. 

I have climbed Half Dome.  Sure, it's not Everest, but it kind of felt like it that day as I looked over the edge, amazed that I made it.  I worked for the Raiders for two seasons.  I did the 100th annual Bay to Breakers.  I love drag shows!  I live for good live music -- and my favorite band is Pepper.  I have done yoga in Grace Cathedral.  The beach is my happy place.  Riding horses on the beach is a feeling I can't describe.  Sunsets make me cry -- in a good way.  I have helped build the first independent and largest pole showcase in Northern California.  I play a chunky superhero in my off time.  Seriously, my life does not suck. 

I am really trying to embrace the "fuck yes" mentality.  The article I read applied it to dating -- not wasting time with men who are just "meh," but it transfers nicely to life.  If it is not a "fuck yes," it is a no.  When I was at my highest weight, I felt myself pulling away from people.  So, that's when I got into the local music scene and started making myself go out.  I took on the attitude that I would pretty much say yes to any experience that was offered to me (within reason, of course).  Although it certainly helped me not become antisocial and showed me some really fun times, I spread myself too thin.  Suddenly, you realize you're super busy but spending time with people who don't matter.  So, although I still stay busy now, I make time for the people who matter to me -- and those people make time for me as well.  We make time for the things that are important to us.  So, I say fuck yes to those things. 

Anyone can buy you a gift.  I am more interested in the experiences.  The most valuable thing you can give me is your time and I appreciate each and every one of you who has shared your time with me (and apologize to anyone who didn't make the photo album below...I went through photos for an hour trying to find everyone!). 

my mom

my dad
my nephew, Dillon

Family at the beach

Babies at Golden Gate Bridge

My seastar's wedding

Grand Canyon


Introducing the Moose!

My youngest sister, Lindsey

John dragging me across the finish line

The battle between good and evil

My friend Neil, originally from the band Sunburn

Chunky Girls in action


Ellen and me at NCPP

Jade -- she is everything!

Kristina -- my friend since we were 15

Rachelle and Ness -- I have known them 20 years

My mom and me at the beach

Fancy dress party


Bret from Pepper

Yesod from Pepper

Kaleo from Pepper


Introducing Ness to snapchat filters

The Pearson family

Do you know who this is?

Mina, Nadia and Rita

in Tahoe celebrating Ness' 40th

Marisa and Gia

Wipeout Run

NCPP 2016

Larissa, Annie and Rita

Do you know who THIS is?

Twirly fun

My hoe ass giraffe sister and partner in crime



  1. I never forgot the first time you walked into Twirly Girls. I said you looked like a viking warrior. Powerful and Beautiful. I thought that then...and I still think that now...You have touched so many lives and I'm glad I got to be a part of it. Happy birthday and always just gets and hugs

  2. Happy 40th. I know, a year late. I just turned 40 myself. Another August Virgo baby!

    1. Welcome to your 40's! I really can't complain. I feel like my 40's are going to be fabulous. <3