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| Never lose your sense of humor |
I've had a hard time vocalizing how I've felt recently. 2020 has been amazing to me. I bought this house. I have an amazing relationship. I live close to my family, and I still see them on a regular basis (so I am not isolated). I have a job (even if I am furloughed one day a month), which allows me to work at home, but also allows me the autonomy to go into the office if/when I choose.
But 2020 has also kicked my ass. I am exhausted. I have gained some weight. I am eating decently, but I am definitely not moving as much as I used to, so my body hurts. Working at home is nice, but then there is no separation between home and work. Breaks aren't real breaks. They mean time to do dishes or laundry. I don't take an hour lunch anymore. I just eat at my desk, continuing to do work, because why not? I'm not commuting but I feel like I have less time, not more. I still can't seem to find time to do a lot of the spiritual woo-woo stuff that I used to do on a daily basis. No card pulls. No journal writing. No full moon rituals. I just can't pull it together. Why?
I was listening to a podcast a couple of weeks ago and they gave it a name: pandemic burnout. Our adrenals are essentially shot because we don't know what's going to happen next so our bodies are just constantly in stress-mode.
I am on social media (probably a bad idea) watching the world fall apart. Businesses are failing, and people are (or will soon) lose their homes. There is no real guidance. Politicians are making all of these seemingly arbitrary rules, some that change on a daily basis, while they are privately doing whatever they want to do. Unemployment has run out for many, or was never offered to some, yet people are being fined for trying to keep their businesses open. It is appalling that we as a society aren't being allowed to take care of ourselves, but also can't rely on the government that is telling us that we cannot work.
In California, some counties (like the one I live in) are setting more strict health orders than the state, but then expect already-overloaded city police departments to enforce these constantly-changing rules. No one can keep up. The district attorneys aren't prosecuting many "petty" crimes, and a lot of criminals aren't being taken to jail because they don't want to bring covid in. Yet people just trying to run their businesses so they can feed their families are being threatened with citations. It's sick.
Our government has failed us. You can blame Trump or your governor, but all of these politicians have failed. People are losing homes and businesses. They are telling you that you can’t work and feed your families. They aren’t giving money to the people who need it (but are happily approving claims for people who don’t qualify). They think a one-time payment of $1,200 was helping, when all it did was create more debt for the country to dig out of. The government is broken. You can pretend things are going to change in January but they aren’t. These people aren’t smarter than you. Many of them are decades in and have been part of the problem for the entire time. If they didn’t work for the government, they likely wouldn’t qualify for a job that even pays into the six figures. They aren’t taking pay-cuts. They are still visiting their families and getting their haircuts.
I kept hearing that we are destroying the economy for a virus with a 99.9% survival rate. And I thought, that can’t be right. So I looked it up. According to the CDC, that’s right. If you are young, it’s a 99.99% survival. If you’re over 70, it’s a 99.5% survival rate. We aren’t even to the hard part. In California, there’s a moratorium on evictions for covid affected people. But they still owe all that money. And what if the landlord loses the house in the meantime? What happens then? It’s trickle down. In another year, when this all comes due, we are really going to feel the effects of what is happening right now. For a virus. With a 99+% survival rate. The end of the world is seemingly here. And it certainly is not our government who is going to take care of us.
My belief is that adults who want to work should be allowed to work so they can feed their families. Those who have compromised immune systems should be the ones who stay home and safe. Sure, wear the masks and social distance, but if the government cannot afford to pay everyone to stay home, they should expect people will do what they need to do to feed their families. These small businesses being targeted with fines are not getting rich off this pandemic. They are just trying to survive. Please explain to me how walking through Walmart is safe but shopping at a small mom and pop shop is not.
Now, I am also not stupid. I know why these large companies are allowed to stay open. They are the ones providing the jobs. But mega corporations thank the government for putting their smaller competition out of business.
I'm not smart enough to claim I have any answers, but I do know that what we've been doing isn't working. Anyway, this wasn't meant to be a rant. I just realized I hadn't checked in since the summer, and it was probably time to say hello. Apparently, I needed to get all of that out. I hope each of you are coping better than I appear to be. I am here if you want to share your story.
