Friday, January 3, 2014

January 2014 Blog Hop: Setting My Intentions For The Year

This month's PDBA blog hop is about setting goals, intentions...or that yucky word, resolutions.  Why is that word so horrible to me?  A resolution tells me I'm doing something wrong, and need to do it better.  Even if it's the truth, sometimes you aren't ready to hear it.  Setting goals makes me feel shitty since I'm four years into pole dancing and still not hitting many of the goals I set early on in my pole dancing "career."  So many what-ifs.  What if I hadn't gotten a hip injury a few months into pole dancing?  What if I didn't have to start commuting to San Francisco for work?  What if I didn't get a bone spur in my right foot, causing me to have foot surgery?  What if I didn't have a problem in my left foot now?  What if I didn't gain a bunch of weight?

So I am going to set some intentions.  They seem like so much less pressure than resolutions or goals. 

January 2013
Flexibility - especially back-bending.  I am not a flexible person.  Even in 2008/2009, when I was "in shape" and going to yoga three times a week religiously, I was not a flexible person.  That is all the more reason to work as hard as I can to stay "flexible" -- well my version of flexible, which is still very inflexible by many others' standards.  My body hurts when I don't do yoga, and I lose a lot of muscle.  So there are many incentives to continue with my yoga practice.

Deal with my foot issues without beating myself up.  I am frustrated beyond belief.  I started this job in San Francisco in October 2012, and almost immediately started getting a pain in my right foot.  It was weird to me because the extra walking and standing on BART to and from work shouldn't have caused it, as I was fairly active already.  The only thing I could come up with was that I went from wearing flip flops every day to wearing "real" shoes.  (By the way, I was wearing good contoured flip flops and not dollar shoes from Old Navy, since everyone seems to mention that.)  Anyway, my body had clearly gotten used to walking in flip flops, and moving to shoes (and probably the extra walking and standing) irritated my plantar fascia, which started touching the bone spur and swelling.  Lucky me.  Flash forward to August 2013, where I have surgery to release the plantar fascia.  I took a month off work and two months off exercising.  I returned to exercise a tiny bit too soon.  Now that I'm back into it, that foot still hasn't fully healed.  It doesn't hurt as much but there is still swelling, which could eventually lead to the fascia touching the spur and hurting again.  It also feels like the integrity of my foot has been compromised and the foot in general just hurts every day, all day.  Foot pain sucks...there's no way not to walk on your foot so every step is a jarring reminder that you hurt. 
December 2013

And from limping, then walking in a moon boot on my right foot, my left foot -- which I call the "good foot" -- started to hurt within the last couple of months.  In April 2013, I actually stepped down really hard on that foot and got a jarring pain.  The next two days, I couldn't walk on it.  I thought I had a hairline fracture.  My regular doctor (not the podiatrist treating my right foot) felt like it was no big deal, it seemed to heal up.  But now that I have limped on it and maybe since the weather has gotten extremely cold (yes the 30's is cold for California), the pain is excruciating.  It is slightly different pain than the right foot, so maybe I did actually break it back in April, but if I push around on my heel, I can "make" it hurt like the other foot, so who knows.  I have another doctor's appointment in two weeks (with my podiatrist).  Frustrating. 

I often like to say, here is the reason I'm doing something.  It may sound like an excuse, but it is simply the reason.  No, I can't go run 5k's, because neither of my feet is physically able to handle that kind of pounding.  I can cycle a bit and do yoga.  But even walking for short distances leaves me in a lot of pain.  If we're talking about the 0-10 scale, I wake up as a 3-4 and am up to an 8 by mid-day.  Every time I stand up, I get to steady myself and kind of warm my feet up before I take a step so I don't topple.  Anyway, I'm trying not to whine about it, and also trying not to be mad at myself about things out of my control.  Would my pain be lessened by some weight loss?  It's possible.  But it's not a guarantee.  It is difficult for me to lose weight quickly (especially when my exercise is limited).  It has to be a combination of exercise and better food choices.  (I have officially been counting calories for about two months and go up and down the same five pounds, so no true/real loss yet.  No, I'm not eating hidden calories or "forgetting" to count everything I eat.)  But I will never be that person who can drop 20 pounds in two weeks by doing a liquid diet.  That pushes my brain into crazy mode and causes a binge, which leads to weight gain.  I've been playing this game for a long time.  I play by my own rules but that's just how it has to be.  (By the way, pushing pyramid scheme diet products on me isn't helpful and is actually extremely rude.  Also pointing out I've gained weight and need to do something doesn't motivate me.  It really makes me want to no longer be friends.) 

Do more.  Do less.  I plan to do more of the things that make me happy this year and do less of the things that I feel obligated to do, but don't enjoy.  Certainly, there will be things I have to do because I AM obligated to do them.  But I truly can't attend the birthday parties of every child of every acquaintance that I have.  It's just not feasible.  I also plan to spend less time with people who feel that they need to guilt me into it.  I enjoy my friends, I really do.  And I am a busy person.  It's not a game I play to feel important or special, it just is what it is.  But the number of people who feel the need to make snide remarks about how little time I have or make for them aren't people I need to spend time with at all.  I'm all about making my down time fun and relaxing.  I am excited, however, to do more in the pole dancing world.  I am still excited about future projects in the works with the Pole Dancing Bloggers Association and am working hard on getting that Nor Cal pole competition set up this summer with Amy Bond. 

Be Healthy.  Not just with food and exercise, but with my work life, my home life and every part of my life in between.  Everything requires some kind of balance. 


I am at a cross-roads, that is for sure.  Either I can throw the towel in and call it a day, or I can make the effort to get up every day and make it a good one.  For now, I am making the effort and I appreciate every one of you who reads my blog and sends me messages letting me know we are all on our own journey. 

Please tell me if you are setting goals or resolutions (or intentions) for the new year.  I'd love to hear them!


  1. I love how you talk about yoga being good for you and your body, not just another way to exercise as many people refer to it. You have a great way of reminding people how good exercise is for the body, in other senses then weight loss. Our bodies are meant to move and we feel better when we do. Looking forward to more yoga shots from you :)

    1. I love yoga. Yoga is the one thing I can't let myself give up, even when I'm injured.

  2. I love that you do yoga as well and looking forward to your comp!

    1. Just had a hiccup but am moving forward...I hope to have some details on this comp soon!!