Negative Self-Talk: Crushing Pole Dancer Dreams Since 2009

This month's blog hop is about five things you should never say to crush a pole dancer's spirit.  Well, considering the only person who crushes my spirit is me, I am going to write about five things we shouldn't say to ourselves.  I am also giving a shout out to Pole Geek, who already wrote a great post on things you should never say to a plus-sized poler, and who used her last item to talk about negative self-talk.

1.  I can't do the same moves as everyone else, so this is pointless.  It's true.  Not every person can do every move.  Some people are stronger.  Some more flexible.  Some more fluid.  That's what makes us all interesting.  If we were all doing the same moves in exactly the same way, pole dance (and life) would be boring, and we'd already be done with it.  Find something you can do well and build around that.  Maybe it is a move -- I can do handstands, which really makes people cheer for me.  Maybe you are insanely fluid.  I remember a girl coming into class one day and she was saying she dropped out of a show because she could only do pirouettes well and she couldn't pirouette for an entire routine.  Maybe not but I get dizzy doing a pirouette, so I find them awesome to watch.  I bet she could start with some dizzying pirouettes and go into some other moves easier than she thinks.  But do yourself a huge favor and don't compare yourself to the rest of class.  We are all good at something!

2.  I can only make it to class once a week, so clearly I'm never going to get better at this.  Well, while it is certainly true that the more you practice, the better you will most likely become, you have to ask yourself why you started pole dancing in the first place.  Are you trying to compete or participate in high level showcases?  Then, sure, you should be practicing more often than once a week.  Are you exploring a new type of movement and enjoying the benefit of exercise?  Then there's nothing wrong with coming to class once a week.  I don't know about your class, but my weekly pole class wasn't just about exercising.  It was about seeing friends, laughing and enjoying the mental release that comes with closing my eyes and dancing.

3.  I'll try pole once I've lost five (ten...twenty...fifty) pounds.  If I waited for weight loss to do anything in life, I'd truly never do anything.  Get out there and try things now.  The best way to get strong for pole dance is to try it (notice I didn't say the best way to lose weight for pole dance...).  I have very literally spent my entire life worrying about my weight.  Drink Slim Fast, drop 20 pounds in a week.  Weight Watchers, yo-yo up and down.  Even after gastric bypass, I have been as low as 180 pounds (extremely slim for my frame) and have crept back up to 260 pounds (and have been every weight in between).  If I only did fun things during the times that I felt like I was thinner or was at least losing weight, I would have wasted most of my life.  I'm over that.  I get that there may be physical limitations based on what I weigh (I think zip-lining has a 250 pound limit, but I didn't enjoy zip-lining anyway), but for the most part, if I want to do something, I go do it.

4.  I can't wear those tiny shorts.  Okay, then don't.  But after the first class of sliding around in your yoga pants, you won't be able to wait to get into some shorts.  Our very first aerial move (called a sliding prayer) requires a little skin and stick.  Pretty much everyone who tells me they don't want to wear the short-shorts is in them by class 2 or 3 (and I would say the majority of them are looking for shorts in the lost and found before their first class is even over).  One thing I learned in my class is that no one is looking at me or my cottage cheese thighs.  They're all too worried about themselves!  So bring your yoga pants but make sure you have some shorts hidden in your bag.  Trust me, you'll thank me later!

5.  I can't pole dance because my family and friends will think I'm a whore.  The stereotype is still there.  I still get the lifted eyebrow when I tell some people that I pole dance (however, more often I get the "holy shit, that is so cool, when can I come try it" reaction).  So I am careful about who I tell (not always something I reveal on the first day of a new job).  I realize that my personality is pretty gruff.  I don't take a lot of shit from people, I don't waste time with people who aren't worth my time and I generally don't care what people think about me.  That's actually not true.  I do somewhat care what people think, but I am grown up enough to know that what they think about me says more about them than it does about me.  And I remind myself of that when dealing with many, many, many, many people in my life.  The pole dancer in me says, who cares if pole dance came from the strip clubs?  Mind your business.  The real-life-job-holding-religious-family-having person in me realizes it's never just that simple.  Pole dance certainly isn't for everyone.  But I would hope that you would try a class (and encourage the haters to join you) before passing judgment.  Because most of the haters I've brought to class can't use their arms the next day and have a new-found respect for pole dance.

Can you think of some soul-crushing things you've said to yourself during your pole dance journey?  Please share them below in the comments!  Also, please read the other entries in this month's blog hop!

December 2014 Blog Hop: My Year in Photos!

It has, once again, been a crazy year.  Here are some highlights.  Sorry, I couldn't just pick one photo to represent each month and I'm sure I missed a bunch of things because I got tired of downloading photos.  And, since my life isn't just about pole, I really did include everything I did.  Enjoy!

...

September 2014 Blog Hop: Hot for Teacher

You've heard the saying:  "Those who can, do; those who can't, teach."  While I know a ton of amazing pole teachers who can do *and* teach, in my case, that is actually true!  When Bel asked me to become an instructor almost three years ago, I really didn't feel qualified.  I didn't have a background in dance or fitness.  I really had only a very basic understanding of body mechanics.  I had been working out, doing yoga, and paying trainers for almost 18 years, but that still does not make me an expert.  However, I started to shadow Bel (who is a certified fitness expert and is also Xpert certified in pole) and eventually started to teach a beginner pole class. 

Many of my students were also friends and ended up dancing with me for over two years.  We also had new students come through, so I was teaching a mixed level class.  Again, I didn't feel qualified.  A few months ago, we started trying to encourage them to take other classes so that I could get back to basics and teach the beginner levels again.  The plan is for my class to provide a solid foundation so that little baby pole dancers can go on to intermediate and advanced classes with confidence. 

While I miss my regular class and friends terribly, I also really enjoy teaching beginner pole.  I feel like I can actually provide useful information and teach moves. 

I have been frustrated with my pole journey lately.  I recently lost 21 pounds and wanted to start taking more classes so I can grow -- not only so I can be a better pole dancer but so I can be a better instructor.  As seems to happen to me, injuries, time, money, life...it all gets in the way. 

I really do enjoy teaching beginners because I feel like it allows me to continue to be an ambassador for pole.  Each time I teach someone who has never poled before, I feel like I am responsible for helping them see how awesome pole is.  I see Yelp reviews for studios and instructors who are horribly mean and nasty to their students.  That will never be me.  Everyone is welcome in my class.  You won't learn how to Iron-X in my class, but I promise some dancing, sweating, and a lot of laughs. 

Who was your first pole instructor?  Do you still take class with them??  Leave your comments below!

August 2014 Blog Hop: My NCPP Pole Playlist

Last weekend, the showcase for which I am co-producer, and have been planning for a year, finally happened.  What also happened is exposure to new pole songs!

Here is my list of top 10 songs from NCPP:

Lil Darlin' by ZZ Ward
Call Me by Shinedown
Skinny Love by Birdy (I want to hate this song so bad but I just can't)
Once Upon a Dream (Maleficent soundtrack)
There was also a mix of two songs from the Lucy soundtrack (First Cells and Mr. Wang's)...very animalistic!
Take Me to Church by Hozier
Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Hunger Games: Catching Fire soundtrack)
Nothing Else Matters as covered by Godsmack
All About That Bass by Meghan Trainor
Thieves and Kings by The peach Kings

Honorable mention: Human by Krewella

I created a playlist that included performance songs and filler songs.  So I filed it with random songs from my eclectic playlist.  I figured people would either love it or hate it.  I can't tell you how many people stopped me to tell me they loved the filler music.  Score!

I will personally be dancing to All About That Bass next month.  I should probably get on creating that routine.  Thanks to Kaitlyn for some cute ideas!

So there are a few songs that may already be on your playlist but hopefully a few that are not.  Please leave some of your favorites in the comments below.  My pole playlist for Twirly Girls needs a refresher!!

July 2014 Blog Hop: Mid-Year Review

It is time for the blog hop again and we are doing a check-in!  How is 2014 going for you?

My year has been fantastic!

I got a new job, have started gaining strength, and Rob is also working.  I am out of my dark place.

When I wrote about my intentions in January, I set four goals:

Flexibility:  I am hitting up yoga 3-4 days a week.  I still feel very inflexible but I can still tell the difference now that I am doing yoga so often.  I love how I feel!!  I feel strong. 

Deal with foot issues:  My feet hurt on occasion, but for the most part, I think my surgery foot is all healed up!  If I walk A TON, it will definitely be sore, but it no longer hurts.  It is such a relief.

Do more, do less.  Weeeeellllllll....I might need to work on this a bit.  I am doing too much and I'm exhausted.  But I feel like it is all stuff I need to do.  I have to work.  I have to work out.  I have to do NCPP stuff.  I have to foster friendships by spending time with people.  Sooooo....what do you cut out?

Be healthy.  I am on a journey and I am doing really well.  Ellen is literally saving my life.  You can read my latest post on that HERE.

 Anyway, there's my quick check-in.  Now you can check out a photo journal of the past six months.  I like to say that I'll sleep when I'm dead.  If I had more money, my adventures might be more grand.  But for what I have, I feel like my life is pretty fun. 

January: Volare Variety

February: Cowboy Wild's show at 1220

February: Yoga in Lake Tahoe

March: Volare Variety

March: Twirly Girls

March: Hey look, I'm doing yogini!  hahaha!

April: Twirly Girls

April: Stiletto Night at Twirly Girls

April: Fun night at Diablo Gym

April: Lovely Rita Fundraiser

April: Twirly Girls

May: Playing Candy from Chunky Girl Comics

May: Dressed up as Snow White

May: Twirly Girls

June: Twirly Girls

June: From Liquidpulp photoshoot

June: Horseback riding on the beach

June: AIDS Walk Fundraiser...Bitches be like...

June: Twirly Girls

July: Fly Gym at Twirly Girls

July: New hair!

June: Twirly Girls

I am looking forward to the next half of the year!  Tell me how you're doing with your goals!

June 2014 Blog Hop: Body Awareness

For this month's blog hop, we are talking about body consciousness.  The official title is: The Body is Art.  We could consider questions such as "how do we honor our bodies?"  Or, "Tell the story of your body."  I feel like many of you know the story of my body, so I decided to choose this subtopic:

How has being a poler, aerial artist or athlete contributed to your awareness of your body? Are you more critical or satisfied with your body? Are you more in tuned with your body?

Oh I am very aware of my body.  I'm aware of the rolls that hang over my pants.  My thighs that spread wider than I'd like.  My chins that occasionally double up on me.  My arms that sag despite surgical intervention.  My boobs that are a little too large and low for my liking.  Yeah, I have some crazy body awareness.  I'm aware that I don't like my body much.  At the same time, I so appreciate the things it does for me.  It carries me everywhere I need to go, even when I'm in pain.  It lets me dance and do yoga.  It lets me ride a bike.  It lets me swim.  I might grump about my body, and my body may hurt sometimes (thanks to my abuse) but it still gets me to all the places I need to show up.  So I appreciate it for that.  

This is such a funny topic for me.  I am very weird about my body.  On one hand, I hide my body.  I tug at my shirt to cover my fat, even though a lot of my fat was surgically cut off years ago.  On the other hand, I put on tiny shorts on a very regular basis and dance around, often posting photos and videos to public websites.  How does that work?!

See?  I'm so shy!

I've always been a walking contradiction.  When I was at my highest weight and started getting shy about going out in public, I started working with a local band and forcing myself to go out and deal with my new-found phobia.  I had an amazing boss early in my career who always told me "the worst someone can do is say no."  They aren't going to kill me or fire me, as long as I'm asking for something reasonable.  So I've kind of applied that to my entire life.  Even when I really, really don't want to do something, I just force myself to do it.  What's the worst that can happen?  Someone doesn't like me?  Ok.  Whatever.  It gives me an air of confidence that I don't actually have.  I still go home at night wondering if people like me.

I feel that pole dancing has furthered that attitude.  Sure, I am very self-conscious about my appearance and my lack of ability to dance extremely well or do tricks.  But I still do all the shows at Twirly Girls.  I make an effort to create an interesting routine so (most) people aren't wishing I would hurry up and get off stage. I fully realize I am not putting on the most amazing routine of the night.  But still, I do it.

I can't tell you how many times I've been stopped while cosplaying as Candy of Chunky Girl Comics.  Women generally in awe that I would walk around in such small shorts.  Always telling me how much they admire me for being brave.  I guess I'm supposed to be more self-conscious about my thunder thighs.  Oh well.  I guess I always figured if I faked confidence and self-esteem, it might actually happen for me.  Fake it til you make it, right?  It must be working because people are often surprised when I say I struggle with self-esteem issues. 

I recently played around at Twirly Girls and put a video of some of my moves together (still not back to free dancing a full song well).  I am frustrated because I have lists of combos I want to try but when the music starts, I freeze.  So, rather than continuing to talk about my body, I'm going to let you watch my larger-than-average body twirling around the pole and writhing on the floor.  It's my body, and I'll do what I want with it.  If you don't like, look away.  That's my attitude!

May 2014 Blog Hop: Pole and Social Culture

This month's blog hop is about social culture and pole.  You can read our instructions HERE, but there are so many amazing quotes that Sheena found that I want to paste them in below so you don't miss them:

In the last few years, the popularity of pole dancing has grown in leaps and bounds, not to mention bumps and grinds. via the Huffington Post

What was once a dance that was synonymous with strip clubs, pole art has become an underground community that is finding its way into mainstream dance, fitness, art and culture. via the LA Times

It’s a sport that’s gaining popularity globally as a fitness trend – with ambitions for inclusion in the Olympics – but it still has an image problem. via the Guardian

This wasn’t a disco. It was no country club either. These women — and yes, men, too — have moves that are better than Jagger. The best of the best in the art and sport of pole dancing showed their stuff on Saturday, Day 2 of the third-annual Midwest Pole Dancing Competition and Convention, which drew 400 to 500 people to the Tinley Park Convention Center. via The SunTimes

There are terms a pole-dancing judge just doesn’t use at the World Pole Sports Championships. ”Spatchcock,” for instance. That’s what pole dancers usually call the maneuver Liza Szabo worked into her routine….. the old name wouldn’t do for this venue. Here, her move was officially the “FM10,” and for good reason: The meet’s organizers want to reform pole dancing into a sport respectable enough to go to the Olympics. via The Wall Street Journal

Clad in knee-high leather boots, spandex shorts and a sports bra, Xiao Yan struck a pose two feet off the ground, her head glistening with sweat and her arms straining as she suspended herself from a vertical pole. via The New York Times

Pole dance is a form of performance art, historically associated with strip clubs and dance clubs, which combines dance and acrobatics centered around a vertical pole. via  Wikipedia

These are our statistics

According to United Pole Artist, these are some of our pole dance statistics as of 2012. (we can’t substantiate these numbers at this time, fyi.)

• Number of Pole Dancers in the world:  180,000 (Provided by Bad Kitty Exotic Wear)
• Number of Pole Dancing Studios in the world: 1,200
• Number of Active Pole Dancing Countries: 70
• Number of Pole Dancing Studios in the US: 571 (Updated 5/23/12)
• First Pole Dancing Studio in the World to Open: 1994, by Fawnia Deitrich. 

Fewer and fewer people raise their eyebrows when I tell them that I pole dance.  To me, that means that pole dance is finally starting to become part of mainstream culture.  A couple of years ago, I asked how long it might take for pole to truly be accepted.  I guessed: "about a generation."  If you think about it, we're over half way there!  The first studio was opened in 1994 -- 20 years ago, but it has really been in the last 8-10 years that studios have started popping up all over the United States.  So, we're well on our way to becoming a staple in pop culture so that no one needs to make fun or call us strippers anymore (not that there's anything wrong with stripping, but you know that person means it as an insult when they say it). 

I have been trying to piece together the history of modern pole dance.  My fourth post on the topic can be read HERE (and you can follow the links back to see posts one through three).  Speaking of strippers...do you think we need to sanitize pole in order for it truly become mainstream?  You can check out that post HERE (and again, follow the links back to other posts that may be relevant).  I think part of the process is allowing men into pole studios.  I know many women feel like they need a safe place (and I think having women-only classes is fine, but women-only studios excludes a ton of people who also want to be able to express themselves through pole dance). 

Pole dance means so much to me.  I am learning to get in touch with my emotions and my body.  I have met so many amazing people, and have had so many awesome opportunities present themselves thanks to pole.  Whether it is ever truly accepted in the mainstream, I do not care.  I will forever be grateful to pole dance for the fun times over the last four and a half years (and look forward to many more to come!).

April 2014 Blog Hop: Emotions

It has been an entire month since I have written anything in this blog.  I almost missed the deadline for the blog hop.  Life has been that crazy.  Between the new job being crazy busy (but still awesome), some personal shit that I don't really want to put out in public and trying to fit in all the other stuff, like preparing for NCPP, there's just no time left in the day. 

The theme for this month's blog hop is emotionality and spirituality.  From our fearless leader, Sheena:  "Movement is the expression of life, of existence, of the universe. This movement is fluid, i.e., it is the movement of waves… undulations, vibrations, pulsations. These are the same movements that animate this body we are, this body that does plies, tendus, spirals, falls… Is dance not just another manifestation of the living breathing universe, of which we are a part?"
 

Yeah, I have issues with all of this.  I am a weird person.  I am very emotional and passionate but I often try to hide it.  It usually doesn't come out until I'm super pissed off and then it's a bad thing.  I also come from a large family so sometimes you have to be loud to be heard.  I haven't quite learned that I don't have to be that overly animated person all the time anymore.  Sometimes being loud makes people really uncomfortable.  So I have ON.  Or OFF.  No in between.  Then I sulk.  I don't like being told I'm being loud and obnoxious so then I just want to go away.  It's easier than trying to be somewhere in the middle, which isn't comfortable for me.  Trust me, I've tried.  It just doesn't work.

So dancing is helping me learn to find that middle ground with my emotions.  I think the reason I only danced to loud rock songs when I first started to pole dance was because I couldn't find my  happy place with soft music.  It made me want to cry and crying in public, in my world, is like a fate worse than death. 

The Fifth Annual Lovely Rita Fundraiser to benefit the National Kidney Foundation was held at Twirly Girls this past weekend.  I danced a very slow and quiet routine with my friend, Ginger.  The song was "Say Something," which, to me, is a song about that point in a relationship where a single word could mean the difference between a relationship continuing or completely ending.  The song represents so many aspects of my life right now.  It was the slowest I have probably moved through a routine and it was also probably the most satisfying routine I have ever done. 

 
I have been attending a class called Dance Lab at Twirly Girls, taught by the amazing AJ.  It focuses more on contemporary dance rather than pole moves.  It is helping me connect with that side of myself that I have ignored for most of my life. 

I have always loved music and have only ever enjoyed dancing in my mind or at my house with no one watching.  Joining Twirly Girls, then actually performing in public, has been a HUGE deal for me because it makes me vulnerable.  It opens me up to criticism, not just from others but from myself.  "I'm too fat to dance like that."  "I can't move the way everyone else does."  "I'm not flexible enough."  "I'm not strong enough."  "I hate that I'm so sweaty."  All that self-hate talk spills out into my dance, making me tentative and disconnected from dancing.  I am working on changing that.  And I appreciate everyone at Twirly Girls who is helping to make that happen. 

And that is who I dedicate this post to:  Every single person at Twirly Girls who supports me.  Bel.  Rita.  My entire class, especially Yolanda and Robert.  AJ.  Sean Michael.  Diana.  Jade.  Ginger.  (Please forgive me for anyone I've missed...if I named every single person individually, we'd be here all day!!)  These are all people who have personally touched my twirly life and are helping me on my personal journey of self-acceptance.  So thank you for that!  And I love you all!

March 2013 Blog Hop: My Men of Pole

The PDBA blog hop this month offered us choices...either write about some very personal stuff ("the great reveal") or do an interview piece with someone ("the profile feature").  Since last month's topic regarding men in the pole industry was so popular and controversial, I decided to interview two of the men I discussed in my first blog hop post for February (my second piece was a bit more personal). I guess since I often write about very personal topics on this blog, there really isn't a "great reveal" that I can share with you. 

So I would like for you to meet two Twirly Boys who are very near and dear to my heart. I guess you could call this a Q&A with the Men of Twirly Girls!  

Meet AJ and Seanmichael - the dynamic duo:

Tell me your name and a little bit about yourself - where you are from and what you do for work. That kind of thing!

Street poling with AJ and SM

SM: My name is Seanmichael Richard Rau.  I was born in Oakland, California and have lived in the San Francisco Bay Area for the majority of my life.  When I'm not on a pole I work in the natural foods industry doing training and education.   

AJ: My name is Job Bautista. I graduated with a BM in Voice and I dabbled in local theater in the Philippines. During my days off from the university I trained and worked as an aerialist and contemporary dancer under Airdance Philippines.  

I've only been in the United States for 10 months but I was fortunate enough start working as a Pole Fitness and Dance instructor as soon as August of last year, 2013. Before then I taught and coached company members of Polecats Manila and spearheaded their Men's Pole Fitness class.

How did you first hear about pole dance and where did you take your very first class?

SM: The very first time I danced on a pole was at a club in Cairns, Australia I thought it was lots of fun but didn't realize that the pole industry or classes existed at that point.  Years later, my coworker, and dear friend, Lizzie Robillard took me to a pole workout class at a circus training facility called Kinetic Arts Center and it was love at first spin.

AJ: I first heard of Pole Dancing back in 2010 when I worked under a contemporary dance company called Airdance. They organized an event for International dance day wherein local dance companies would come together and celebrate dance in public spaces along the local railway transit and boarding stations in the city. Amongst the groups attending was Polecats Manila who was then in the beginning stages of creating their school. 

My first informal lesson was with one of their members teaching me how to do a skater on the vertical handrails in the train station. After an introduction to a few of their members they then invited me to a trial session for their Men's Pole Fitness Class. 

How long ago was that?
 
SM: My first class at Kinetic Arts Center was on December 1st, 2011.  

AJ: Roughly 4 years ago.

How did you know you were hooked?

SM: I credit my initial love of pole to my instructor (now friend) Luiza Silva.  She created a space that was all about getting fit while having fun and being creative.  I have always hated working out but loved physical play.  That class was also a lot about community support.  We encouraged and celebrated each other and ended every class with a lights off freestyle - the first time I had ever let my body speak my emotions for me.

Can you find AJ?

AJ: I knew I was hooked when I just kept on wanting to learn more and took every opportunity to do so. After that fateful meeting in the train-station events just seemed to roll over one after the other. The girls invited me to their first trial Men's Pole Fitness Class and then a few weeks after I joined an international pole workshop held in Manila. Soon after I was called back by the Polecats to became a guest Male Solo pole artist in a Contemporary Dance Festival called Wifi Bodies. It seems as if I always kept on saying yes to all these invites and the opportunities just kept on coming till before I knew it I was training for a competition overseas. 

The world of pole dance is heavily dominated by women. How does it feel to be a man in a world where men can sometimes not feel welcome?

SM: This question for me is more about being a part of a community where not all people are welcome.  As a side affect of our larger societal community I worry about things like cultural appropriation during "themed" competition pieces or some competitions' judging bias towards male bodied performers and perceived "masculine" movement.  I also worry about our trans community members and how heteronormativity and gender binaries are negatively affecting their ability to feel included.  I want this to be an inclusive community where all people get to come together to create and share and have fun.  I do not always feel like that is the case and I am hoping that more dialogue is opened up on these topics so we can bring awareness to the issues.

AJ:  This question is strange to me because I always felt welcome since the first day I started. Back in the day I was one of the few men practicing the craft not because there were a lack of co-ed studios but simply because it was just starting to take off and hardly anyone knew about it. Together with the girls we spearheaded the first Men's pole class in the Philippines and since then we've had mixed level co-ed classes. I'm proud to say we have around 10-15 men regularly attending our classes and the women have been very supportive of them.
  
I've been lucky because I have always found my way into finding studios with such a welcoming environment. I dropped into Twirly Girls and was greeted by quite a few men and the women were just as warm to having that masculine energy in the crowd. 

There have to be a thousand websites with pole clothes for women. Where do you buy your pole clothes?
 
SM: My go-to comfy pole shorts for everyday use are the wide band boy shorts from kurve dancewear.  They come in dozens of colors and are very well priced.  Competition and performance costumes are a combination of swimsuits, custom designs, thrift store finds, and fetish wear from all over the place.  I spend a fair amount of time searching the webs for interesting pole pieces.  Even though there are less go-to spots for me to shop (bad kitty, mika etc.) I like the challenge of finding something unique.

AJ: I buy them everywhere from the most popular brands to the most unknown. Lululemon is a staple for me coz they are able to shorten and hem their bottoms for free. As for tops, well, I hardly teach topless so I just cut up nice loose shirts on the side so I have a bit of side and waist grip.

Tell me about competitions in which you have participated. What did you learn about yourself during the training process?

Seanmichael

SM: I've competed at The Pacific Pole Championships twice, National Aerial Pole Art and Pole Expo.  The decision to compete was a challenge I posed to myself to become a better performer and athlete.  I will admit that there are times when getting ready for these events that I have completely lost sight of the love and joy that I have for movement and I have gotten caught up in the details of scores and titles.  I am learning not only how my body operates physically but also the mental exercise of being reminded why I do this. David C. Owen sent me a lovely message that I hope he doesn't mind me sharing here "Just be your weird self and enjoy being on stage and doing something you find meaningful.  Be the best you." I think that sums up quite nicely how I feel about competing.  I'm not up there for fame and glory.  I don't need a gold medal or a worldwide workshop tour or 1000 likes on Facebook.  I am there to become the best artist that I can be in order to share my story with anyone who is willing to watch.

AJ: I've joined quite a few competitions and was lucky enough to place in a few of them;

Best Choreography- Singapore Pole Challenge (2011)

• Champion- Singapore Pole Challenge (2011)
• 1st Runner Up (Pole Division)- PPS Aerial Performance Tournament (2012)
• Pole Fit Runner Up -International Pole Championship (2012)

I think more than anything I learned to be fearless. To be fearless of whatever critique comes my way, to be fearless of my capabilities, and to be fearless as a person in general. I've learned to take risks and learned how to trust in myself and in the faith of others who believe in me. During a lot of the competitions I've joined I have been held back by a lot of self doubt but then I put my trust and faith in those who believe me. Sometimes it takes someone else to put you into perspective and it sometimes is scary because their perspective of you is far greater than you have ever imagined. You just have to be fearless.

Do you have an opinion about pole getting into the Olympics?
 
SM: I am more interested in pole as an artistic expression than an athletic competition so I do not feel strongly about seeing it become a part of the Olympic games.
 
AJ: I think it's a great thing that we're driving pole into the Olympics. It's such a young sport that I think it will take quite some time till it makes its way but I believe it's a good thing. Some people will think that it will stunt the creative process of pole to becoming more of athleticism and technique as opposed to creativity and artistry but I think there are other venues for these creative processes. As for now I think that pushing pole to the Olympics will help widen the understanding for Pole as a form of art and sport.

What would you suggest studios do to make classes more welcoming for men?

SM: I would change the word men to "people" for starters because men and women aren't the only options. Then I would make these requests: 

• Please do not perpetuate stereotypes about how society expects different bodies to move. "We're working on this movement but it's really girly so you can try something else."
• Instead let the entire class know that we all have unique bodies and what works for one of us may not work for another. Create a space that is safe for everyone to explore their own unique style of movement.
• Please do not downplay someone's abilities because of their body. "Deadlifts are easier for you because you're a boy." Instead, acknowledge the hard work that everyone has put in to achieving a skill or movement.   

AJ's hiding again!

AJ: Well, just like every business you have to reach out to your audience. Nothing sends more of a welcoming message then a hand that reaches out and makes you feel you are wanted and just as special as everyone else.


What is your pole dream and how do you plan to reach it?

SM: My dream is to continue to create movement based art that touches its viewers and provokes thought and to help others find the potential in their bodies' ability to move and express emotion.  Before pole, I had no idea what my body was capable of and I want to continue to push those limits.  

AJ: My dream is to spearhead a show built on artistry and concept. It doesn't have to be a big show. It can just be made in a simple space but I'd like to make performances that make you feel distraught to those that elate you to euphoria from the most whimsical to the mundane. I just want to make people feel and step out of themselves for a moment.  

As of now I'm immersing myself in circus and theater to build on that concept and we'll see where inspiration takes flight. 

How did you each find Twirly Girls and each other, my dynamic duo?

SM: I came to Twirly Girls for a private lesson with Nadia Sharif and was welcomed onto the team shortly thereafter.  The community that Bel Jeremiah has built is astonishing and when AJ came to visit from the Philippines he immediately fit in with our family.  We trained together with Phoenix Kazree before he flew back home and I was heartbroken because I felt like I had found and was about to lose my kindred spirit.  Luckily for me, he moved to the Bay Area and became an official part of the studio less than a year later. AJ is a tremendous artist, dancer, friend, and support.  I admire his skills but even more-so his humility, and compassion.  He has always pushed me and believed in my ability to compete even when I've lost my way.  There is something about the way that this apparatus has managed to create an international community that brings people together and it's comforting to know that even when our bodies are no longer capable of throwing fonjis, we'll still have the relationships that pole brought into our lives.  I affectionately refer to AJ as my "pole boyfriend" but he is so much more to me than any title can explain.

AJ: I was then residing in the Philippines and was teaching part time as a pole instructor and finishing my Bachelors of Music in Voice in the year 2012. My family decided to bring me over to the U.S. for a Christmas break vacation. We headed to Las Vegas where I met David C. Owen who was then teaching in Shine Fitness. I hardly knew any pole studios in the Bay Area where my family lived so I asked him for some help. I figured that just like my home in the Philippines that I could simply step in to the studio and drop into a class. Little did I know that there were a few studios who had co-ed classes and he sent me a list of them through facebook. I wanted to go to each and every studio who accepted men in their classes but since I was pressed for time I only went to one. That led me to Twirly Girls where I met SeanMichael and the rest of the Twirly Girl team.

We only met once that day but I guess we were fated to train with each other since. Phoenix Kazree was in town and SeanMichael had signed up for a private with her in preparation for a competition. Being such a fan of hers I asked to tag along with him for a semi-private. That would be our second pole play date together.

The moment I decided to come back here after my graduation in the Philippines I sent him a message that I was in town. We've been Pole Boyfriends since. =)

*****

I really appreciate both Seanmichael and AJ taking the time to be part of my blog this month. I know they are both very busy and I want them to know how much I enjoy the time I get to spend with them at Twirly Girls.

If you know AJ and SM, leave a comment below and tell me how you met them!