Swapping Problems

So what happens when you try to be a good girl and not go shopping every weekend?  Your pants get tighter.

Wait.  What?

I've talked about it before but it is seriously affecting my life right now.  Addiction transfer.  It was something I was hyper aware of before gastric bypass.  I knew that food was no longer going to be my friend so I had to be very careful about shopping or drinking alcohol (or doing drugs, or having sex, or pick any number of things we can become addicted to).  And shopping definitely became my new drug of choice.  I have often likened a shopping binge to a drug binge -- waking up from a weekend of whirlwind shopping with receipts clutched in my sweaty little hand instead of a needle in my arm.  I could easily throw down thousands of dollars in a weekend.  On crap.  Nothing I ever needed.  Most things I didn't even want after I had them.  Then I'd feel guilty.  Guilt makes me feel bad, which just made me want to shop more. 

Rob and I got together almost a year ago.  We just moved in together and, although we don't share a checking account, we pretty much consider all of our finances to be joint.  So, I have been really good about not going shopping -- not spending OUR money.  Other than a couple of small items, I haven't bought myself anything in quite awhile!  So, now that explains why I'm getting fat.  Clearly I've just re-transferred my addiction back over to food!!  You don't have to eat an entire cake or visit McDonalds three times a day to have a food addiction.  It can be very sneaky.  And I consider myself food obsessed, so thinking all day about dieting and watching my calorie intake really just makes me want to eat more food. 

I'm four days into this candida cleanse.  I had to alter it a bit to make sure I'm getting the nutrients I need post-gastric bypass.  And I've had a bit of a headache, but I feel like I'm doing pretty well on it.  Today was my first slip up.  I had part of a donut.  I bought them for my boss for his birthday.  And I smelled them for two glorious hours.  Then I gave in.  But at least I didn't eat the entire box, right?

This week has been great.  I've come to realize some things.  First was realizing that my hip pain is most likely being caused by scar tissue (and I've been feeling better lately since Keith started working on breaking that up)....who knew scar tissue could do that?!  (Although I do have an MRI scheduled for tomorrow to confirm this.)  Second was realizing that my pants getting tighter had much to do with my old demon rearing its ugly head again.  Third was realizing that toxic people are a waste of time and should be removed from my life (although the extraction process might cause some issues and I'm still working on that).  None are earth shattering but the combination should make my life somewhat more comfortable very soon. 

Now what do I do with this information?  Just because I'm aware of a problem doesn't mean its automatically fixed.  On the contrary, sometimes being aware of a problem almost makes it worse for me. 

My short term goal is to continue with the candida cleanse for a month (I have an appointment with a nutritionist next week to confirm I'm doing it the right way) and get back to the gym with my early morning friends (Rob and I have determined that we aren't on the same sleep or workout schedules, so P90X is out for me...I need social interaction to have feel motivated at the gym).  That's all I can do for now.  And for now, that has to be enough.

If anyone has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.