Thursday, July 21, 2016

Bringing Sexy Back 2016

Every July, United Pole Artists hosts Bringing Sexy Back Week (well, two sexy weeks).  Last year, I did not participate.  This year, I decided it was time to join the party again. 
I am always hesitant to join large scale pole events like this because I am not the strongest poler, nor am I a super sexy mover.  What will make my video stand out amongst the thousands of videos that will share the same hashtag?  I have a fairly analytical mind, and being artsy is a process that I don't really like to share.  I feel extremely vulnerable putting my movement out there for others to judge.  I feel like I can often copy certain moves, and even make them look fairly good (hello, Closer routine!), but I don't always feel right on the inside when I do them -- mostly because I feel silly.  I haven't felt comfortable free dancing since before my foot surgery in 2013.  So, deciding to do this dance in particular was a hard decision.  That being said, I'm actually pretty happy with the result.  It was raw and emotional.  No, I'm not sexy like a lot of the other girls, but I felt sexy in this moment.  It was a very real experience and I am happy it was captured on film. 
So, enjoy my contribution to UPA's Bringing Sexy Back 2016. 

Thank you to Stephanie Otto for these awesome photos

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

You Know Nothing Jon Snow!

I don't even know how I get up everyday with all this fat on me
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a rather angry rant about my doctor fat shaming me and trying to push diet pills on me over a liver issue.

There are so many problems I have with this.  First off, pushing diet pills on your patient who has eating disorder issues is highly irresponsible.  I've spent a lot of time trying to "fix" myself.  One day I finally realized I wasn't broken -- I just had some things I'd like to change.  And then everything started to fall into place.  However, having diet pills waved in my face was a little scary.  Yes, asshole doctor, even though I am happy with how I look, I would still like to magically wake up tomorrow 20 pounds lighter.  It makes you realize that you probably never fully recover from things like this.  And you're probably only one bad day away from a binge (or a bottle of diet pills).  Ellen gave me huge kudos for staying strong and saying no to the medication. 

Second, throwing around random statements like "you're going to die" without any diagnosis to back it up borders on medical malpractice.  My doctor was merely going off of one elevated liver enzyme.  He used that to state that I had non-alcoholic fatty liver and blamed my weight on the problem.  I had so much evidence proving that my weight was actually unrelated to the enzyme being high or low.  He didn't care.  My ultrasound, by the way, showed that I do not actually have a fatty liver.  And all of my other labs are amazing.  All while being a big, fat ass. 

I went to a liver specialist last week.  Guess what he told me?  I'm perfectly healthy.  My doctor doesn't have a clue what he's talking about.  He has been ordering the wrong tests to begin with and is reading the results incorrectly to boot.  The new doctor said that my number isn't high enough to be concerning and that it isn't actually even an indicator of fatty liver.  He showed me the two numbers he uses to show there is a problem in the liver, and those numbers were perfectly normal.  He said that elevated enzyme certainly could indicate a problem if it was extremely high or if it bounced up for no reason.  But since it appears to have essentially been in the same range for years, it could be normal for my body.  He also said he didn't believe my weight was an issue. 

He likened my issue to companies that manufacture products.  He said you can have a big, beautiful building that puts out a shitty product.  Or you can have a normal building that no one thinks is awesome, but it puts out the best product.  Who cares if my liver is a little ugly as long as the product it puts out is top notch? 

I guess I can go back to enjoying my margaritas.  (In moderation, of course, Ellen!)

The specialist is going to write a letter to my doctor soon.  I cannot wait for him to get it.  It may take everything I have not to scream, IN YO FACE.  Oh, except, I don't plan to see him ever again.  I am in the market for a new doctor. 

So, I am going to continue being my chubby, fabulous self.  I certainly understand that sugar is still not good for me and I will continue to keep my diet as clean as possible.  But I guess now I can sleep better at night knowing I'm not going to die tomorrow from a disease I don't have. 

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Confessions on YouQueen!

I was recently invited to be part of a pole dancing blogger list on  I am honored to be included in this list of fabulous pole dancers!

Haven't heard of YouQueen?

There are thousands of websites out there designed for women. Frankly, most of them are boring, mainstream and full of advertisements.

YouQueen is not one of them.

We are dedicated to creating fresh, straightforward and unique advice for women that doesn’t just inform, but also teaches and excites you. We strive to help you grow in all aspects of life, from love and health to finding your life’s purpose, advancing your career and designing a better lifestyle.

I love their tagline:  Because even a Queen needs help sometimes.

When YouQueen asked me a few questions about myself and pole dancing, you knew I wasn't going to pass up the chance to use Amazeballs to describe myself, right?

You in 7 descriptive words?

Thoughtful, adventurous, ambitious, passionate, silly, joyful and (excuse me if this sounds crass) AMAZEBALLS!

Read the rest of the article here:

Thanks, YouQueen for including me in your list!