The Fluffy Nature Goddess Update

Wow, I cannot believe it has been almost two years since my last post. I debated on whether a new post was even necessary. I recently spent a couple of days de-publishing over 300 old blogs from the last 14 years that contained a lot of self-hate directed at my weight, and bad science about dieting. I found my writing cathartic at the time, however, in reading it back now, it seems like a lot of unnecessary complaining. I can't say this post is going to end up being much different, but I love a good update. This is going to be a little long (if you know me, you won't be surprised). Here is a "how we got here" recap (shout out to Sam and Dean), and an update for you. Sorry if you've heard the story before, but this post is the backbone of what may become something bigger later on.

For my entire life I have “battled” obesity. I was always told that it was my fault because I couldn’t control myself. Eat less. Exercise more. I just had to try a little harder with the willpower thing. I was on Weight Watchers by the time I was 13. I was drinking disgusting and unhealthy Slim Fast throughout my childhood. I was on phen fen by the time I was 21. I had gastric bypass surgery at the age of 27. I lost 165+ pounds after that surgery, although I did gain some weight back. I went from close to 350 pounds, down to 180. At my lightest, I started taking antidepressants for the first time in my life, and started gaining weight again.  Eventually, I found a comfortable weight around 225 pounds. In 2013, I had foot surgery, and I rebounded up to 260, but I went gluten-free, increased my fat intake, and exercised a tiny bit more to get back down to my comfortable weight in 2016.

For my whole life, I have been sold the narrative that calories in versus calories out – calorie deficit and over-exercising – were the only way to lose weight (i.e., that willpower I apparently never had). I am not delusional – I understand food and exercise are part of the equation, but it is not 100% of the equation in a "fat" person's body. I was in the gym six to seven days a week when I was at my biggest. I was told that cardio was the best way to lose weight, and that women doing too many weight-bearing exercises were going to "look like a man."  All false. No one talks about how food is now engineered to have less nutritional value and more awful preservatives. How it’s created to make you want to eat more of the bad sugary (and non-filling) stuff.

I had three siblings who had the same parents and lived in the same household. They aren’t fat. So why am I? We ate the same food. My mom always said I preferred reading books to playing sports (even though I see pictures of myself playing softball as a kid). I just wasn’t an “active kid” apparently. However, I don’t necessarily remember being a completely sedentary kid either. My friend had horses, and I went to her house to ride and play outside. I walked to school most days. I had a paper route at the age of 11 that required me to either walk or ride my bike carrying heavy rolled-up papers. My grandparents had an apricot ranch, and I remember helping them – mowing the lawn (well, on a riding lawn mower but they had eight acres, so it was still pretty active), and cutting apricots to dry. I really didn’t think of myself as a lazy kid.

I was also tall for my age – often being mistaken for being older than I was. I remember hearing a story about someone thinking I was 8 when I was only 4. At the age of 8, I have a photo of me standing next to my best friend who is a few days older than me, and I was easily double her size. My parents split at the age of 12. My dad claims this is when he really noticed me starting to get chubby. However, I got my period at the age of 13. I was put on birth control at the age of 15. These are all things that might change the body (and weight) of a child.

I remember being 16 or 17 and I started going to step aerobics, so I lost some weight. I was probably also doing slim fast, maybe even Weight Watchers too. I was a junior in high school. One of the gym teachers could not believe it was me. He kept remarking on how much thinner I looked. He was so proud of me. It felt gross while also feeling great. I loved the praise. 

Post-gastric bypass, I saw how people treated you differently as a thinner person. People were nicer. I had men tripping over themselves to open doors for me, something that had never happened before. I could never figure out if it was my change in attitude, or their approval of me as a thinner person. It set me up for a lot of trust issues.

Currently, in 2024, at the age of 47, I am suddenly “battling” my weight again. When covid hit in 2020, and I was sent home to work, I ended up putting on about 40 pounds over two years. I got an Apple Watch, and started trying to be cognizant of my movement. I stabilized and was sitting around 265 pounds for the last couple of years. However, in 2023, I started to realize I had a lot of weird symptoms. Loss of strength, night sweats, insomnia, joint pain, hair loss, the before-mentioned weight gain (especially in the midsection, which makes me look very oddly shaped thanks to the plastic surgeries I had years ago), exhaustion to the point of it interfering with my life, extreme grumpiness to the point of fearing it was going to get me in trouble at work, brain fog, snoring, anxiety. Never had I been told that these symptoms could be related to perimenopause. And since they each came on slowly at different times, I just kept telling myself, well our bodies change when we get older. I thought menopause was something I wouldn’t have to deal with until I was in my 50’s or 60’s.

In September 2023, I took a Facebook quiz with the website By Winona, and realized I was having perimenopausal issues (but thanks to taking birth control for 24 years, I don't actually know if my body knows how to function without "hormonal issues"). All of these issues are related. Why is no one talking about this? If you talk to traditional doctors, they will often offer you birth control pills or anti-depressants, and tell you this is the best they can do. I didn't want to go back on birth control pills, but they promised it was a lower dose, and not the same. I had spent so many years abusing my body with medical advances, why not start using those advances to actually help me. Winona was offering a cream (estrogen/progesterone) that seemed like a better idea for me (post-gastric bypass, I can sometimes be malabsorptive in the vitamin/pill department). They were also offering a supplement called DHEA. I signed up. Within two weeks, I was feeling better. I didn’t even realize the exhaustion and joint pain were so bad until I felt better. Two weeks after starting, I was able to run down two flights of stairs to catch a BART train, something I could not have done before the hormone replacement therapy (HRT). I suddenly didn’t need Sunday to recover if I did ANYTHING on Saturday. I wasn’t feeling like biting off the head of every human I crossed paths with. It felt like a miracle.

However, after starting HRT, I suddenly gained another 15 pounds (my body loves to do everything in 15-pound increments). I am the heaviest I have been in the 20 years since gastric bypass surgery. I am unhappy (or am I?). I recognize that my joints do hurt a lot more when I am heavier. Also, my skin hurts and I feel like a sausage when I gain weight so quickly. I feel like I need to "do something" but none of my prior tricks are working. I am a decently active person. I do yoga, swim, and ride bikes. I wear an Apple Watch to make sure I am getting my steps in. In the last few years, I have tried tricks that worked in the past: 16:8 intermittent fasting, cleanses, the chicken taco diet, cutting alcohol, lowering sugar intake, increasing fat and protein intake. Nothing has really moved the scale in the “right” direction.

The American Medical Association declared obesity a disease in 2013 (and apparently this was affirmed in 2023). (Although many will argue that obesity is merely a symptom of other diseases, not a disease itself, I teeter totter on how I feel about that.) For my whole life, I was told that I was the one doing everything wrong. When I contacted a Kaiser doctor last year, asking if I could be considered for Wegovy (a GLP1 medication related to the popular diabetic drug Ozempic, which stabilizes blood sugar and has the side effect of weight loss), I was told I would have to jump through many hoops before I could be considered for Wegovy, including paying thousands of dollars out-of-pocket for Kaiser’s weight loss program, and for what I assume is highly processed, disgusting food. Even if I cleared all their hurdles, the out-of-pocket cost to me for Wegovy would be very high. Essentially, I was being told my very clearly chronicled lifelong disease had a potential new treatment, but I wasn’t (again) working hard enough for it. I mean, I was willing to scramble my insides, and I'm still "sick," so did I not show I was serious about my treatments?

I watched a TV show about stars who are taking Ozempic. One reality star, Heather Gay, made a comment in response to someone saying that she was taking the easy way out. This is not a direct quote, but she essentially said that if someone thinks she’s taking the easy way out then they likely have been blessed with a naturally thin body (or high metabolism). And I couldn’t agree more. I was heavily judged for having weight loss surgery, and will likely be judged for asking to take one of these GLP1s (Ozempic, Mounjaro, Wegovy, Zepbound…). However, that judgment likely comes from someone who has not spent their entire lives “battling” their weight, mind, and body.

I think back to being a 13-year-old on Weight Watchers. The embarrassment of having to step on that scale in front of people. I think of their awful slogans, such as: “Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.” I was always felt like a nuisance because clothes were not made for children my size (my height, not even just my weight). I now have nieces who are nine, five, four, three and two. The nine-year-old is already being called fat at school (and this kid is so active…jiujitsu, softball, soccer, basketball). Society can be awful – and it is so easy to point fingers at people and tell them they aren’t good enough. As if being fat is the worst thing you could be. I sometimes wonder how different my life could have been if I didn’t have this weight (no pun intended) hanging over me. I don’t want my nieces in particular to struggle this hard for their entire lives.

I listen to a podcast called Plain English with Derek Thompson. In episode "S2 E68: The Weight-Loss Drug Revolution, Part 1: Why These Drugs Work So Well" (published 12/12/2023), I was floored as I heard for the first time in my life that I am not simply the fat girl who can’t stop eating. Biologically, I may be unable to keep the weight off without further intervention (the drug appears to target compulsive behaviors in general, including smoking, drinking, shopping, gambling). I feel understood for the first time in my life. Gastric bypass made my stomach shrink so that I could not eat as much, however it did not fix the issues inside my brain that told me to keep eating. I have been part of a weight loss surgery support group since 2003 – one year before my surgery. I have watched so many people come into the group, lose weight, start gaining, then disappear because they were too embarrassed to face the group. I always felt sad, and I was always honest with the group about my struggles. I always felt like the problems were never truly being addressed. I talked about addiction transfer, and losing food as your coping mechanism. I begged people to get therapy as they lost weight. I usually felt like I was the only one preaching this, and that the doctors approving this surgery should have been taking the mental aspect a little more seriously. I feel validated.

I just hit the 20th anniversary of my gastric bypass surgery on March 17.  I have always been told that many people gain all or more of their weight back, and the fact that I am still significantly less than what I used to weigh, I am considered a success. I don't even know if those are facts, or just "what people say." I don't even know how studies define a "successful" weight loss surgery patient. However, I do consider myself a success. I have watched a lot of people get sick and/or die from other technically unrelated health issues, but I always felt their inability to get the nutrients their body needs contributed to their body's inability to heal. I have spent 20 years dialing in my vitamins, and trying to take care of myself the best I can.  I just got my blood work back and I had all perfect numbers for maybe the first time since surgery.  Even my liver looks good again! On paper, I am the healthiest I have ever been.

However, I am getting a little frantic about this recent weight gain. It is easy to scream about health at every size, but my knees hurt, and I can acknowledge the extra weight is contributing to that. I am unwilling to go off the HRT. I have reaped so many other benefits, so I need to deal with the weight another way. This podcast about the GLP1s was well-timed, as I had already made an appointment with my doctor to discuss options about weight loss in the perimenopause world.  

These new GLP1s are targeting gut peptides. For years, I have been hearing that we need to heal our guts in order to heal ourselves. It seems this is true. And, though I have been conditioned to feel like a failure for asking for medical intervention, I feel like there is no choice. In my 20’s, I was gaining 15 pounds per year, and was already 350 pounds at the age of 26. I could foresee a future of hitting 500 pounds in ten years if I didn’t get medical intervention. Now I am 47, and back up to 280 pounds. I have been without much help from my previous “medical intervention” for many years. The body is resilient, and I have heard many stories about how calorie malabsorption after gastric bypass only lasts about a year because the little cilia in the intestine just grows further down, allowing the calories to be absorbed again. The pouch doesn’t just stretch out, but the metabolism slows as it gets used to the lower calorie intake, meaning you can gain weight off eating a somewhat “normal” amount of food. You can’t win against this.

The podcast talks about “food noise,” or more importantly, the absence of food noise once they are taking a GLP1, an example given of thinking about what you’re going to have for lunch while you’re eating breakfast. Food and weight have consumed my entire life. I feel like I don’t have the luxury of not thinking about food, and half the time, it’s talking myself out of eating things I know I shouldn’t eat. I also get frustrated by being asked: “What do you want to eat?” As a food addict, I should have tons of opinions on what to eat, or where to go. However, I hate that decision. I don’t want to be responsible for making food decisions. I want others to make the decision, and then I will find something to eat once we are there. It even happens when I am alone in my own house. I don’t want to make a decision about what to eat for breakfast (when I know it should be a protein shake), so I don’t do anything until I end up eating some Ritz crackers (or other overly processed food), which I know isn’t a great choice for me. When I attended years ago, Overeaters Anonymous had a saying about food addiction. It was something like, when you have a drug addiction, you can put the tiger in a cage and lock it up, but when you have a food addiction, you have to take the tiger out of the cage and walk it three times a day. For some reason I always hated this statement. This just makes food the enemy. At the same time, I get it and I just want the food noise to go away so that the decision paralysis also (hopefully) goes away.

I have always tried to be careful not to reward myself with food (I am not a dog). I think my favorite part of the podcast is where Dr. Tchang says that there is a mental change once on the GLP1s where the brain sees food as only sustenance and not a source of comfort. I need that. I used to say: “Food is for fuel, not pleasure.” Not that it got me anywhere. I have over ten years of blogs showing my obsession with finding the answer to fixing my broken body and mind. I put “food is” into the search bar of my Google doc and over 1,000 hits came up. Most of them found entries for “food issues.” This makes me so sad. This has shaped my entire life, including this blog. I think I believed my blog was helping others who had the same issues I did, and maybe it did a little. I felt like the writing was cathartic. When I recently went through my almost 1,000 published blogs, I de-published over 300 of them where I felt like I was just whining about being fat, and pushing the narrative that I was being lazy. I have been told by society for my entire life that fat people are lazy, and apparently I believe that narrative about myself. I spend so much time making sure I’m never sitting at home on the couch watching too much TV, when rest and relaxation is a normal part of life that “even fat people” should get to enjoy without guilt or shame. I had gastric bypass so that food and weight would not be my main focus in life, yet it seems like food and weight have remained in the starring role no matter what I do.

I went to Kaiser last week to discuss the GLP1 injections with my doctor. I was worried I was going to have a battle on my hands. She was actually sympathetic and willing to help, but her hands are tied by the insurance company (this is why HMOs should not be making our health decisions). I have to jump through hoops to get to the GLP1s. She handed me a to do list, which included a visit with a "health educator." That visit happened this week, and it was...enlightening, or maybe terrifying.

I was told by a Kaiser health educator that I should be doing one hour of cardio, seven days a week. Not a single mention of weight bearing exercises. I think 50 years of people running on treadmills has taught us that cardio is not the gold standard for weight loss. In fact, when I was my fattest (pre-weight loss surgery), I was going to the gym six to seven days a week. It certainly did not prevent the need for surgery. I was told that intermittent fasting is making people fat (sure, could be a problem for some, but not for others). I was told that half of my dinner plate should be vegetables (as a gastric bypass patient, we are taught that protein is first). I was also told not to eat too many nuts or avocados (she also lumped milk products in here, as if they are the same as nuts or avocados).  She claims she has noticed a lot of people gaining weight from avocados. I would be willing to go out on a limb and say not a single person seeking help from Kaiser got fat from eating avocados.  She also believes that a plant-based diet is best, although she understands how "Americans like their meat." I personally know two people who were vegetarian or vegan, and benefitted from adding some meat to their diet. No one says you have to run out and start eating rare steaks, but some bodies do benefit from animal protein. Never once did she ask me about my sugar intake. I feel like that should have been her first question.

I was a little shocked by the information given to me. I chose not to argue with her, and I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't know anything about nutrition and might believe everything that came out of her mouth. I swear she read a book about dieting from 1980 and just regurgitated it. One size fits all is just irresponsible, and I am saddened that a person who is supposed to be a health educator said any one of those things, let alone all of them in a single conversation.

I have a follow-up with my own doctor next month, and hope she will have something to help me move the scale in the "right" direction again. Before they consider the GLP1 injections, I have to try an oral medication. I don't need to be skinny, but I would like to feel less creaky. I am tired of feeling like I'm 80 years old every time I stand up. 

Years ago, when I had gained weight after my foot surgery, I went gluten-free (well, gluten-less), and started eating a bunch of chicken tacos. However, I didn't otherwise change my life a ton. I was still going out, drinking and eating in restaurants. I was mostly doing whatever activity I was already doing (yoga and pole dancing). But I was able to shed about 30 pounds. I tried the chicken taco diet in January. Not a single pound lost. I went from drinking alcohol every night while we made dinner to once a week or less. No weight loss. I am swimming, doing yoga, riding bikes. No weight loss. Calories in versus calories out logic tells me that one of those things should have at least given me the courtesy of a few lost pounds. But I got nothing. I even started cold plunging in January. Certainly, I could freeze this fat off. I was gonna ramp up that metabolism and lose 50 pounds in two months! Nothing. (However, I will say that there are other benefits that keep me cold plunging.  I will probably need to write a separate blog about that.)

After all this has been said, I already know that my happiness is not tied to the number on the scale. I am the happiest and most content now – at the second fattest weight I have ever been in my life. I am in a healthy relationship, I own a home, I have a good job, I live near several family members and get to see them almost daily. In fact, the only time in my life that I needed antidepressants was when I was at my lowest weight. So why is being thin still such an attractive ideal for me? I can't really answer that question, but I love that these new drugs are finally recognizing that weight issues are as complex as the people they reside in.

I don't really know about the future of this blog. I don't want to pretend that I have a huge audience out there still following me, waiting with bated breath for signs of life. However, I do miss the Nature Goddess hiking posts. Living farther away from my favorite places to hike (and having a dog who can't go to some of those favorite places with me), has slowed down my big (or far away) hiking adventures. For the time being, I will just leave it open ended. I hope to have some more posts along the way, but if I stop posting, it doesn't necessarily mean anything terrible has happened. Life is happening in the best possible way, and you can always check in on the Nature Goddess Facebook page for those updates.

Nature Goddess: Pirate's Cove at Muir Beach

Last weekend, Jade and I went on a hike at Muir Beach to see Pirate's Cove for her birthday (via Coastal Trail).  Although we have done this hike before (more than once), it is a lovely hike with ocean views that I will happily do again.  We did four miles out and back.  There are some steep parts (the beginning gets your heart rate up pretty quickly) and there are some "scrambles" if you decide to descend into Pirate's Cove.  I understood there was a long loop that includes Tennessee Valley Trail, but I am looking more closely at the map, and it looks like there are other trails that can shorten that loop.  I haven't yet gone up to finish the loop because I wanted to stick close to the ocean views.  I didn't think I was ready for a 6-8 mile hike.  I guess next time, I can try continuing up the stairs outside of the Pirate's Cove to see what those views have to offer.

This particular day, the fire department was doing an evacuation drill at 9 AM.  We could hear multiple sirens and an announcement -- and we initially thought there must be a fire.  We turned to look at the multi-million dollar homes on the hill across the other side of the beach.  There were about four "rows" of roads on the side of the hill, each with a fire truck on it with sirens blaring, announcing that it was a drill (you couldn't hear the words at first, so it was scary in the beginning; in fact, some people behind us turned around, and I don't know if it was because they thought it was a real evacuation, or if the uphill intimidated them).  It just added to the adventure for us.

The biggest drawback to this hike is that there is almost zero shade.  I don't know what I was thinking but I did not put any sunblock on.  I am burnt to a crisp today.  The morning had a little haze but the sun was blazing by the time we were done.  So make sure you have lots of water and plenty of sunblock.

The second biggest drawback is the parking (anywhere near Mt. Tam, parking is an issue).  If you are on Mt. Tam proper, then you can't start later than 8 AM in the summer; otherwise, there will likely not be parking near your chosen trailhead.  At Muir Beach, the crowds seem to show up a little later, but I would say not to chance coming after 9 AM.  The crowds are there setting up at the beach and I feel like the parking is gone before 10.  Then you're circling the parking lot like a shark, hoping someone will leave.  

Otherwise, this is a great place to hike.  You get gorgeous views during your hike, then you can soak your sore tootsies in the ocean before you head home.  Muir Beach does have bathrooms, but no sinks, so bring wipes or sanitizer.

The hike starts with a big uphill, then the trail splits.  We chose to continue straight ahead to Pirate's Cove instead of heading up any further.  Pirate's Cove has a little climb down to the beach.  I've been there when high tide has removed the beach and you can only get to one of the cliffs.  I've also been there when its completely out and you can walk out past one of the large rocks.  This time was somewhere in the middle.  You could climb down to the beach but you couldn't get around the rock from the ocean side.  We walked to the other side of the beach and there was this awful smell.  I could see large rib bones and vertebrae sticking out of the sand.  Then I realize there is essentially a "melted" whale right in front of us.  I've never been so close to a dead whale.  We took some photos then sat down on the other side of the beach, away from the smell.  

A few minutes later, a solo hiker walked up to us and asked if we'd seen the whale.  We said we had but got up to chat with her and take photos.  It turns out our new friend is visiting from Texas.  (We reconnected with her later in the day and I am planning to meet up with her next weekend to hike around the Golden Gate.)  So we went back over to see the whale.  She is a molecular biologist so she was super interested in the whale's decomposition.  We saw that one of the rib bones was up on a cliff.  She climbed up so I could take a picture, and at some point, it fell down.  Score!  We picked it up to take more photos.  Two things.  First, it was a lot heavier than I expected.  Second, it smelled so disgusting.  I feel like I couldn't get that smell off me the rest of the day.  I thought briefly about bringing it home, but I wasn't sure if it was illegal to take whale bones off a beach.  Also, it would have been a rough two miles uphill with a heavy rib bone across my shoulders.  And finally, the smell that would have filled my car for the hour and a half drive home may have killed me.  As we hiked out, a lot of people were heading down to the beach.  Apparently the whale is mentioned multiple times in comments on the AllTrails app, so many people were specifically there to see the rotting whale corpse.

The walk back was fairly uneventful.  I would say that we saw a lot more people coming in than I ever had before.  Not sure if that was due to the whale report, or the heat drawing more people to the coast.  We finished the hike by sticking our toes in the sand down at the beach and chatting with our new friend for awhile before starting the trek home.  

The heat in the East Bay is already getting into the 100's, so it seems like the summer hikes may have to be on the coast for the next few months.  It was 84 degrees even as I left my house at 7 AM on Saturday.  I can't really do many hikes here because most parks don't open until 8 AM and by then, it is already just too hot.  

While I don't feel compelled to write here about every hike I go on, I do like to report on some of the more popular hikes that might encourage people to get outside of their comfort zone.  If you have any hikes you'd like me to try, let me know in the comments!

Mobility Update: The Yoga Body Trapeze

It has been a year since I posted about losing mobility, and two years since the world shut down for covid.  I complained of weight gain and loss of energy.  I consciously started moving more (and sitting less) about a year ago, so I have successfully maintained the same weight for the last year.  I am ready to drop some of the weight, but that is always a tightrope walk for me.  I gave up those sugary Vitamin Waters again.  No weight loss.  Gave up drinking alcohol every night.  No weight loss.  It gets frustrating.  I know if I just start heavily restricting calories, it will cause a binge eventually.  So I have to cut a few calories and burn a few calories.  Slow and steady.  I guess due to my age, the weight has gone into a weird place too.  It is my mid-section, which would have been fine if I didn't have that tummy tuck scar holding certain areas so tightly.  The fat is squishing into weird places, making my organs feel crowded and giving me pretty epic back fat when I'm wearing a bra.  Good luck in child's pose during yoga.  I almost can't breathe.  

Last month, I passed the 18th anniversary of my weight loss surgery with no fanfare.  I guess I don't see it as something to necessarily celebrate anymore.  I think I had hoped that surgery would get me out of the "diet world," and that's just not the case.  I am still very focused on food and diet and body image issues.  I think I have finally accepted that I'm still essentially the same person, whether I'm 350 pounds, 180 pounds or somewhere in between.  

I am getting married later this year, and while I don't want to do a crazy diet and take a bunch of "skinny" pictures at my wedding, only to balloon up again the next day, I would like to take myself to a healthier weight so my joints and body don't hurt as much.  The "unintended consequence" would be feeling more comfortable in a wedding dress.  At the end of the day, I remind myself not to hate my body, so I should be okay at this weight or 40 pounds lighter.  

Another fun thing that's happened in the last couple of years are night sweats.  Yeah.  I guess I'm at that age where all the fun aging stuff for women starts to happen.  By chance, however, while trying to rehab some thinning hair, I found a DHT blocker vitamin.  The night sweats went away immediately.  If I forget to take the vitamin, I sweat that night.  So, that's the one vitamin I won't miss for any reason.  I also have increased my protein and iron intake.  That seemed to help take care of the hair issue and the whole feeling exhausted thing.  This is life though, right?  As soon as you think you have everything figured out, something changes.  

For the last year, I have been seeing Facebook ads for the Yoga Body swing, so I finally ordered one.  I thought it would be nice to get upside down ("inversions are the fountain of youth" ~ Bel Jeremiah, former owner of Twirly Girls Pole Fitness).  It is not quite aerial hammock width (it is not wide enough for me to cocoon completely in it like I can a hammock), but it holds enough of me to be comfortable.  I just started using it this week.  Mostly I do a little strength training (holding the handles and trying to bring my knees to my chest), and a little stretching (tipping backwards so I can hang upside down, which leaves me prone to dog licks straight to the face).  I am finding that it is taking some time to get used to being upside down again.  My head felt like a grape that was about to explode the first time.  Now I'm able to hang upside down for a minute or so.  I just tip myself upright to rest for a few seconds, then I can go right back to it.  

Anyway, I hadn't done an update in a few months, so I thought I would post about my yoga trapeze.  Yes, I get it, everyone thinks its a sex swing.  I've heard all the jokes already.  But you can make anything sexual if you really want to.  This is set up out in my bonus room (yoga space/office), for my backyard neighbor to see if they really want to.  I'm thinking about getting rigging to hang it in the tree in the front yard.  That should get more neighbors talking!  Maybe I should be more concerned about it being in the background of my Zoom meetings, but I'll wait to see if anyone is brave enough to ask me about it.

I've been trying to find some good yoga trapeze classes on YouTube, but haven't found anything I love.  If you have any suggestions, please send me the links.  Thanks! 

52 Hike Challenge: The Update

Natural Bridges - Santa Cruz

In October, I had written about taking on the 52 Hike Challenge in 2021.  In 2020, I had signed up to do a hiking challenge through the East Bay Regional Parks website, but that kind of went to shit after covid hit.  When I wrote about the challenge in October, I had about 8 weeks left in the year, and 17 hikes to get in.  Facing bad weather in the last month or so, I really had to lighten up on my rules for the hikes, but I am proud to announce that I DID hit my 52 hikes.  I had to do a couple of "urban hikes" through town since the recent rain caught me off guard, but I feel like I stuck with the spirit of the challenge.  I got outdoors and got moving after a very slow-moving 2020.  

In total, I hiked 166 miles in 2021 (which is separate from the increase in general "steps" I am trying to get after getting my Apple Watch in August).  According to my AllTrails app, for the 40 events I recorded through the app, I spent 60 hours in the outdoors and climbed a collective 17,067 feet.  I wish I'd used the app for all of my hikes and walks!  

Some of my favorite hikes in the last two months include visiting Natural Bridges to see the monarchs and the Old Landing Cove trail in Santa Cruz.  I have spent a lot of time at Black Diamond Mines and Contra Loma in Antioch, but there are so many trails, that I didn't repeat any specific hike all year.  In fact, with the exception of maybe two trails/locations, almost all of these hikes were unique trails.  I also decided a couple of weeks ago that there must be a way to hike from Contra Loma to Black Diamond Mikes -- and there is!  That hike was under 5 miles roundtrip.  That hike was kind of special because the parking lot I planned to use was full so I had to park deeper in the park.  At the end of that hike, I found someone's keys in the grass.  I knew as soon as I saw those keys that it was the reason I was forced to park elsewhere.  I turned them into the park ranger and she said the man had lost the keys the day before but had just returned to the park to start looking for them again.  He called me and thanked me profusely.  He said he had hiked ten miles the day before looking for those keys, and that his wife assured him he was a good person and someone would find those keys and return them to him.  It felt really nice to make someone's day.  

Contra Loma to Black Diamond Mines

I tried a trail in Santa Rosa with Jade -- Annadel State Park.  While I loved the trails and the park was beautiful, the cyclists were very aggressive and rude -- unlike anywhere else I have hiked (not calling out, running up on us going way too fast and making us feel like we were in their way).  I don't know that I would return there for that reason.  Side  note: cyclists are supposed to yield to hikers, and it really isn't difficult to yell out, "on your left" so I can step off the trail.

I also went to Sycamore Grove in Livermore, which is really only about half an hour from my house.  There were so many trails and once you got up into the hills, you could walk for so long before you saw anyone else.  It was also crazy to see where fires had burned some of the tress.  You would see a blacked out tree trunk with beautiful green grass in the background.  

There is a regional trail within walking distance of my house.  My final hike of the year was supposed to be Lands End to the Golden Gate, but the rain and freezing weather caused us to reschedule for another time.  I ended up walking that regional trail to check out the swollen creek.  It wasn't the spectacular end I had planned for my 52 hikes, but it was the safer and warmer choice.  

Annadel State Park

Although I am happy I completed this challenge, it almost became a second job in the last two months.  I was so obsessed with getting those hikes in -- I was trying to run out after work before the time change caused it to get dark so early.  I was hiking unprepared in cold weather.  I was cramming hikes in before family events.  It started to become less enjoyable, and the whole reason I want to be outside hiking is to enjoy nature.  I don't think I will participate in this challenge again in 2022, but I do think I will continue to plan fun hikes at least once a month, and put more emphasis on getting outdoors in general, no matter what I'm doing.  

I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year and a very active and nature-filled year in 2022!

52 Hike Challenge

In January, I saw people on social media talking about a 52 hike challenge for 2021.  I figured I could handle one hike per week, so I jumped on the band wagon.  I started the year strong, getting hike 1 on January 1 and hike 2 on January 2.  

Despite some injuries throughout the year, I have successfully had at least one hike every month.  I have done 35 hikes total.  However, with only about 8 weeks left in the year, I need to fit 17 hikes in to hit my 52.  

I have done a lot of local hikes -- the Black Diamond side of Contra Loma is a favorite dog-friendly, off-leash hike.  I have been to Devil's Slide on the coast, and Little Yosemite in Sunol.  I hiked up north at McCloud Falls.  I have been down south (well, Bay Area south) to Uvas Canyon.  I hiked around the Salt River in Arizona.  I did Diamond Head in Hawaii.  I have walked over and around the Golden Gate Bridge.  I have done the Burney Falls loop.  I tried the Cleo's Bath hike in Pinecrest.  I did Alamere Falls, as well as Lands End in San Francisco.  I really have seen some of the most beautiful outdoor locations in our area this year.

So what's a "hike" to me?  It is outdoors (obviously), with some hills, and at least 2 miles (although I had a couple of hikes fall slightly short).  I have hiked a total of 125 miles this year.  My shortest hike was 1.5 miles (Burney Falls loop).  My longest hike was 8.5 miles (Alamere Falls).  Choosing a location can be difficult.  We had A LOT of 100+ degree days over the summer, which made local hikes dangerous.  However, driving two hours to the coast every single weekend to get my hikes started to become overwhelming.  Plus, the coast is usually foggy in the summer.  The gorgeous views are usually best in Fall.  A lot of coastal hikes (especially on my favorite Mt. Tam) are not dog-friendly.  And I now have a dog who knows when she is being left behind, so I have a little guilt when I leave for a hike without her.

I have gone through my calendar and set a fairly aggressive hiking schedule to get myself all the hikes I need to hit my goal.  Weather-permitting, I should be able to get them in before the end of the year.  It will require a double-up of hikes pretty much every week, but I know I can do that.  On Saturday, in fact, I will be heading to Walnut Creek to find a hidden labyrinth.  I have to get in a hike tomorrow after work, and probably one on Sunday as well.  

If you have any favorite hikes, let me know!  Even if I can't fit it in this year, I am already setting my hiking schedule for next year!

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Nature Goddess: Lands End Hike

Last weekend, Jade and I braved San Francisco during Fleet Week to do the Lands End hike.  This hike is one of my favorites.  Although there are some stairs, this is a fairly flat and easy hike.  If you go at the right time (i.e., not summer when the fog is the worst in the mornings), you have gorgeous views of the ocean and Golden Gate Bridge for the majority of the time you're on the trail.  And you can hike a mile, or you can wander into the multi-million dollar neighborhoods and continue your exploration.  My ultimate goal is to hike from the Lands End/Sutro Baths point to the Golden Gate Bridge.  My understanding is that you have to walk through neighborhoods, down to the beach, then back up onto the trail, to make it happen, so it will be a little more challenging.  I believe it is about 4.5 miles one way.  

I park at the lot near the Lookout Visitor's Center.  It is right past Ocean Beach (if you're coming from the south), and the former Cliff House restaurant (which closed last year due to lease issues), at the lot that overlooks the Sutro Baths.  I prefer this lot because there have been an increased report of break-ins in the area, and I feel like it's a busy lot with enough people around to (hopefully) deter the criminals.  The lot fills up pretty early, so I would suggest you start your hike by 8 AM (or go in the afternoon when it might be less crowded).  10 AM seems to be the busiest time.

Once you're on the trail, there are so many options.  As discussed above, you can get right on the trail and head out for as far as you'd like.  You can take the stairs down to the Sutro Baths to explore the remains of the buildings.  You can just go chill by the Cliff House and hope for a view of dolphins or whales.  Jade and I got lucky the first time we hiked here and got to see dolphins from the window of the restaurant (we had breakfast before the hike because rain and 50 degree weather was not the biz...).  It's a beautiful place with a mix of ocean and trees against the Golden Gate backdrop.  

This trip, we got right on the trail at 8 AM.  It was Fleet Week and I had looked up the schedule for the Blue Angels, only to find that activities were running 10 AM to 4 PM.  My goal was to see the Blue Angels from the trail.  Technically, the show is on the other side of the Golden Gate in the Marina District, but they fly over the Golden Gate, so I knew we would get to see it as well.  We wandered down the trail, and even into the neighborhood to oooh and ahhh at some of the gorgeous ocean-facing homes.  Eventually, we turned around because my hope was to see the jets flying through the Golden Gate.  As we walked back, we took a side trip to a cliff that overlooks the ocean.  It would have been the perfect place to see the Blue Angels.  Except...their show didn't start until later in the afternoon.  The generic schedule I got didn't tell me exactly when they were flying.  In fact, no one was flying until almost noon.  Since it was only about 10:30 AM, we decided we wouldn't wait another hour or more to see planes.  However, while we were excitedly waiting for the show to start, we got to see whales in the ocean.  At first I thought it was a pack of sea lions, but they had blow holes and they moved more like whales.  It was pretty cool.  I always hope to see something like that on my ocean-front hikes, but it is pretty rare it actually happens.  It definitely made the trip that much more special.

There are a couple of cut-outs with benches along the trail, which are nice for breaks, a snack, or just to take in the views.  The trail is dog-friendly (which has been difficult for me to find lately).  Although, my dog really does better off-leash, so dragging her away from every other dog or awesome smell she needed to check out wasn't all that fun.  Many dogs we ran into were off-leash.  I couldn't trust my dog there since she will chase a squirrel over a cliff without a second thought.  Our hike ended up being about 4.5 miles.  

If you're looking for a San Francisco hike, this is my number one pick.  I had scheduled the Lands End to Golden Gate hike last Thanksgiving then ended up hurting my knee, so I canceled.  Now that my six month long run of injuries are healed, I think maybe it is time to reschedule so I can make it in for this year's 52 hike challenge.  

Nature Goddess: Alamere Falls Hike

I did the Alamere Falls hike, on the Point Reyes National Seashore, in July 2019.  Roundtrip, the hike is 8-1/2 to 12 miles, depending on your route.  There are a couple of scrambles that require a little faux rock climbing, a ton of poison oak, but lots of gorgeous views.  It is about a two hour drive for me, ending in a long rocky dirt road, with little to no cell service (so download your All Trails maps, and maybe print out some paper maps).  You really have to get there by 8 AM if you want parking, so that means leaving the house by 6 AM.

When Jade and I started talking about doing the hike again, I was slightly worried because I am carrying around some of that covid weight, but I was participating in the 52 Hikes Challenge this year, and at that time, was on par to complete a hike every single weekend.  I felt strong.  I had rehabbed some knee issues.  I was ready.  Then I wasn't.  I don't even know what happened, but I went almost two months without much hiking, and the weekend loomed.  We pushed it out once, but decided Labor Day weekend was time to make it happen.  It was my 32nd hike for the year, and we clocked about 8-1/2 miles using my new Apple Watch (I accidentally turned it off early in the hike, so that's why I don't have the exact mileage).  I am currently off-track for hitting my 52 hikes for the year, but who knows...maybe I'll put some doubles in over a few weekends and get back to it.  I have been extremely tired lately, and it is hard to get up and go hike in 100 degree heat.  Many coastal hikes I would love to do are not dog friendly, and it is difficult to look Belle in the face and leave her behind when she knows I'm going on a hike (she watches me pack the car and judges me harshly when she thinks she's being left at home).

I remember the last hike being extremely hot (for the coast), the trail was packed (we started later in the morning), and parking was full so we had to park down the dirt road and walk in.  Ness, Ant, Jade and I logged over 10 miles on that trip.  This trip, Jade, Steph, and I got there early, and the walk actually seemed faster and easier.  We were almost surprised when we turned the corner and saw the rock arrow for the shortcut out to the coast.  

The shortcut requires you to walk through some pretty closed in areas with a lot of poison oak (leaves of three, let it be!).  I really don't suggest you do it unless you are fully covered -- long pants and sweatshirts.  I have never had poison oak and, knock on wood, hope to keep it that way.  I understand it gets worse each time you are exposed to it.  We saw some people trying to do it in shorts, and I really hope they didn't end up with some itchies and scratchies.  Note that the shortcut is NOT the official trail, so if you are a stickler for rules, you'll want to spend the extra couple of miles walking past the shortcut to the campground, down to the beach, and back up to Alamere Falls.  If you did this roundtrip, you'd add about four miles to your hike.  You really have to keep an eye on the tides, though.  High tide often traps people on the beach, and no one wants to be the beach rescue that didn't know how to watch the tides.  

Once you're through the poison oak lined tree tunnel, the two scrambles down to the mid-way point to the beach (which has several beautiful falls to view, and plenty of space to sit and eat lunch) weren't terrible.  I find as I get older (or maybe my fall at McCloud Falls in May scared me), I'm a little more nervous when I hike steep spots, and I carry at least one hiking stick on every hike now.  When we arrived there were maybe only three other groups on the flat.  It was essentially empty (last time, there were easily 100 people hanging around).  By the time we left, everyone else had shown up, so I definitely encourage people to go early if you want some peace and quiet.  

The falls were also interesting because they had watercress floating on top of the water.  Anywhere we had seen water last time, had greenery on it this time.  It was beautiful but I understand watercress is actually an invasive species, so I wonder what is making it grow now.  

We sat and ate our lunch, then Steph and Jade decided to brave the steep scramble down to see the official Alamere Falls from the beach.  I peeked over and decided I didn't want to chance not being able to get back up.  Although the tide was going out so it was safe, I knew that it would add two miles to my hike if I wasn't able to climb back up, and had to walk down to the campground to get back to the main trail.  In fact, while I was up top exploring while Jade and Steph were on the beach, I watched a group trying to help a woman of about my size down the rocks.  It was a slow process, and she was clearly terrified, so I knew I had made the right decision.  Maybe I'll shed a few pounds, gain a little more strength, and try next time we do this hike.  

After Jade and Steph were done exploring the beach and falls, they climbed back up to the mid-section where I was, and we returned to the trail.  I was surprised when I had to use more upper body strength than I remember to get up the middle scramble.  If all these words (scrambles, etc.) are confusing, its like minor rock climbing.  You definitely need to be able to pull yourself up a little, but you have enough room to wedge your body, or leverage yourself, so it's not as bad or scary as it sounds.  I was feeling it the next day.  My upper body was sore.  I should do some push-ups and pull-ups or something before we go again.  

The walk back was fairly uneventful.  We had talked briefly about stopping at one of the lakes we passed on the way in, but it was colder this time, and there looked to be a lot of poison oak around the path, so we just continued back to the parking lot.  We could hear a lot of people yelling and swimming.  I know the algae blooms are dangerous right now, and those lakes are pretty green, so that would have made me nervous too.  The walk back definitely seemed longer than the walk in.  I was tired and sore, plus the walk always seems uphill both ways.  The trail was filled with more people as it was later in the day.  The entire hike, including our exploration time, was about five hours. 

Alamere is one of those touristy type hikes.  Again, if you're looking for peace and quiet, either go early, or at least not on a weekend.  I would advise against hiking alone.  Although this trail doesn't have a lot of turn offs were you can get lost, I've been listening to a lot of podcasts about hikers going missing in National or state parks (Park Predators and Missing 411).  I've always felt safe hiking alone, but maybe I've just been lucky so far.

I turned 45 the week before this hike.  I have been struggling with some weight gain and covid depression lately.  I deemed this year my year to get healthy (yet again).  So my hashtag is #45more.  I don't care about the pounds as much as how I feel.  And I know that some of the exhaustion is just being overwhelmed by the state of the world.  But I keep plugging along and I know things will be just fine.  Everything always ends up working out.  

If you've ever hiked Alamere Falls, I'd love to hear about your experience!  You can leave a comment below.