Friday, March 2, 2018

Operation Upside Down: Months 7 and 8

I haven't posted an update in awhile.  If you want to read my last upside down update, you can find it HERE.  Where do I start?  I guess here, with the excuses and whining.  I spent most of January sick and February with a knee injury.  Also, I am just exhausted, and it's freezing cold (well, California cold, which is cold to a Californian), so making a 25 mile drive for an 8 PM class requires a special kind of motivation that I just don't have right now.  I'm tired and frustrated, so I missed many classes in the last two months.

I enjoy Janet's Bottoms Up class because I like and trust her.  I know I won't completely squish her when she tips me backwards.  But the 8 PM start time means I don't get home until after 10 PM on a work night.  I enjoy Jen's lyra class, but the 6:30 PM start time means I need to leave straight from work and pray that the traffic gods are on my side.  It stresses me out.  Plus lyra hurts 100 times more than pole.  And I feel like since I've turned 40, I ache a lot more than I used to.  My hands hurt for two days after lyra.  Currently, I'm rocking a bruise across my hips from a forward fold.  I barely did a forward fold.  I'm not trying to be a circus performer.  So what I've determined is that I really go to lyra to see my friends and laugh.

This knee injury has been plaguing me for a month now.  I believe what happened is that I hyper-extended it while doing the flexibility DVDs (you can read the first post on that HERE), then went to Twirly Girls to dance for an hour, and teach a two-and-a-half hour party.  By the end of that night, I knew I wasn't okay.  I've been limping along by icing and heating, taking cinnamon, using arnica and being extremely careful in yoga (I have to do some kind of movement).  I haven't done the flexibility DVD in a month.  I feel like the worst of the pain and swelling passed within a week or so.  But one little wrong step or tweak puts me back in it.  I am 95% better, but that 5% keeps me down.  I can't climb the pole because it hits my knee in just the right (or wrong) spot.  I can't hang from my knees in the lyra.  I can't sit on my knees for any reason.  I tried to just simply squat down on Monday and that actually put my recovery back at least another week.  In fact, as I write this, I should be in class, but I am aching so much (let's blame the rain), that I don't want to chance hurting myself any further.  I am supposed to teach a workshop in ten days so I am just trying to keep myself at this level until I get through that.  Then I can fall apart.  In fact, it is probably time to get myself to the doctor, but I know they're going to tell me to stop doing what I'm doing and I don't want to be told that.

All this being said, I don't feel like I've lost any strength.  On the nights I have been able to get to class, I do get upside down.  I haven't improved, but I haven't moved backwards.  I can kind of get my knees driven upward, but Janet still has to tip me backwards.  I also wonder if part of my problem is that I need a new goal.  If the goal was simply to get myself upside down, I've done that.  My goal never said: get upside down alone or gracefully or whatever.  I also wonder what's the point?  Just to say I do it?  I don't see myself getting comfortable enough with it to suddenly start throwing it into routines.  So, if I just simply wanted to be strong enough to throw my ass upside down, I did that.  I am in the process of figuring out what I want out of pole.  Is it to be strong?  I haven't been taking any flow or dance classes, so I feel like I've lost a lot of that fluidity.  I think I have a lot to figure out in the next month or so.  I only have this one body and I don't want to be lazy but I also don't want to push myself into injuries that could be avoided if I just listened to my body.  I mean, I can't even squat down to 90 degrees.  I don't want to lose mobility, and I feel like that's happening at an alarming rate.

So the whining is done.  Here are some videos from the last two months.

Performing for Robert and Twirl for a Cause:

The day of the knee injury:


This is where I am pretty sure I hyper-extended my knee.  I was doing the flexibility DVD and trying to take photos to show progress over the previous month.  Someone on Facebook talked about yoga being the portal to hell and then a friend photoshopped this.  So, it's kinda true.  But the photo makes me laugh so I am sharing it here with you.

Made it back to class last week, although I was pretty limited on what I could do.

So, there you go.  I really don't know what the future holds for my "pole career."  I am trying to be kinder and gentler with myself in 2018.  Judge myself less.  Love myself more.  And I don't know that pushing myself through injuries is honoring that.  I guess I have a lot to decide, with no real deadline forcing me to make a decision.  I will certainly let you all know what is coming next!


  1. I was wondering about you the other day, as I hadn't seen a post in awhile.

    Shame about the injuries. But good for you paying attention. We KNOW when it's an injury vs something just hurts. Aerials hurts. A lot. But when it's an injury, you need to force the downtime.

    It's funny how you say how much lyra hurts. Maybe we all not only have different pain thresholds but different types of pain some can handle over others. Lyra, yea, it hurts. But it's usually not the kind of pain that makes it a no-go for me. Ankle hang was for a bit, until I got that and it stopped hurting. Nothing much hurts anymore for me with lyra. There are times I have to literally pry my fingers off the hoop b/c I was gripping so hard for so long and my fingers sort of stay in a curled position for a minute.

    I'm also in a sort of, what do I want from lyra, phase. Do I just go to improve skills? to workout? to eventually perform? I don't have answers yet.

    sorry for the long comment. guess I'm just happy to see you, hehe

    1. I'm here! I'm here! You can always find me on Facebook too. Even if I'm not posting blog updates, I try to post on the Confessions fan page regularly. I've been hanging out with my family a lot. I always have fun with the toddlers.

      I think I need to go in and see Tobe Hanson soon. He's an extremely talented bodyworker who always does more for me than any doctor does. I'll call next week. Ugh...getting older sucks hairy donkey balls!