Tuesday, December 12, 2017

I Am So Fortunate

I originally titled this piece, "I am so lucky."  But luck seems so random.  Like I bought a lottery ticket and was the lucky winner of millions of dollars.  Being "fortunate" feels more like a choice and feels a little deeper.  It goes along with all the joy and gratitude I feel lately.  I also feel like I am noticing more synchronicities in my life as I relax into a more content state (4's are kind of my thing and I will often notice repeating 4's in times of stress so I use them to calm myself down).  Sometimes those synchronicities read like a "theme for a day."  For example, Saturday I was staying out of town with friends and I woke up to a text which included a photo of me wearing a unicorn head from a trip to a costume store we took a couple of weeks ago.  Kind of random he chose to send it at that time.  Minutes later, my sister-in-law tagged me in Facebook a video that drew a unicorn.  Then I logged into Instagram to see someone had left a unicorn emoji as a comment on one of my videos.  I laughed when I unpacked my clothes for the day.  I had forgotten I brought a unicorn shirt and socks to wear whale watching.  I went in to have breakfast and saw Diana was wearing her unicorn leggings, and her husband had a unicorn shirt.  It was a pretty magical, unicorn kind of day.  I mean, I did declare myself a unicorn very recently.  My Facebook profile also says it, so it's true.  Facebook would never lie!

We celebrated Rita's 52nd birthday over the weekend.  Rita feels pretty fortunate.  She's had three kidney transplants and never thought she'd make it to 52.  I guess my good fortune feels kind of material next to that, but I am grateful Rita is still here and that I have her in my life.  I thought, as I slept for free in a multi-million dollar house in Pebble Beach, that I am so very fortunate.  I am surrounded by pretty amazing people who take good care of me.  We enjoyed a beautiful weekend of whale watching, beach sunset photos, really amazing singing by me (happy birthday, Rita!!), and several hours relaxing at a day spa. 

You know, when my roommate left six weeks ago, I worried that money would be tight and I would struggle.  Then I just decided that it would not be the case.  And it hasn't been a problem.  I have no issues paying my bills, and I have continued to enjoy adventures.  That is due to the fact that I have a great group of friends and family who include me in the fun things they do.  The added bonus is now I also enjoy coming home!

I also recognize that in this day and age of people struggling to feed their families, facing terror attacks and other political strife, the fact that I have a little bit of self-esteem bullshit and anxiety to deal with means I'm doing pretty well. 

Still.  This journey has not been an easy one for me.  I am shedding all kinds of bad habits and limiting beliefs.  Sometimes I don't know if I'm a butterfly emerging from my cocoon or a snake shedding her skin.  And not because I'm a snakey person.  The whole process has just felt kind of ugly (sorry, snake lovers...but I'm not a big fan), but I am feeling like I've turned a corner and I finally see the light. 

Anyway, I didn't mean for this to be a long one.  I just find it helpful to get my thoughts out when they are swirling around in my head.  Thanks again for being on this journey with me!  I know this blog was initially set up to chronicle my pole dance adventures, but I believe we are all dynamic people with multi-faceted lives to share.  Sharing these different aspects of my life seem to be helpful for those who are also struggling (thank you for all of the comments and messages that you send).

Until next time, keep twirling! 



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