Monday, June 28, 2010

Lacking motivation...need help!

So I am four weeks into P90X.  Oh wait.  Except I was sick for two weeks, and since P90X works on the theory of muscle confusion, I can't just pick up where I left off.  So, this week we are going to actually repeat Week 2 instead of starting Week 5 (or even Week 3 since that was the week in which we got sick).  This is so we don't hit a recovery week too quickly. 


I am SO frustrated.  I need motivation.  I got on the scale this morning.  NOT GOOD.  This is the heaviest I've been post-GB.  I weigh 233 pounds!!  And I am starting a new medication soon...which generally guarantees me a 15 pounds weight gain within a couple of weeks.  I can't afford that. 

I am in a catch-22.  I am exhausted.  All day.  Everyday.  I get in bed.  Wide awake.  It makes it difficult to get up at 5 a.m. to work out during the week.  And if I work out at night, my sleep pattern will be even more messed up (not to mention, its so much easier to wiggle out of working out when you get home from work and you're tired).  When I'm not working out, I have a hard time sleeping.  So I don't work out, can't sleep, can't get up in the morning, and don't work out.  How do you break this pattern?! 

Don't get me wrong, I haven't gone completely inactive.  In fact, last week alone, I got in two trampoline sessions at Sky High Sports in Concord, plus a 5k.  On Wednesday, I did some strength training with a couple of my Twirly Girls (and I'm STILL sore from that, five days later!!).  Saturday, I did the 5k and tramps on the same day!  But I'm still fat.  And getting fatter by the minute. 

Of course, I still have my Twirly Girls.  But I don't have my pole set up at home yet and the summer has been busy so I've only been able to make it to class three times this month.  And, at the end of the day, the strength stuff is great, but I need more cardio to lose weight (refer back to Rule No. 1!!).  I feel out of touch with my pole skills right now too.  I am still not climbing or holding for long.  Definitely can't invert.  I WANT TO DO ALL OF THE COOL TRICKS!!!  But I am also not practicing like I should. 

I don't eat terribly but I have a sweet tooth lately.  If I could eat cookies for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I think I would!  I'm glad they make me sick because at least I have to stop sometime.  I don't pretend I'm the most disciplined gastric bypass patient, but I sure have tried to be good more often than not, so why am I starting to fail now?  Over six years later?  Maybe because I'm happy?  When I'm depressed, I don't eat.  Lately, I feel good.  Rob and I are happy.  Work is busy (which I like).  I have great friends.  What is there to hate?  Perhaps I need to find someone/thing to dislike.  Then I can go back to being sad and starving myself. 

I'm kidding, of course.  But I am looking for motivation.  What motivates you?  All the regular stuff clearly isn't working.  I'd love to look great in a bathing suit or be healthy and actually run an entire 5k.  But cookies are yummy.  :-)

Thursday, June 10, 2010


A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.  Right?  What if scientists came in with all of their tools and poked and prodded said rose?  What if they dug a little deeper and changed the rose's cellular make-up?  The rose basically looks the same but it smells sweeter and lives longer.  It's a better rose, right?  But what if you didn't know that the rose now gives off a completely odorless gas that will kill you?  But not for 50 years.  Do you still love your rose?

This is how I feel about fake sugars.  Yeah all of that fake stuff basically looks like the real stuff, and it seems nicer because there are no calories, but you can tell it's just not right.  People report headaches or stomach aches.  We have more sugar-free crap than ever, yet obesity is still an epidemic.  Some even may cause cancer?!  After gastric bypass, we were told not to eat sugar.  Anything with "sugar" in the first three ingredients was a big no-no.  Do you know how many words out there mean "sugar?!"  Check out this blog.

I was careful right after surgery, making sure I chose the "sugar free" or "no sugar added" options.  However, I quickly learned that fake sugar (sugar alcohols) made me more sick than real sugar!  So, I have learned that I would rather eat small amounts of real sugar than any amount of fake sugar.  Here is a blog about sugar (they suggest you avoid it completely).  And another blog about real sugar vs. sweeteners.  I've read a lot of articles about how drinking diet soda actually makes you fatter because the fake sugar makes you crave MORE sugar and you eventually go for it.  There's a lot of information out there.  But I know for me, avoiding fake sugar is more important than avoiding real sugar. 

I did a 5k a few months back.  A lady there was telling people their body fat percentage.  She did mine and told me I need to lose about 40 pounds (good, because that's about how much I want to lose...I expected her to say more like 50).  She said that she believes that women especially need to AVOID white flour and sugar.  Don't limit it.  HAVE NONE OF IT.  Wow.  And no fake sugars for me, so nothing sweet ever again?  (Well, I guess I would have to go for some of those natural sweeteners mentioned in one of those blogs above.)  My usual attitude is "everything in moderation."  So completely cutting out all white flour and sugar would go against everything I believe.  I do have a couple of friends who believe this is the way to go.  They say once you get past the first few days, it's not bad. 

I'm still on the fence.  I can understand that other people have benefited greatly from taking sugar or flour or gluten or other things out of their diet.  I'm just not sure I have the willpower to do it!  Didn't I have this surgery so I wouldn't have to worry about this kind of thing anymore?

Does anyone have experience with removing these things from your diet?  I'd love to hear about your experience!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A picture is worth a thousand words

I love photography.  Landscapes.  People.  Weird things.  Cool things.  Beautiful things.  Sunsets are the best!  The ocean.  Horses. 

Ansel Adams is one of my favorite photographers.  I have five or six of his photos in my house.  I love the black and white landscapes.  So simple yet so striking.  My all-time favorite is a photograph of a graveyard.  I understand it was a time release photograph, so the moon is high in the sky, yet the grave stones are still lit up as if they were in sunlight.  I love it! 

My friend, Andrew (Liquidpulp Photography), takes amazing photographs as well.  He also takes beautiful landscapes.  And when he photographs people, he is often looking for a look that is interesting, more than something beautiful by society's standards. 

I've always loved photography.  I have a camera in my purse at all times.  I am constantly snapping photos of the sky with my iPhone as I'm driving down the road.  This is how my love affair with Creepy Tree started.  One day I took a picture, posted it on Facebook, and now Creepy Tree has his own fan club!

I dream of one day buying an expensive digital SLR and traveling the world to photograph cool and interesting places.  In fact, if I am one day blessed by the lotto gods and win my $350 million (wait, $317 million), that is exactly what I will do!  Until then, my fantasies and little camera will have to do.  :-)

 Sunset while driving home from Alameda (Oakland), California

Full moon from Concord, California a couple of years ago

The flag in Las Vegas, Nevada (outside of Mandalay Bay) in July 2009

Sunset and Creepy Tree's cousins in Walnut Creek, California

Creepy Tree in Clayton, California with no leaves in late 2009/early 2010

Creepy Tree with the sun peeking through in early 2010 (and growing leaves now!)

A photograph Andrew took of me in March 2010

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Let the insanity begin...P90X

After three weeks of talking about it, Rob and I finally got our front room cleaned up a little and started P90X yesterday.   I know a few people who are following this program and they talk about how hard it is.  Luckily, I am the queen of modification, so I am only following it to the best of my ability (for right now).  Yes, this probably means I am not pushing myself as hard as I SHOULD but, with Rob there watching, I am pushing myself harder than I normally would while working out alone. If you're a member at Beach Body, add me!  Here's my profile

I took my Day 1 photos in a bikini.  YUCK.  I offended myself.  I am so unhappy with how I look.  My lower back is all swollen out and my thighs are fat and dimply.  Once I see some results, I will post the photos.  But not yet.   

So, the first day on the program is chest and back (with the ab ripper at the end).  I actually didn't have heavy enough weights.  The heaviest weight I have is 12 pounds.  So, it was kind of easy.  I need to go pick up 15's and 20's.  Also, we haven't found the brackets to set up the pull up bar.  So, we tried to use bands to simulate a pull up.  It wasn't enough.  They want you to hook it to something in the ceiling, so you're pulling down.  We didn't have anything to attach it to, so we were more doing chest presses than pull downs.   I was kind of aggravated about it yesterday, because I felt like we didn't properly prepare.  However, when you go from doing very little to working out six days a week, any activity will be a benefit.  So, I'm over it today.

This morning, we did the plyometrics DVD.  It was 5:00 a.m. and, even though we are on the bottom floor, I was scared that two of us jumping around might be bothering our upstairs neighbors.  So, I modified some of the exercises.  My heart rate averaged 160.  I burned around 520 calories.  Normally, a good workout for me is 600 calories burned.  A great workout is 800.  So, once I get into it and feel more comfortable, I will bump up the intensity.  I've realized that even if you can't do high impact, you can often do things to make the workout more intense. 

P90X is definitely an intense program, and not for the faint of heart.  Beach Body offers many programs to help people get in shape.  My plan isn't to get completely ripped.  I am currently not planning to follow the food plan.  I just want to lose my 25-45 pounds and feel better about myself.  I workout to eat yummy food.  As I've said before, I try not to overindulge too often but I definitely don't want to feel like I'm on a diet.  I am closely tracking my progress through weight, body fat, measurements and photos. 

P90X is a 90 day program.  Interestingly enough, it ends on my birthday.  So, I hope to still hit my weight loss goal (set earlier this year) right on time!

If anyone else is doing P90X (or another Beach Body program), I'd love to hear about your experience!