The 7th Annual Lovely Rita Fundraiser

Well, we did it again.  Twirly Girls Pole Fitness hosted the 7th Annual Lovely Rita Fundraiser to benefit the National Kidney Foundation.  Our very own Rita has had three kidney transplants and Bel has hosted this event every year to help support Rita and to fund research to help people have healthy kidneys.

I performed a routine choreographed by Pole Dance Reunion with Jade, Alana and Katie.  These ladies are another reminder of the importance of sisterhood.  We had a great time getting together to practice and actually have our next two routines sketched out.

Each year, we have an issue in the studio at this event.  The toilet has flooded.  The AC has gone out.  The stereo has broken.  This year, it was the lights.  They kept going into strobe mode.  After two false starts, we finally got the green light, no pun intended.  Although it certainly wasn't my strongest performance of this routine, I am still mostly happy with how it turned out.

If you would like to donate, please visit this link: http://donate.kidney.org/site/TR/Walk/NKFServingtheWest?px=1559560&pg=personal&fr_id=8163

And to watch our video, please do so below:



Be happy you can pee!  If you've had any kidney experiences you'd like to share, please do so below!

Off The Floor: a pole dance documentary

I was recently offered the opportunity to watch Off The Floor, a documentary about Jessica Anderson-Gwin and her dance troupe, Jagged.  I had been a fan of Jagged for many years, but had NO idea of their history.  This month is kind of crazy with NCPP coming up, and I felt like I wouldn't have enough time to fit it in, but something drew me to say yes.  I am so glad I did.

The stereotypical theme of stripper versus modern dance is definitely interwoven throughout the film.  While I tend to shy away from having that argument (strippers do also use poles, so if that is a problem, maybe this isn't the right dance outlet for you....), as a person with a somewhat conservative day job, I do understand it.  I also understand the struggle to find the proper venue for a show.  Not only do the ceilings need to be high enough, and the set-up needs to be right, but the venue has to understand what you'll be doing.  In the beginning of the movie, Jess is calling venues to set up a show, and then tries to explain what pole dance is.  I feel like I made those exact same calls in the early days of the creation of NCPP.  We really only lucked out with a fantastic venue because Ellen had connections.  Otherwise, almost three years later, I might still be making those calls.

It was absolutely amazing to see where Jagged trains.  I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone, but you have to watch it for the sheer brilliance of how their practice space gets set up.  Seriously, I want to live there.  I mean, you know, if they had a space like that here in Northern California that wasn't on International Boulevard in Oakland.  It really does show you the heart that these ladies have.  It is the love of dance and pole that drives them to make due with what they have and create a most beautiful show.  

In case I haven't mentioned it before, I LOVE GROUPS!  I don't want to discount all of the amazing solo dancers I have watched, and I have been very lucky to see some of the most famous pole dancers in person.  I have been completely spoiled to see the best of the best perform.  So I feel like watching the creativity that comes out when a group of polers gets together is like eating the most delicious chocolate and the calories not counting (it's a serious compliment from a fat girl).  

The movie not only follows the path of Jagged and Jessica from approximately 2010 to 2014, but also includes interviews from some of my favorite pole celebrities and pioneers of modern pole.  I also recognized many of the dancers in Jagged from various showcases and competitions that I have attended.  It was a lot of fun to put the pieces together and realize how many of these girls I had watched before.  I also feel like Jagged was way before its time.  Pole was very much a solo gig all the way back in 2010.  I started poling in 2009.  I attended California Pole Dance in 2010.  All solos.  Pole Show LA had some doubles and groups.  Then Pole Convention had doubles and groups.  I'm sure there were plenty of doubles and groups happening before I realized it but I still remember seeing Mina and Nadia perform for the first time and being completely blown away.  I also remember watching Jagged compete at Masters (maybe this was 2012 or 2013?  I'm getting old).  They were beautiful to watch, and perhaps that is where my love affair with groups began.  

I really believe that polers should watch this documentary.  It does a great job of showing, not only how pole dancers are often treated, but how difficult it is to be an artist.  These ladies put their hearts, souls, and, often, all of their money into this art.  This movie is especially for those polers who are just starting to dance.  For every one of them who won't have to hear, "isn't pole dancing for strippers?"  (Because, let's be honest, even if you support strippers, it gets old when everyone asks you that question.)  A debt of gratitude is owed to all of the pole dancers that came before them.  Fawnia in 1994.  Sheila in 2000.  And every amazing poler since.  One of the girls in the movie had a great line:  The pioneers are the ones with the arrows in their back.  I believe that Jessica and Jagged are part of pole history and I applaud them for sharing themselves with us in this movie.  

Jessica is competing this weekend in PSO's Nationals championship.  In honor of Jess, Off The Floor is offering a $3 discount off the price of the movie.  Just use the code: USNPC.  I am a busy person and I often find myself having a hard time sitting through movies, but I found this one to be engaging and completely worth 90 minutes.  The website is:  www.offthefloormovie.com.  

Go watch it, come let me know what you thought, then wish Jessica good luck this weekend at Nationals!

Trying out Cleo's Rock N Pole

Last week I posted a video and wanted to make sure I shared it here as well.  This month I'm trying out Cleo's Rock N Pole.  I don't have a pole at home but there are still tons of lessons for me!  If you want to join me, check out my video below.

Liquid Motion at Kitty Kats Korner

Last weekend, I paid Kitty Kats Korner a visit to take a Liquid Motion doubles workshop.  Our instructor was the lovely Danielle Mayzes. Our gracious host, Sandra, who owns Kitty Kats Korner, is also a certified Liquid Motion instructor. 

Ginger and I have been dancing together for awhile now.  Probably going on two years.  She has been a fan of Liquid Motion so often she incorporates that into our routines, but I had never taken any formal classes.  I remember being at Pole Convention in 2012 when the ladies of Liquid Motion performed (Jeni Janover Stephanie Skyy, Danielle Mayzes and Danielle Romano).  It was mesmerizing.  Bodies moving so fluidly, crossing paths without effort.  They would come together and move apart and sometimes you didn't know where one person started and the other ended.  It was sexy in a very sensual but non-stripper way (not that there's anything with dancing in the "stripper way").  I don't know how to explain it.  It was just different.  You can view that video HERE.

Anyway, Ginger said Liquid Motion was coming to town, so away we went!  Ginger did FOUR workshops on Saturday.  FOUR.  And they were each 90-120 minutes long.  She's a badass.  I did my regular class with Ellen in the morning, then came out just for the doubles workshop, which did last two hours.  I went straight to a massage (which was actually kind of brutal).  I could barely move the next day.

I think the assumption was that most people came with a partner or at least had someone there they knew well enough to bump and grind on and slither around on the ground with (there was one hetero couple who were super sexy to watch).  So, of course, the whole reason I was there was to dance with Ginger.  But before we even got started, there was a mention of switching partners.  We could opt out...but I didn't want to be the sissy baby.  So I said, OF COURSE I will dance with other partners!  Then I cried a little on the inside.

Now, part of why I love dancing with Ginger is because she doesn't judge me.  She doesn't judge my fat.  Or my ridiculous sweat (of which there is always a ton).  She doesn't care that I can't dance that well.  Ginger just accepts me.  And not many people do that.  So, for me to say, of course I'm cool switching partners, is also me forcing myself further outside of my comfort zone.  And that is why I'm there, right?

So, we begin class together.  Ginger and I.  We warm up.  We do some log rolls.  But the time comes when we are supposed to switch.  I see people pairing up.  And I'm like the kid at the playground who doesn't want to get picked last.  It was a really unnecessary vulnerable moment for me.  I see Brie sitting against the wall.  Brie isn't stressed about finding a partner.  I have always liked Brie.  She has always been nice to me and she exudes confidence.  I respect that.  So I crawled up...will you be my partner?  Brie says yes!  Score!  But here's where the fear sets in.  Will she be disgusted by my sweaty body?  We are rolling all over the floor together.  But she didn't miss a beat.  If it did bug her, she kindly didn't let it show.  She's closer to my height, and also has ginormous boobs like mine, so it was a good match.  Later, I got brave again and switched to April.  Again, slightly closer to my height with boobs.  And so I got to fly in some moves that I could have only based before.  For the record, April is as freaking strong as an ox.  I kept worrying that I was going to squish her but she never failed me.  I have to admit, I did drop us once.  My chaturanga was not strong!

Anyway, I won't give away the secrets of Liquid Motion but I really did enjoy the class.  It was humbling realizing that, even when I feel silly, I can't let go because I'll let my partner down.  This was not just about me.  It was a great feeling to try dancing with new people but I still prefer dancing with Ginger.  We did some breathing and moving in the beginning.  We were asked to really pay attention to who was leading and make sure we both took turns.  There were a few times when it was clear that one of us initiated a move, but I felt like a good portion of that exercise, I absolutely could not tell who was leading.  I think we just are that in tune now.

Danielle was a great instructor.  She had a clear curriculum and was open to suggestions as some of us with different body types talked about how to make certain moves work for us (until we realized we were shoulder rolling the wrong way, Brie and I ate a lot of boob).  I'm always concerned that a thinner instructor won't understand how my larger body works.  But I never felt judged, she was always helpful with suggestions, and was open to listening to us talk about how to make moves work.
I want to thank Sandra and Kitty Kats Korner for opening their home to me once again, and thank you to Danielle for traveling to this coast to teach us how to be liquid!  Thank you Jeanette for taking photos!  And THANK YOU to Ginger for being you.  If you've ever been curious about taking a Liquid Motion workshop, I absolutely recommend it.  They can accommodate all levels.  And, especially if you are shy and feel awkward being sexy, you should make yourself take one of these workshops!

Don't mind my wild hair and creepy face...it was that kind of workshop!

Twirly Girls on KTVU!

Recently, a KTVU camera crew came to Twirly Girls to film a segment for a show called Bay Area People.  One of our students is an intern so she was one of the producers and editors (hope I got that right, Tiff!) of the piece.  I am so proud of how it turned out!  I mean, I could certainly nitpick my fat face and robot voice, but I really am excited that pole is getting some love on mainstream television. Take a look!

http://www.ktvu.com/clip/11071573/bay-area-people-company-teaches-fitness-with-pole-dancing

Let me know what you think in the comments below!

Negative Self-Talk: Crushing Pole Dancer Dreams Since 2009

This month's blog hop is about five things you should never say to crush a pole dancer's spirit.  Well, considering the only person who crushes my spirit is me, I am going to write about five things we shouldn't say to ourselves.  I am also giving a shout out to Pole Geek, who already wrote a great post on things you should never say to a plus-sized poler, and who used her last item to talk about negative self-talk.

1.  I can't do the same moves as everyone else, so this is pointless.  It's true.  Not every person can do every move.  Some people are stronger.  Some more flexible.  Some more fluid.  That's what makes us all interesting.  If we were all doing the same moves in exactly the same way, pole dance (and life) would be boring, and we'd already be done with it.  Find something you can do well and build around that.  Maybe it is a move -- I can do handstands, which really makes people cheer for me.  Maybe you are insanely fluid.  I remember a girl coming into class one day and she was saying she dropped out of a show because she could only do pirouettes well and she couldn't pirouette for an entire routine.  Maybe not but I get dizzy doing a pirouette, so I find them awesome to watch.  I bet she could start with some dizzying pirouettes and go into some other moves easier than she thinks.  But do yourself a huge favor and don't compare yourself to the rest of class.  We are all good at something!

2.  I can only make it to class once a week, so clearly I'm never going to get better at this.  Well, while it is certainly true that the more you practice, the better you will most likely become, you have to ask yourself why you started pole dancing in the first place.  Are you trying to compete or participate in high level showcases?  Then, sure, you should be practicing more often than once a week.  Are you exploring a new type of movement and enjoying the benefit of exercise?  Then there's nothing wrong with coming to class once a week.  I don't know about your class, but my weekly pole class wasn't just about exercising.  It was about seeing friends, laughing and enjoying the mental release that comes with closing my eyes and dancing.

3.  I'll try pole once I've lost five (ten...twenty...fifty) pounds.  If I waited for weight loss to do anything in life, I'd truly never do anything.  Get out there and try things now.  The best way to get strong for pole dance is to try it (notice I didn't say the best way to lose weight for pole dance...).  I have very literally spent my entire life worrying about my weight.  Drink Slim Fast, drop 20 pounds in a week.  Weight Watchers, yo-yo up and down.  Even after gastric bypass, I have been as low as 180 pounds (extremely slim for my frame) and have crept back up to 260 pounds (and have been every weight in between).  If I only did fun things during the times that I felt like I was thinner or was at least losing weight, I would have wasted most of my life.  I'm over that.  I get that there may be physical limitations based on what I weigh (I think zip-lining has a 250 pound limit, but I didn't enjoy zip-lining anyway), but for the most part, if I want to do something, I go do it.

4.  I can't wear those tiny shorts.  Okay, then don't.  But after the first class of sliding around in your yoga pants, you won't be able to wait to get into some shorts.  Our very first aerial move (called a sliding prayer) requires a little skin and stick.  Pretty much everyone who tells me they don't want to wear the short-shorts is in them by class 2 or 3 (and I would say the majority of them are looking for shorts in the lost and found before their first class is even over).  One thing I learned in my class is that no one is looking at me or my cottage cheese thighs.  They're all too worried about themselves!  So bring your yoga pants but make sure you have some shorts hidden in your bag.  Trust me, you'll thank me later!

5.  I can't pole dance because my family and friends will think I'm a whore.  The stereotype is still there.  I still get the lifted eyebrow when I tell some people that I pole dance (however, more often I get the "holy shit, that is so cool, when can I come try it" reaction).  So I am careful about who I tell (not always something I reveal on the first day of a new job).  I realize that my personality is pretty gruff.  I don't take a lot of shit from people, I don't waste time with people who aren't worth my time and I generally don't care what people think about me.  That's actually not true.  I do somewhat care what people think, but I am grown up enough to know that what they think about me says more about them than it does about me.  And I remind myself of that when dealing with many, many, many, many people in my life.  The pole dancer in me says, who cares if pole dance came from the strip clubs?  Mind your business.  The real-life-job-holding-religious-family-having person in me realizes it's never just that simple.  Pole dance certainly isn't for everyone.  But I would hope that you would try a class (and encourage the haters to join you) before passing judgment.  Because most of the haters I've brought to class can't use their arms the next day and have a new-found respect for pole dance.

Can you think of some soul-crushing things you've said to yourself during your pole dance journey?  Please share them below in the comments!  Also, please read the other entries in this month's blog hop!

Trick or Twirl 2014

Ginger and I performed another routine together.  This time, for Twirly Girls' Halloween show, Trick or Twirl, we did a Jeni Janover/Liquid Motion-inspired piece to the song, Motivation.  I really enjoy working with Ginger and I felt less silly with the sexy this time.  Don't get me wrong, I still feel silly but I am getting more comfortable with it.  Enjoy photos and videos below!

My performance at Cowboy Wild's Pole-Tacular Birthday Extravaganza

This will be short and sweet.  Here's video of my performance at Robert's birthday (you can read more about the weekend HERE).  There is also the playlist of other performances.  Thank you to AJ for teaching us the choreography from the video!  And thank you so much to all of my back-up dancers!  Since I could barely remember the dance, I needed you!!! 

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September 2014 Blog Hop: Hot for Teacher

You've heard the saying:  "Those who can, do; those who can't, teach."  While I know a ton of amazing pole teachers who can do *and* teach, in my case, that is actually true!  When Bel asked me to become an instructor almost three years ago, I really didn't feel qualified.  I didn't have a background in dance or fitness.  I really had only a very basic understanding of body mechanics.  I had been working out, doing yoga, and paying trainers for almost 18 years, but that still does not make me an expert.  However, I started to shadow Bel (who is a certified fitness expert and is also Xpert certified in pole) and eventually started to teach a beginner pole class. 

Many of my students were also friends and ended up dancing with me for over two years.  We also had new students come through, so I was teaching a mixed level class.  Again, I didn't feel qualified.  A few months ago, we started trying to encourage them to take other classes so that I could get back to basics and teach the beginner levels again.  The plan is for my class to provide a solid foundation so that little baby pole dancers can go on to intermediate and advanced classes with confidence. 

While I miss my regular class and friends terribly, I also really enjoy teaching beginner pole.  I feel like I can actually provide useful information and teach moves. 

I have been frustrated with my pole journey lately.  I recently lost 21 pounds and wanted to start taking more classes so I can grow -- not only so I can be a better pole dancer but so I can be a better instructor.  As seems to happen to me, injuries, time, money, life...it all gets in the way. 

I really do enjoy teaching beginners because I feel like it allows me to continue to be an ambassador for pole.  Each time I teach someone who has never poled before, I feel like I am responsible for helping them see how awesome pole is.  I see Yelp reviews for studios and instructors who are horribly mean and nasty to their students.  That will never be me.  Everyone is welcome in my class.  You won't learn how to Iron-X in my class, but I promise some dancing, sweating, and a lot of laughs. 

Who was your first pole instructor?  Do you still take class with them??  Leave your comments below!

It was a Timber Brown weekend!

When Robert aka Cowboy Wild decided to make his birthday party a benefit for Timber Brown's organization, Timber's Kids, we thought it would fun to invite him but figured it was a shot in the dark on whether he would have time to come out for it (or even want to...hello, we are virtual strangers asking him to fly out and perform on a promise that we are supporting his cause).  It never hurts to ask and this one paid off big time.

Timber's Kids is a charity that supports children who may have had rough childhoods and allows him to bring circus opportunities to them.  If you would like to support the cause, please donate HERE.  If you work for a school or other organization that would like to have Timber come out, please contact him. 

I first saw Timber perform at California Pole Dance Championships in 2011.  I was mostly only familiar with what I consider "traditional" pole dancers at the time, which consisted of female dancers.  Think Natasha Wang, Phoenix Kazree.  Beautiful dancers and athletic - yes, but they still were not doing anything like Timber was doing at the time.  CPDC was on stage poles that year and Timber blew my mind and probably almost knocked over the poles.  I interviewed him in my blog the same year.  [You can read that post HERE.]  Timber and I spoke on the phone before I sent him my questions and the one thing I took away was how sweet he was. 

Fast forward to Pole Expo 2013.  Timber was in the middle of his America's Got Talent ride and I finally got to meet him in person.  Sometimes I don't like meeting famous people.  I don't like to ruin my vision of them.  But again, I was very taken with what a nice person he was.  So when Robert wanted Timber at his birthday this year, I felt like we had nothing to lose by asking.  Timber not only came through but far-exceeded our expectations. 

Timber flew out last Friday and we went on an adventure in San Francisco.  We rode BART and Muni.  Timber climbed things.  Tall things.  [There was only one rule: he couldn't get arrested...death was fine, but handcuffs were not...until Sunday, that is!]  There were handstands in the Marina overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge.  We had cupcakes to celebrate Robert's birthday.  It was really a beautiful day (minus our sunburns).  That evening, Timber taught a private class at Twirly Girls and, after dinner for Robert's birthday, we went back to the studio for more fun on the pole. 

Timber brought a really fun new aparatus with him.  He has fashioned a chair to a spinning pole and the things he can do on it are pretty amazing.  The working title of the chair is Timber Brown's Pole Chair.  There is a patent pending.  Check out some play time at Twirly Girls:



I think one of the things I admire most about Timber is the intensity and the honesty in his performances.  It doesn't matter who is in that chair.  The eye contact is there and that person feels like they are the only person in the room.  I'm not sure Timber meant for his chair to be a lap dance tool but it sure did work out for Robert and his birthday!

Our fun continued on Sunday, as we returned to San Francisco to watch Robert's husband as Holotta Tymes in Sunday's A Drag at the Starlight Room.  We ate a delicious brunch and enjoyed the show from the front row.  We then went back to Walnut Creek, where we held Robert's birthday show to benefit Timber's Kids at Club 1220:  Cowboy Wild's Pole-Tacular Birthday Extravaganza.  You can keep an eye out on my YouTube channel for video of the performances, but I just couldn't wait to get Daisy's lap dance up for everyone to enjoy.  She donated $110 in order to enjoy this special performance up close and personal! 



In the end, over $1,800 was donated to Timber's Kids.  We are so touched that Timber was able to join us for the weekend and I'm so proud of how Robert is flourishing, both as a person and a pole dancer.  Thank you to every single person who made this weekend so amazing.  I can't wait to do it again! 

Check out a few photos from our adventures below:

Kate providing a lovely base for Timber's handstand

I caught him fair and square!!



Timber in SF -- to which a lady screamed: BE CAREFUL!



Timber in front of the Sir Francis Drake Hotel before brunch on Sunday



Hey, you're wearing my shirt!

Getting all up in Cassandra Cass

 

Holotta Tymes, Timber and Donna Sashay at the Starlight Room

Daisy enjoying Timber's awesome pole chair

Cake by Jessica!

Timber doing his thing

Another poletastic weekend.  Thank you to Robert and Dale for including me in the birthday celebrations, thank you to Kate for joining us this weekend, to AJ, Seanmichael, and all of the Twirly Girls.  To 1220.  To everyone who attended the show.  To everyone who participated in the show.  ESPECIALLY TO MY BACK-UP DANCERS!  And to Timber.  What an amazing soul.  I look forward to doing this again!  Until next time...keep twirling!  (Or twisting...that's for you, Steve!)

My Sasja Lee Weekend

I wrote about Sasja Lee, aka Sassy, over two years ago.  We bonded over In-N-Out on Facebook and we have been FB buddies ever since.  Last weekend, Sasja came to San Francisco to dance at Volare Variety and teach some workshops, so we got to hang out a little bit. 



Cast of Volare

Sasja has been tearing up the competition circuit this past year.  I watched her win California Pole Dance Championship last year and she has been pretty much winning every competition since.  I really don't know what she can't do.  I understand she won CPDC just days after being in a horrible car accident!  Beast mode.  Seriously. 

Anyway, after Volare, Sasja and SeanMichael rode back on BART with Rita and me, where they gave BART riders a thrilling public trans shoulder mount experience.  It was so funny!  I got photos but I guess video would have been better -- maybe next time!  It turned out that Sasja was eager to ride BART after reading on Facebook about some of my "awesome" experiences. 

shoulder mount on BART

The next morning, Sasja did two workshops at Twirly Girls.  I pretty much judge my workshop experience based on how an instructor treats me after the class has advanced beyond my skills (which will happen in most workshops and I am okay with it).  We were learning a little routine.  After she taught each piece, Sasja would come around and watch each of us do the move.  We finally got to a point where you would invert, pike, then go into superman.  I giggled.  Time for me to check out!  So she gets to my pole and she says, your turn!  I said, yeah right.  She goes, no seriously, try it!  So I went to get my woody band seat belt and I got myself upside down.  She says, now let go and grab above your leg.  I said, you're crazy.  She said she's heard that before.  HA!  Look, once I'm upside down, I need all my arms and legs to hold on for dear life.  I'm not ready to let go yet.  I really, really appreciated her continuing to include me in the class, and I feel like I learned so much even once the routine was more advanced than I could do.  I really do appreciate those instructors who continue to include me even though I can't do all the moves.  It is a small effort and makes a dancer who struggles with moves like I do feel like I am still part of class.  I still got some pretty awesome bruises that I've been proudly showing off to anyone who will look. 

That being said, for the last 20 minutes, I did just go to the back room and start stretching.  Perhaps a brutal yoga class right before a 90 minute Sasja Lee workshop wasn't my best choice that day! 

I really wish I had been able to spend more time with Sasja during her trip.  I swear, I'm going to win the lottery someday and just start hanging out with these cool people who have such interesting lives!

Have you ever taken a workshop with Sasja?  Tell me about it in the comments section!

Covering up Sasja's amazing arms

Getting ready for the BART shoulder mount

Our class

My tiny sister

 

That's me!!!  This bruise is the most fantastic!

Pole Strength: More Woody Band Exercises

I made a couple of new videos about how to use iron woody bands for pole strengthening exercises.  Check them out.  One is a pole-up to the side of the pole and the other is a push-up on the ground.  Let me know what you think, and if you have any requests, leave a comment.  Thanks!

June 2014 Blog Hop: Body Awareness

For this month's blog hop, we are talking about body consciousness.  The official title is: The Body is Art.  We could consider questions such as "how do we honor our bodies?"  Or, "Tell the story of your body."  I feel like many of you know the story of my body, so I decided to choose this subtopic:

How has being a poler, aerial artist or athlete contributed to your awareness of your body? Are you more critical or satisfied with your body? Are you more in tuned with your body?

Oh I am very aware of my body.  I'm aware of the rolls that hang over my pants.  My thighs that spread wider than I'd like.  My chins that occasionally double up on me.  My arms that sag despite surgical intervention.  My boobs that are a little too large and low for my liking.  Yeah, I have some crazy body awareness.  I'm aware that I don't like my body much.  At the same time, I so appreciate the things it does for me.  It carries me everywhere I need to go, even when I'm in pain.  It lets me dance and do yoga.  It lets me ride a bike.  It lets me swim.  I might grump about my body, and my body may hurt sometimes (thanks to my abuse) but it still gets me to all the places I need to show up.  So I appreciate it for that.  

This is such a funny topic for me.  I am very weird about my body.  On one hand, I hide my body.  I tug at my shirt to cover my fat, even though a lot of my fat was surgically cut off years ago.  On the other hand, I put on tiny shorts on a very regular basis and dance around, often posting photos and videos to public websites.  How does that work?!

See?  I'm so shy!

I've always been a walking contradiction.  When I was at my highest weight and started getting shy about going out in public, I started working with a local band and forcing myself to go out and deal with my new-found phobia.  I had an amazing boss early in my career who always told me "the worst someone can do is say no."  They aren't going to kill me or fire me, as long as I'm asking for something reasonable.  So I've kind of applied that to my entire life.  Even when I really, really don't want to do something, I just force myself to do it.  What's the worst that can happen?  Someone doesn't like me?  Ok.  Whatever.  It gives me an air of confidence that I don't actually have.  I still go home at night wondering if people like me.

I feel that pole dancing has furthered that attitude.  Sure, I am very self-conscious about my appearance and my lack of ability to dance extremely well or do tricks.  But I still do all the shows at Twirly Girls.  I make an effort to create an interesting routine so (most) people aren't wishing I would hurry up and get off stage. I fully realize I am not putting on the most amazing routine of the night.  But still, I do it.

I can't tell you how many times I've been stopped while cosplaying as Candy of Chunky Girl Comics.  Women generally in awe that I would walk around in such small shorts.  Always telling me how much they admire me for being brave.  I guess I'm supposed to be more self-conscious about my thunder thighs.  Oh well.  I guess I always figured if I faked confidence and self-esteem, it might actually happen for me.  Fake it til you make it, right?  It must be working because people are often surprised when I say I struggle with self-esteem issues. 

I recently played around at Twirly Girls and put a video of some of my moves together (still not back to free dancing a full song well).  I am frustrated because I have lists of combos I want to try but when the music starts, I freeze.  So, rather than continuing to talk about my body, I'm going to let you watch my larger-than-average body twirling around the pole and writhing on the floor.  It's my body, and I'll do what I want with it.  If you don't like, look away.  That's my attitude!

The Surprise Murder Mystery Party

So awhile back, I'm watching Big Bang Theory, and they had a surprise murder mystery party.  I have never desired to attend a murder mystery, but suddenly a SURPRISE murder mystery seemed like the funnest idea EVER.  Mama Bel's birthday was coming up, and so I started spinning the idea in my head.  I ran it by a few other Twirlies and it was set!  The theme of a Disney princess murder mystery seemed like a no brainer thanks to Fat Princess (aka AJ).  I realized I couldn't make it a surprise for everyone since the attendees needed to wear costumes and read up on their characters.  So, I decided that only Bel would be surprised. 

I had NO idea how much work one of these parties would be.  I purchased the kit from a website, but I had to print out almost 100 pages of documents, then cut everything up and place them into envelopes.  It took me hours.  Don't get me wrong, it was a ton of fun and so worth it once the party started!

I arrived at Bel's house dressed as some kind of modern punk ballerina Snow White.  I had Rita dressed as a fairy, Ellen dressed as an Eminem'ed out Rap-unzel and Jade as Hansel.  Bel was thoroughly confused.  We just told her that "all would be revealed shortly."  As people began to arrive, Bel started to guess who they were.  It was awesome.  Diana (Red Riding Hood) and Kim (Jasmine)  kindly provided Bel with a yellow dress, as her character was Belle from Beauty and the Beast.  She was dancing around, guessing whether she was a can-can girl or Cinderella.  Sean Michael played Prince Charming, the ultimate host of the evening, and the person aaaaaaalllll the princesses wanted to get with.  AJ starred as Cinderella (aka Cindy), the princess who went missing, and cuing the beginning of our murder mystery. 

We let Bel in on the secret, gave her some information about her character and away we went!  

If you don't want to know who "dies" and how the rest of the party plays out, please don't read past here.  I'm going to post photos of the event.  I want to wish Bel a very, very happy birthday (today is her actual birthday).  She has done so much for me, and I was happy to be able to be part of a fun night in her honor.  Thank you to Ellen for picking up the beautiful cake!  I also want to thank everyone who came to the party.  It was difficult because you have to get a number of guests, then assign characters.  And each one plays a role, so we did a little juggling in the last couple of days, and had a few attendees who didn't get an official character.  But I felt like the entire thing came together well, moved along at a pretty good pace and that, in the end, everyone had a really fun time.

So, happy, happy birthday, Mama Bel!!  Enjoy a photo journal of our evening: