Monday, April 22, 2019


I can't believe it has been over five months since my last post!  A little over five months ago, I had surgery to fix my breast implants. I'd love to tell you how that surgery was completely successful and I'm sitting here with amazing boobs and completely happy with all the money I've spent in the last couple of years.  The Universe had other plans for me.  A lesson in being happy with what I have perhaps.  My implants are uneven and I'm facing the scar revision (more surgery) that my surgeon didn't have time for during my last surgery.  I hear you yelling, you should sue!  Yeah.  Well, since I didn't die and the saline was just absorbed by my body, so I didn't get sick, no decent attorney wants my case.

Anyway, if you're wondering what I've been up to in the last five months, here we go.

I am (happily) back up to yoga five days a week.  You're probably thinking, man you must be extremely flexible.  That is not the case.  In fact, I am noticing that, at only 42, I have lost so much mobility -- it is actually scaring me.  I can no longer get even close to flat in "frog" position.  Even though my hips have always been a bit tight, and I've never been able to do the splits, I could still do a decently respectable frog.  I can't squat down without pain in my knees (don't even ask me to stand up from that position without touching my hands to the ground).  Sometimes when I am walking upstairs, especially if I'm carrying heavy bags, one of my knees just doesn't seem to want to work.  It doesn't hurt.  It just doesn't want to do what its being told.  My hammies are tight (which I understand is a sign that the muscle is short -- and weak).  My calves are floppy (they really never recovered from weight loss after gastric bypass 15 years ago).  I was trying to do what one trainer calls "prison squats."  It is really just standing up from being on your knees (with your hands behind your head).  Yeah.  I couldn't do it.  I can't deep squat without pain.  My lower back and left hip are often tight and sore.  My core is almost non-existent and I still just feel so bottom heavy because I can't lift my legs to my chest (or invert) without help.  Basically, my body isn't happy.

When did this happen?

I was trying to figure out when things went bad.  I was still good when I started pole dancing in 2009.  I never poled enough to gain the strength I needed to do all the "cool moves" but I was still fairly flexible in my own little inflexible way.  I did start having major hip pain in 2010 (later connected to my relationship, which I didn't end until almost six years later).  I started teaching my pole class regularly in 2011/2012.  I began a job in San Francisco in late 2012.  I was commuting (often standing for long periods) on public transportation, which I truly hated.  It was a job I disliked, and I gained a lot of weight.  This lead to foot surgery (plantar fascial release) in 2013.  I think this is when my body got mad.  In 2014, I lost almost 40 pounds and got back to being active, but my body didn't bounce back.  I also feel like that's when I lost my pole mojo.  I lost the ability to free dance/flow, and I stopped enjoying class as much as I used to.  I took a new job in 2015 and stopped teaching regularly.  I feel like that was probably the final nail in the mojo coffin.  I have been caught between needing to workout for the health of my brain and body, and being tired of injuring myself.

Suddenly, I have learned the value of doing movement that makes my body feel good.  Forcing myself to do things I don't enjoy was causing me more injuries and pain.  However, I recently felt like I needed to step it up a little in order to gain strength and reverse the lost mobility.  In addition to my yoga classes, I am doing Betty Rocker HIIT workouts (15 minutes in the morning to get the day started right).  I am also starting to walk more after work (now that the weather is nice), and am hiking on the weekends (to prepare for a trip to Hawaii in June).  I feel like it's making a huge difference in how my body feels.

Although I was pretty certain I wouldn't return to pole after this surgery, I recently offered to teach a class and took a class with Grace in order to try to find some of that lost mojo.  Due to surgery, and NCPP last year, it has probably been eight or nine months since I've been on the pole regularly.  Last Monday, I showed up to dance and was pleasantly surprised.  I really enjoyed myself, and I was able to do more moves than I expected.  I still feel like I won't be poling regularly anymore (it is just way too lopsided, even if you do train both sides), but I do think I'll take some workshops and one-off classes on occasion.  I paid a lot of money for these boobs and I don't want to do anything to damage them (or make them uneven).

So, there you go.  Sorry for disappearing for five months.  I will have some updates on a recent performance and perhaps my upcoming class.  For now, enjoy the dance we were learning last week in Grace's class. 

Check out the video on my Facebook page:

Until next time...

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