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Thursday, December 30, 2021

52 Hike Challenge: The Update

Natural Bridges - Santa Cruz
In October, I had written about taking on the 52 Hike Challenge in 2021.  In 2020, I had signed up to do a hiking challenge through the East Bay Regional Parks website, but that kind of went to shit after covid hit.  When I wrote about the challenge in October, I had about 8 weeks left in the year, and 17 hikes to get in.  Facing bad weather in the last month or so, I really had to lighten up on my rules for the hikes, but I am proud to announce that I DID hit my 52 hikes.  I had to do a couple of "urban hikes" through town since the recent rain caught me off guard, but I feel like I stuck with the spirit of the challenge.  I got outdoors and got moving after a very slow-moving 2020.  

In total, I hiked 166 miles in 2021 (which is separate from the increase in general "steps" I am trying to get after getting my Apple Watch in August).  According to my AllTrails app, for the 40 events I recorded through the app, I spent 60 hours in the outdoors and climbed a collective 17,067 feet.  I wish I'd used the app for all of my hikes and walks!  

Some of my favorite hikes in the last two months include visiting Natural Bridges to see the monarchs and the Old Landing Cove trail in Santa Cruz.  I have spent a lot of time at Black Diamond Mines and Contra Loma in Antioch, but there are so many trails, that I didn't repeat any specific hike all year.  In fact, with the exception of maybe two trails/locations, almost all of these hikes were unique trails.  I also decided a couple of weeks ago that there must be a way to hike from Contra Loma to Black Diamond Mikes -- and there is!  That hike was under 5 miles roundtrip.  That hike was kind of special because the parking lot I planned to use was full so I had to park deeper in the park.  At the end of that hike, I found someone's keys in the grass.  I knew as soon as I saw those keys that it was the reason I was forced to park elsewhere.  I turned them into the park ranger and she said the man had lost the keys the day before but had just returned to the park to start looking for them again.  He called me and thanked me profusely.  He said he had hiked ten miles the day before looking for those keys, and that his wife assured him he was a good person and someone would find those keys and return them to him.  It felt really nice to make someone's day.  

Contra Loma to Black Diamond Mines

I tried a trail in Santa Rosa with Jade -- Annadel State Park.  While I loved the trails and the park was beautiful, the cyclists were very aggressive and rude -- unlike anywhere else I have hiked (not calling out, running up on us going way too fast and making us feel like we were in their way).  I don't know that I would return there for that reason.  Side  note: cyclists are supposed to yield to hikers, and it really isn't difficult to yell out, "on your left" so I can step off the trail.

I also went to Sycamore Grove in Livermore, which is really only about half an hour from my house.  There were so many trails and once you got up into the hills, you could walk for so long before you saw anyone else.  It was also crazy to see where fires had burned some of the tress.  You would see a blacked out tree trunk with beautiful green grass in the background.  

There is a regional trail within walking distance of my house.  My final hike of the year was supposed to be Lands End to the Golden Gate, but the rain and freezing weather caused us to reschedule for another time.  I ended up walking that regional trail to check out the swollen creek.  It wasn't the spectacular end I had planned for my 52 hikes, but it was the safer and warmer choice.  

Annadel State Park
Although I am happy I completed this challenge, it almost became a second job in the last two months.  I was so obsessed with getting those hikes in -- I was trying to run out after work before the time change caused it to get dark so early.  I was hiking unprepared in cold weather.  I was cramming hikes in before family events.  It started to become less enjoyable, and the whole reason I want to be outside hiking is to enjoy nature.  I don't think I will participate in this challenge again in 2022, but I do think I will continue to plan fun hikes at least once a month, and put more emphasis on getting outdoors in general, no matter what I'm doing.  

I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year and a very active and nature-filled year in 2022!

Thursday, October 28, 2021

52 Hike Challenge

In January, I saw people on social media talking about a 52 hike challenge for 2021.  I figured I could handle one hike per week, so I jumped on the band wagon.  I started the year strong, getting hike 1 on January 1 and hike 2 on January 2.  

Despite some injuries throughout the year, I have successfully had at least one hike every month.  I have done 35 hikes total.  However, with only about 8 weeks left in the year, I need to fit 17 hikes in to hit my 52.  

I have done a lot of local hikes -- the Black Diamond side of Contra Loma is a favorite dog-friendly, off-leash hike.  I have been to Devil's Slide on the coast, and Little Yosemite in Sunol.  I hiked up north at McCloud Falls.  I have been down south (well, Bay Area south) to Uvas Canyon.  I hiked around the Salt River in Arizona.  I did Diamond Head in Hawaii.  I have walked over and around the Golden Gate Bridge.  I have done the Burney Falls loop.  I tried the Cleo's Bath hike in Pinecrest.  I did Alamere Falls, as well as Lands End in San Francisco.  I really have seen some of the most beautiful outdoor locations in our area this year.

So what's a "hike" to me?  It is outdoors (obviously), with some hills, and at least 2 miles (although I had a couple of hikes fall slightly short).  I have hiked a total of 125 miles this year.  My shortest hike was 1.5 miles (Burney Falls loop).  My longest hike was 8.5 miles (Alamere Falls).  Choosing a location can be difficult.  We had A LOT of 100+ degree days over the summer, which made local hikes dangerous.  However, driving two hours to the coast every single weekend to get my hikes started to become overwhelming.  Plus, the coast is usually foggy in the summer.  The gorgeous views are usually best in Fall.  A lot of coastal hikes (especially on my favorite Mt. Tam) are not dog-friendly.  And I now have a dog who knows when she is being left behind, so I have a little guilt when I leave for a hike without her.

I have gone through my calendar and set a fairly aggressive hiking schedule to get myself all the hikes I need to hit my goal.  Weather-permitting, I should be able to get them in before the end of the year.  It will require a double-up of hikes pretty much every week, but I know I can do that.  On Saturday, in fact, I will be heading to Walnut Creek to find a hidden labyrinth.  I have to get in a hike tomorrow after work, and probably one on Sunday as well.  

If you have any favorite hikes, let me know!  Even if I can't fit it in this year, I am already setting my hiking schedule for next year!



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Thursday, October 14, 2021

Nature Goddess: Lands End Hike

Last weekend, Jade and I braved San Francisco during Fleet Week to do the Lands End hike.  This hike is one of my favorites.  Although there are some stairs, this is a fairly flat and easy hike.  If you go at the right time (i.e., not summer when the fog is the worst in the mornings), you have gorgeous views of the ocean and Golden Gate Bridge for the majority of the time you're on the trail.  And you can hike a mile, or you can wander into the multi-million dollar neighborhoods and continue your exploration.  My ultimate goal is to hike from the Lands End/Sutro Baths point to the Golden Gate Bridge.  My understanding is that you have to walk through neighborhoods, down to the beach, then back up onto the trail, to make it happen, so it will be a little more challenging.  I believe it is about 4.5 miles one way.  

I park at the lot near the Lookout Visitor's Center.  It is right past Ocean Beach (if you're coming from the south), and the former Cliff House restaurant (which closed last year due to lease issues), at the lot that overlooks the Sutro Baths.  I prefer this lot because there have been an increased report of break-ins in the area, and I feel like it's a busy lot with enough people around to (hopefully) deter the criminals.  The lot fills up pretty early, so I would suggest you start your hike by 8 AM (or go in the afternoon when it might be less crowded).  10 AM seems to be the busiest time.

Once you're on the trail, there are so many options.  As discussed above, you can get right on the trail and head out for as far as you'd like.  You can take the stairs down to the Sutro Baths to explore the remains of the buildings.  You can just go chill by the Cliff House and hope for a view of dolphins or whales.  Jade and I got lucky the first time we hiked here and got to see dolphins from the window of the restaurant (we had breakfast before the hike because rain and 50 degree weather was not the biz...).  It's a beautiful place with a mix of ocean and trees against the Golden Gate backdrop.  

This trip, we got right on the trail at 8 AM.  It was Fleet Week and I had looked up the schedule for the Blue Angels, only to find that activities were running 10 AM to 4 PM.  My goal was to see the Blue Angels from the trail.  Technically, the show is on the other side of the Golden Gate in the Marina District, but they fly over the Golden Gate, so I knew we would get to see it as well.  We wandered down the trail, and even into the neighborhood to oooh and ahhh at some of the gorgeous ocean-facing homes.  Eventually, we turned around because my hope was to see the jets flying through the Golden Gate.  As we walked back, we took a side trip to a cliff that overlooks the ocean.  It would have been the perfect place to see the Blue Angels.  Except...their show didn't start until later in the afternoon.  The generic schedule I got didn't tell me exactly when they were flying.  In fact, no one was flying until almost noon.  Since it was only about 10:30 AM, we decided we wouldn't wait another hour or more to see planes.  However, while we were excitedly waiting for the show to start, we got to see whales in the ocean.  At first I thought it was a pack of sea lions, but they had blow holes and they moved more like whales.  It was pretty cool.  I always hope to see something like that on my ocean-front hikes, but it is pretty rare it actually happens.  It definitely made the trip that much more special.

There are a couple of cut-outs with benches along the trail, which are nice for breaks, a snack, or just to take in the views.  The trail is dog-friendly (which has been difficult for me to find lately).  Although, my dog really does better off-leash, so dragging her away from every other dog or awesome smell she needed to check out wasn't all that fun.  Many dogs we ran into were off-leash.  I couldn't trust my dog there since she will chase a squirrel over a cliff without a second thought.  Our hike ended up being about 4.5 miles.  

If you're looking for a San Francisco hike, this is my number one pick.  I had scheduled the Lands End to Golden Gate hike last Thanksgiving then ended up hurting my knee, so I canceled.  Now that my six month long run of injuries are healed, I think maybe it is time to reschedule so I can make it in for this year's 52 hike challenge.  

Thursday, September 16, 2021

Nature Goddess: Alamere Falls Hike

I did the Alamere Falls hike, on the Point Reyes National Seashore, in July 2019.  Roundtrip, the hike is 8-1/2 to 12 miles, depending on your route.  There are a couple of scrambles that require a little faux rock climbing, a ton of poison oak, but lots of gorgeous views.  It is about a two hour drive for me, ending in a long rocky dirt road, with little to no cell service (so download your All Trails maps, and maybe print out some paper maps).  You really have to get there by 8 AM if you want parking, so that means leaving the house by 6 AM.

When Jade and I started talking about doing the hike again, I was slightly worried because I am carrying around some of that covid weight, but I was participating in the 52 Hikes Challenge this year, and at that time, was on par to complete a hike every single weekend.  I felt strong.  I had rehabbed some knee issues.  I was ready.  Then I wasn't.  I don't even know what happened, but I went almost two months without much hiking, and the weekend loomed.  We pushed it out once, but decided Labor Day weekend was time to make it happen.  It was my 32nd hike for the year, and we clocked about 8-1/2 miles using my new Apple Watch (I accidentally turned it off early in the hike, so that's why I don't have the exact mileage).  I am currently off-track for hitting my 52 hikes for the year, but who knows...maybe I'll put some doubles in over a few weekends and get back to it.  I have been extremely tired lately, and it is hard to get up and go hike in 100 degree heat.  Many coastal hikes I would love to do are not dog friendly, and it is difficult to look Belle in the face and leave her behind when she knows I'm going on a hike (she watches me pack the car and judges me harshly when she thinks she's being left at home).

I remember the last hike being extremely hot (for the coast), the trail was packed (we started later in the morning), and parking was full so we had to park down the dirt road and walk in.  Ness, Ant, Jade and I logged over 10 miles on that trip.  This trip, Jade, Steph, and I got there early, and the walk actually seemed faster and easier.  We were almost surprised when we turned the corner and saw the rock arrow for the shortcut out to the coast.  

The shortcut requires you to walk through some pretty closed in areas with a lot of poison oak (leaves of three, let it be!).  I really don't suggest you do it unless you are fully covered -- long pants and sweatshirts.  I have never had poison oak and, knock on wood, hope to keep it that way.  I understand it gets worse each time you are exposed to it.  We saw some people trying to do it in shorts, and I really hope they didn't end up with some itchies and scratchies.  Note that the shortcut is NOT the official trail, so if you are a stickler for rules, you'll want to spend the extra couple of miles walking past the shortcut to the campground, down to the beach, and back up to Alamere Falls.  If you did this roundtrip, you'd add about four miles to your hike.  You really have to keep an eye on the tides, though.  High tide often traps people on the beach, and no one wants to be the beach rescue that didn't know how to watch the tides.  

Once you're through the poison oak lined tree tunnel, the two scrambles down to the mid-way point to the beach (which has several beautiful falls to view, and plenty of space to sit and eat lunch) weren't terrible.  I find as I get older (or maybe my fall at McCloud Falls in May scared me), I'm a little more nervous when I hike steep spots, and I carry at least one hiking stick on every hike now.  When we arrived there were maybe only three other groups on the flat.  It was essentially empty (last time, there were easily 100 people hanging around).  By the time we left, everyone else had shown up, so I definitely encourage people to go early if you want some peace and quiet.  

The falls were also interesting because they had watercress floating on top of the water.  Anywhere we had seen water last time, had greenery on it this time.  It was beautiful but I understand watercress is actually an invasive species, so I wonder what is making it grow now.  

We sat and ate our lunch, then Steph and Jade decided to brave the steep scramble down to see the official Alamere Falls from the beach.  I peeked over and decided I didn't want to chance not being able to get back up.  Although the tide was going out so it was safe, I knew that it would add two miles to my hike if I wasn't able to climb back up, and had to walk down to the campground to get back to the main trail.  In fact, while I was up top exploring while Jade and Steph were on the beach, I watched a group trying to help a woman of about my size down the rocks.  It was a slow process, and she was clearly terrified, so I knew I had made the right decision.  Maybe I'll shed a few pounds, gain a little more strength, and try next time we do this hike.  

After Jade and Steph were done exploring the beach and falls, they climbed back up to the mid-section where I was, and we returned to the trail.  I was surprised when I had to use more upper body strength than I remember to get up the middle scramble.  If all these words (scrambles, etc.) are confusing, its like minor rock climbing.  You definitely need to be able to pull yourself up a little, but you have enough room to wedge your body, or leverage yourself, so it's not as bad or scary as it sounds.  I was feeling it the next day.  My upper body was sore.  I should do some push-ups and pull-ups or something before we go again.  

The walk back was fairly uneventful.  We had talked briefly about stopping at one of the lakes we passed on the way in, but it was colder this time, and there looked to be a lot of poison oak around the path, so we just continued back to the parking lot.  We could hear a lot of people yelling and swimming.  I know the algae blooms are dangerous right now, and those lakes are pretty green, so that would have made me nervous too.  The walk back definitely seemed longer than the walk in.  I was tired and sore, plus the walk always seems uphill both ways.  The trail was filled with more people as it was later in the day.  The entire hike, including our exploration time, was about five hours. 

Alamere is one of those touristy type hikes.  Again, if you're looking for peace and quiet, either go early, or at least not on a weekend.  I would advise against hiking alone.  Although this trail doesn't have a lot of turn offs were you can get lost, I've been listening to a lot of podcasts about hikers going missing in National or state parks (Park Predators and Missing 411).  I've always felt safe hiking alone, but maybe I've just been lucky so far.

I turned 45 the week before this hike.  I have been struggling with some weight gain and covid depression lately.  I deemed this year my year to get healthy (yet again).  So my hashtag is #45more.  I don't care about the pounds as much as how I feel.  And I know that some of the exhaustion is just being overwhelmed by the state of the world.  But I keep plugging along and I know things will be just fine.  Everything always ends up working out.  

If you've ever hiked Alamere Falls, I'd love to hear about your experience!  You can leave a comment below.  






Monday, July 26, 2021

Twirly Turns 16!

Last year, I posted about Twirly Girls being sold (in the middle of a pandemic no less), and reminisced about the previous ten years of being a Twirly Girl.  As of last month, California is open for business again, and Grace and Rosanne couldn't let July pass without throwing a Sweet 16 party for the Twirly Tribe.  I think it has been over two years since I have stepped foot in the studio.  I had a self-diagnosed SLAP tear to my right shoulder.  It happened in pole, but I also think certain poses in yoga helped contribute to it not healing (I never went to the doctor as I figured they would only offer exercises or surgery, and I could look up the exercises myself).  

Earlier this year, I posted about a loss of mobility.  Weight gain.  Age.  Depression (covid-related).  Time.  Scars.  Exhaustion.  Pain.  Sometimes just pure laziness.  These are some of the things getting in the way of my being "in shape."  I successfully rehabbed a self-diagnosed LCL strain to my right knee last year, only to fall in May on my left knee (causing me to think it was actually broken), which led to another hyperextension (swelling and major pain in the LCL/IT band area) of the right knee in June. This led to about three months of very gentle yoga (nothing on the knees, so mostly seated poses).  I noticed my SLAP tear pain went away.  However, last week, I visited Twirly and did all of two pole sits, along with returning to "real" yoga.  Guess what -- that SLAP tear burn is back in my shoulder.  Between shoulder and knee issues, my commitment to staying off the pole is renewed.  I look fondly back on my pole days, but am definitely having to leave that in the rear view mirror.  The Twirling Viking Warrior has officially, and fully, retired.  

It was, however, awesome to be in the studio, seeing people I haven't seen in a year or two.  The remodel is beautiful.  It looks like a completely different space, while still feeling familiar like home.  I am so happy that Twirly will live on.  I took my 6 year old nephew and 2 year old niece with me -- and told them we were going to circus school.  They had a blast.  In fact, my nephew told me he loved it more than me but not to be upset because it was just different.  We explained to Tyler that people who climbed to the top of the pole got to put their dollars on the wall.  He got to work figuring out how to climb.  When he got to the top, he put his dollar with mine.  The Twirly torch has been passed.  





Thanks for the stroll down Memory Lane, Grace and Rosanne!  The studio is gorgeous!


Wednesday, March 17, 2021

Mobility

Mobility.  I'm losing mobility.  I feel old even saying that.  Today is one year since California shut down for two weeks to "bend the curve."  Friday the 13th was the last day I was in my office working a traditional "8-5," and California issued a mass quarantine order relating to the covid-19 pandemic effective Tuesday, March 17, 2020.  Also, today is the 17th anniversary of my weight loss surgery -- a journey that helped me lose 165 pounds.  

I have had so many surgeries in my lifetime.  Ten times, I have gone under anesthesia to allow a surgeon to cut into my body, sometimes having multiple procedures during the surgery.  Each cut is a scar.  Each scar locks my body down a little bit more.  You know, when my plastic surgeon did my "arm lift," he cut a "Z" into my arm pit.  This was so that I wouldn't lose the ability to raise my arms over my head.  Whenever I get a new massage therapist, even when I warn them, I feel them pause dramatically when they get to my lower body lift scar.  The scar itself is thin and well-done, so looking at it isn't all that exciting.  However, when you touch it, you can feel the thick scar tissue underneath.  It holds one part of my body tight, pushing gained fat into weird places my body normally wouldn't have carried it.  

The last year has been rough.  I've gained weight (with fat in places I've never seen it squish into before).  This is certainly not the highest post-gastric bypass weight I've ever been, but I'm not trying to make that a contest.  However, when I look at photos of myself from just a year ago, I can tell a huge difference (no pun intended).  In the world of loving your body, I know I shouldn't judge myself, but let's be real -- I'm judging myself (plus I feel like crap and everything hurts).  I'm not moving as much.  I'm consuming too much sugar.  My knees and hips ache.  My hamstrings are weak and short.  My calves are knotted.  My core is weak.  My mid-back hurts (if I'm being honest, so does my lower back).  I'm pretty sure I have a SLAP tear.  I shuffle like an old lady when I first stand up.  I couldn't squat without intense pain.  My hips are so tight, that thinking I could handle frog pose is a fun little joke I play on myself (which is a move I could do ten short years ago).  My new neck pain is sometimes unbearable.  I assumed it was my pillow and have tried all different brands.  I used the foam roller and a lacrosse ball for self-massage.  I saw a chiropractor and did all the exercises to strengthen my back, which was supposed to lead to less strain on my neck.  Didn't really help.  Finally, I saw a physical/massage therapist.  Her brand of massage is more therapy - what I imagine Thai massage might be like.  She contorts me into strange positions, then starts to work out the knots.  When I first walked into her office, she said, your chest is pulling your entire body forward!  She's right.  My shoulders and back round forward, toward all of those scars around my chest, arms and side, which is putting strain on my neck.  The two types of mesh anchored to my insides aren't helping either.  It all hurts.  All the time.  

2019

My running joke for years has been how I will feel like I'm doing the craziest, deepest backbend and someone will take a photo, and I will just be standing up stick straight.  In fact, I bought this little contraption that you can lay on that will give you a little back arch.  I figured it would be good to use if I'm going to be doing something like watching TV.  It has three levels.  Level 1 makes me feel like I'm doing a deep, painful backbend.  It causes maybe a two inch arch in my back.  Level 3 might kill me (I've never even tried it), but its hardly full wheel pose.  I have contraptions all over the house.  Foam rollers, yoga mats, straps, blocks, yoga wheel, neck traction hammock.  I even have a brace to wear to remind me to keep my shoulders back.  We just re-did the bonus room (i.e., my office and yoga room) so that I would have more room for my exercises.  All in the name of erasing pain.

Recently, I decided it was time to change up whatever I'm doing.  I purchased a physical therapy system.  It was designed to rehab a single certain injury.  I decided my entire body was the injury.  So I have some basic exercises I'm doing each morning to separately rehab my feet, hips, shoulders, hamstrings, knees, neck and back.  I also found a website offering mobility exercises (probably the first time I'm glad Facebook was listening to me complain since it showed up as a suggested ad).  It's called KaisaFit.  I have been doing those three times a week and am now going to subscribe to her entire site so I can have access to additional classes.  I'm still doing yoga with my favorite instructor, but I let myself get out of shape so I needed a little different care.  

2021
In November, I had a self-diagnosed LCL strain (knee), right before a big hike I had planned for Nature Goddess Adventures.  The pain was excruciating.  It killed me to cancel that hike, but I didn't have a choice.  I wouldn't have made a ten mile hike.  Shoot, I wouldn't have made it a mile.  Now only a few months later, I did a deep squat (all the way to the ground) without pain for the first time.  Sure, my heels pop up and I can't keep my feet as wide as I'd like, but I was able to squat.  That was a huge win for me.  I feel a little silly saying this but some days my exercises include things like: "sit on your knees."  I can't do it for long, but I can do it again.  I can also relax in child's pose (and am almost completely flat in pigeon on the right side).  I had continued yoga after my injury, but child's pose was painful (and I couldn't lay my chest on the floor in pigeon).  Now I am just back to regular stiffness during yoga, not pain.  They say (whoever "they" are) that one of the signs of how you're doing as you age is the ability to get up off the floor.  So I am on the floor all the time.  Nothing makes you feel older than saying one of your exercises is just getting up off the floor!  How am I facing this at the age of 44??  I faced the same question with my hip around the age of 33.  I thought I was going to be in a wheelchair by the time I was 40, but I completely cured myself (with help).  I can do it again.  Perhaps it is metaphysical, perhaps it's a real injury.  I need to do some soul searching to figure it out.    

Twice in the last few years, I have purchased those "do the splits in four weeks" or "be more flexible" types of programs.  In four weeks, I'm no closer to doing the splits than when I started, and I usually feel like I've pulled something (no matter how much I warm up beforehand).  I should know better.  I know my body.  Forcing it into weird shapes is never the right way for me.  My new programs are different.  More gentle.  And more appreciative of what my body can do instead of what it can't.  

The last year has been a lot (for everyone in the world).  There have been a lot of changes for me personally.  Yes, covid changed everything, but I bought this house and moved to suburbia.  I started working from home more often.  I was moving a lot less.  Maybe I'm happy in my relationship so I let myself get fat (also, all those people who said if you make more food at home, you'll lose weight, lied).  Maybe some of it is age.  But I wonder if this is how people get diagnosed with diseases like fibromyalgia.  Everything huts but there's no obvious cause for the pain.  I have been through this similarly before with my hip, although that was an acute pain and this is more like a general ache all over my body, especially in my knees and hips - they just kind of feel tired all the time.  I don't necessarily think it's my joints.  When I eat gluten, my hands hurt, and I believe that is joint pain.  The knees and hips are something else.  Generally, I can gauge inflammation by a psoriasis flare.  It is also an indication that I am stressed out.  But my skin looks okay right now, so that is confusing.  I also went through a minute of adult acne (I now believe it was related to wearing a mask, but I was worried it was hormonal), and that also caused some concern.  I've always had clear skin, so I get worried when issues pop up for no known reason.  I know I need to figure out what to balance to put my body back into homeostasis.  

January 2018

I sometimes wonder how I got to where I am in my life (like, how my body works).  Sure, we are born with certain limitations, but I believe most of mine were probably nurture over nature.  (The day after I wrote this blog, my friend Ellen sent a newsletter with a most fantastic subtitle: Genetics loads the gun, lifestyle pulls the trigger.)   I was the oldest child and took some weird mental responsibility for my family's well-being.  I was put on birth control at 15, which was probably one of the worst things that could have happened to my body.  Although I took on the chunky kid role around the time my parents split when I was 12 years old, I really gained weight after I started taking the pill.  Even worse, I stayed on it 24 years, completely messing up my hormones and my body's natural ability to regulate itself.  I preferred reading books over playing softball.  I took a job at 18 that causes me to sit all day, which has clearly blessed me with a shortened psoas.  I went to college and worked full time, choosing lots of fast food as my easy meal option.  I gained all that weight in my late teens and early 20's, leading to a decision to re-arrange my insides at the age of 27.  I then decided to have even more surgery to remove the sagging skin at the age of 30 (and multiple other times), which gave me all these scars.  I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if even one of those choices had been different.  My mom is thin and had knee replacements in her 50's, as well as hip replacements in her 60's.  Perhaps I was destined to have these issues, but my life choices contributed to the problem.

August 2018
Anyway, here we are.  Seventeen years after weight loss surgery changed my life (not necessarily for the better since lower weight doesn't automatically equal healthier body).  One year after covid changed it some more.  I've thrown around the idea of joining a program like Noom, or maybe even doing a cleanse.  I've already tried intermittent fasting with almost no weight loss (I thought giving up my morning sugary vitamin waters again should have given me something).  But I worry about what diet culture does to my mindset.  I know when I try to "diet" (i.e., concentrate on losing weight/count calories), I end up in a binge and a huge gain.  Instead of the number on the scale, I try to gauge my health by how I'm feeling (currently, like a sausage) and how my vitamin levels are (iron was low last year and it is time to get them checked again).  I'm currently taking tons of vitamins and recently added my protein shakes back into my meal plan.  My best bet is usually to "set it and forget it:" come up with a plan to make healthier choices and allow that to flow into my life.  I lost 35-40 pounds five to six years ago without counting calories.  I can do it again.  

I keep pondering how long I will keep up this blog.  I know I'm not writing much anymore.  I feel compelled to write on occasion just so it doesn't completely die (since I have been here for 11 years!), but I have no clue if the clicks I'm getting are real people still reading what I have to say.  I feel like, at one point, I was helping the cause, whether you were a plus sized poler, a gastric bypass patient, or just a regular person dealing with body issues.  Now I feel like I'm mostly using this like an online diary complaining about getting old, fat, and ugly.  Plus, I can tell Facebook hides my links in order to get me to pay for ads, which further lowers my audience reach.  So, if you're still out there reading these posts, feel free to leave a comment!  How's the last year been for you?