One Last Ride

Buy nine, get one free...  There should be a punch card for surgery.  Strangely, that kind of happened.

Last week, I went in for my tenth, and hopefully final (for now) surgery.  Last year, I posted about my ninth overall surgery, a (surprise) replacement of a leaking breast implant.  I had to go back in for another surgery because they were so uneven.  Any time I did downward dog in yoga, one nipple was constantly coming out of my sports bra.  Just one.  I have an all or nothing requirement for nipples hanging out of my bra.  So, this surgery was a scar revision to even them out.  Everything appears to have gone well.  My pain is well-managed.  I'm resting fine.  I am hopeful that this will be the final resolution for my poor abused boobies.  The next surgery I have on them will be when I have my implants removed when I'm 70. 

What does this mean for my (already non-existent) "pole career?"  I'm essentially done with pole.  Other than teaching a few classes for friends here and there, I haven't poled regularly in a long time.  It is very uneven and painful for my body.  I have had a good ten year run, and appreciate the opportunities pole has provided for me, but it is time to retire my hooker heels.  I never could walk in them anyway. 

I am also in the middle of some other life changes.  I had started school a couple of months ago (which I don't enjoy), and am going to be buying a house in a few months.  I just have new priorities.  I would like to focus on Nature Goddess Adventures, which I believe still embodies the Confessions of a Twirly Girl message of loving yourself and finding joy in life.  So, this blog will continue because I believe the Twirling Viking Warrior will live on, just in a different form.  Although, I do need to decide how helpful it is to write these blogs publicly.  Facebook very clearly hides the links in order to force me to pay to boost them, and I have noticed that my clicks have gone down significantly in the last couple of years.  I guess as long as I'm getting something out of it, I should continue.

So, thank you to all of you who have come along on this bumpy ride with me over the last ten years.  I hope that you will continue along with me as I transition more to hiking and yoga with Nature Goddess.  I appreciate all of you!

Physical Limitations - Scars

One thing I have SWORN up and down since having my tummy tuck (and multiple other skin removal surgeries) is that it is so much harder to do certain exercises, like squats or pulling my knees to my chest.  I can't describe it.  It's just a feeling.  Like I can't do it no matter how hard I try.  I've always just figured I've gained weight so my muscles are weaker. 

But then I was talking to someone recently about how I felt.  And I described my scars and he said there is a very real possibility that between the way you are cut for a tummy tuck, the way the muscles are realigned and the way scar tissue forms, I may actually have an uphill battle while performing certain exercises!  Score!  I'm not crazy!

I did a little research about scar tissue and muscle repair.  I won't regurgitate it here but I did learn that I should NOT have hard spots and I definitely have those at the bottom of the upside down T of my tummy tuck.  I liked to attribute them to my rock hard abs, but apparently that is not actually the case.  I may ask my doctor if this is something he can work on after he's done torturing my hip with myofascial release. 

Anyway, that was just some interesting news to me.  Have you ever felt limited by scar tissue?

Understanding your own limitations

When I saw Lulu's article earlier this week, I immediately sent the photos and videos to Bel and said, "if Lulu is doing these moves, there's no reason I shouldn't be strong enough to do them too!"  It might sound like I'm putting Lulu down, but I'm not.  I already know that being overweight doesn't mean you can't be strong.  But I am always so focused on what I *might* or *should* be able to do in the future when I *hope* to lose a few pounds.  I weigh the same as Lulu, so maybe there is hope that I can stop waiting for the future to get here and just get my ass on the pole and do them now. 

Bel mentioned that Lulu has an extensive background in cheerleading and gymnastics.  Of course that is obvious as you watch her bust out the splits like they are nothing.  I am nowhere near doing the splits.  I don't have the flexibility.  That has nothing to with weight.  That just means I'm not bendy.

Bel also mentioned how she (Bel) used to be able to do pull-ups.  Then she had shoulder surgery and could no longer do them.  She's still strong, but something is "mis-firing" or not connecting.  She brought up all of my surgeries and the scars that zig zag all over my body.  My surgeon had to cut through all kinds of muscles and tissue and nerves.  Perhaps some things will just never connect properly again.  I don't want to use this as an excuse not to keep trying.  But I also want to be realistic and not expect things of myself that I may never be able to do.  I was not a super active kid.  I didn't really take dance classes or gymnastics, so my body doesn't have old muscle memory of back bends and splits to go back to. 

You can read about my plastic surgery adventures HERE.

Let me try to describe my scars to you.  One starts at the inside of my left elbow.  It runs up my inner arm, to my arm pit (with a z carved in to avoid tying my arms down to my sides), then down the side of my body (through the "bra overhang area") to a half-circle under the fold of my left breast.  I have a matching long scar on the right side.  Since I had a breast lift, there is a line from the scar that goes under my breast up the middle to my nipple.  My nipples were removed and sewed back on, giving my breasts the classic lift "smiley face." 

Due to the lower body lift, I have a scar that encircles my entire body -- around my hips.  Then I have a scar that goes from my pubic bone up to between my breasts.  If I wear a low enough cut shirt, you can see the top of that scar.  My surgeon re-arranged my abdominal muscles in that surgery. 

I also had an inner thigh lift, which seems to be my most limiting scar.  It starts in my bikini line at the front and goes down and around to my butt.  It is almost like I'm wearing a pair of scar underwear.  Of course, I have that scar on both the right and left sides.

So that is a lot of scar tissue that could be limiting me.  Maybe just my flexibility, maybe in how my muscles reconnected and now fire.  It took almost two years for me to get the feeling back in my left forearm and I wasn't even cut in that area!  It also took a long time for the feeling in my hips to come back and I still have many "dead spots."  I may never fully know what the issue is.  Keith of Tri-Valley Bodyworks does still keep me walking when my body wants to fail, and has worked extensively on releasing my scars. So I will walk a fine line between working toward the moves I want to do and understanding some may not be available to me.

In the meantime, I will keep setting my pole goals and, if/when I hit roadblocks, I will find ways around them!

*Day 3 of 30 day blogging challenge*