The theme for this month's blog hop is emotionality and spirituality. From our fearless leader, Sheena: "Movement is the expression of life, of existence, of the universe. This movement is fluid, i.e., it is the movement of waves… undulations, vibrations, pulsations. These are the same movements that animate this body we are, this body that does plies, tendus, spirals, falls… Is dance not just another manifestation of the living breathing universe, of which we are a part?"
So dancing is helping me learn to find that middle ground with my emotions. I think the reason I only danced to loud rock songs when I first started to pole dance was because I couldn't find my happy place with soft music. It made me want to cry and crying in public, in my world, is like a fate worse than death.
I have been attending a class called Dance Lab at Twirly Girls, taught by the amazing AJ. It focuses more on contemporary dance rather than pole moves. It is helping me connect with that side of myself that I have ignored for most of my life.
I have always loved music and have only ever enjoyed dancing in my mind or at my house with no one watching. Joining Twirly Girls, then actually performing in public, has been a HUGE deal for me because it makes me vulnerable. It opens me up to criticism, not just from others but from myself. "I'm too fat to dance like that." "I can't move the way everyone else does." "I'm not flexible enough." "I'm not strong enough." "I hate that I'm so sweaty." All that self-hate talk spills out into my dance, making me tentative and disconnected from dancing. I am working on changing that. And I appreciate everyone at Twirly Girls who is helping to make that happen.