Confessions turns Five!

It has been five years since I started this crazy adventure called blogging.  I am so grateful for all of the fun times I've had thanks to the pole dance world, and appreciate the outlet the blogging provides for me.  Enjoy a little slideshow of fun from the past five years!

Negative Self-Talk: Crushing Pole Dancer Dreams Since 2009

This month's blog hop is about five things you should never say to crush a pole dancer's spirit.  Well, considering the only person who crushes my spirit is me, I am going to write about five things we shouldn't say to ourselves.  I am also giving a shout out to Pole Geek, who already wrote a great post on things you should never say to a plus-sized poler, and who used her last item to talk about negative self-talk.

1.  I can't do the same moves as everyone else, so this is pointless.  It's true.  Not every person can do every move.  Some people are stronger.  Some more flexible.  Some more fluid.  That's what makes us all interesting.  If we were all doing the same moves in exactly the same way, pole dance (and life) would be boring, and we'd already be done with it.  Find something you can do well and build around that.  Maybe it is a move -- I can do handstands, which really makes people cheer for me.  Maybe you are insanely fluid.  I remember a girl coming into class one day and she was saying she dropped out of a show because she could only do pirouettes well and she couldn't pirouette for an entire routine.  Maybe not but I get dizzy doing a pirouette, so I find them awesome to watch.  I bet she could start with some dizzying pirouettes and go into some other moves easier than she thinks.  But do yourself a huge favor and don't compare yourself to the rest of class.  We are all good at something!

2.  I can only make it to class once a week, so clearly I'm never going to get better at this.  Well, while it is certainly true that the more you practice, the better you will most likely become, you have to ask yourself why you started pole dancing in the first place.  Are you trying to compete or participate in high level showcases?  Then, sure, you should be practicing more often than once a week.  Are you exploring a new type of movement and enjoying the benefit of exercise?  Then there's nothing wrong with coming to class once a week.  I don't know about your class, but my weekly pole class wasn't just about exercising.  It was about seeing friends, laughing and enjoying the mental release that comes with closing my eyes and dancing.

3.  I'll try pole once I've lost five (ten...twenty...fifty) pounds.  If I waited for weight loss to do anything in life, I'd truly never do anything.  Get out there and try things now.  The best way to get strong for pole dance is to try it (notice I didn't say the best way to lose weight for pole dance...).  I have very literally spent my entire life worrying about my weight.  Drink Slim Fast, drop 20 pounds in a week.  Weight Watchers, yo-yo up and down.  Even after gastric bypass, I have been as low as 180 pounds (extremely slim for my frame) and have crept back up to 260 pounds (and have been every weight in between).  If I only did fun things during the times that I felt like I was thinner or was at least losing weight, I would have wasted most of my life.  I'm over that.  I get that there may be physical limitations based on what I weigh (I think zip-lining has a 250 pound limit, but I didn't enjoy zip-lining anyway), but for the most part, if I want to do something, I go do it.

4.  I can't wear those tiny shorts.  Okay, then don't.  But after the first class of sliding around in your yoga pants, you won't be able to wait to get into some shorts.  Our very first aerial move (called a sliding prayer) requires a little skin and stick.  Pretty much everyone who tells me they don't want to wear the short-shorts is in them by class 2 or 3 (and I would say the majority of them are looking for shorts in the lost and found before their first class is even over).  One thing I learned in my class is that no one is looking at me or my cottage cheese thighs.  They're all too worried about themselves!  So bring your yoga pants but make sure you have some shorts hidden in your bag.  Trust me, you'll thank me later!

5.  I can't pole dance because my family and friends will think I'm a whore.  The stereotype is still there.  I still get the lifted eyebrow when I tell some people that I pole dance (however, more often I get the "holy shit, that is so cool, when can I come try it" reaction).  So I am careful about who I tell (not always something I reveal on the first day of a new job).  I realize that my personality is pretty gruff.  I don't take a lot of shit from people, I don't waste time with people who aren't worth my time and I generally don't care what people think about me.  That's actually not true.  I do somewhat care what people think, but I am grown up enough to know that what they think about me says more about them than it does about me.  And I remind myself of that when dealing with many, many, many, many people in my life.  The pole dancer in me says, who cares if pole dance came from the strip clubs?  Mind your business.  The real-life-job-holding-religious-family-having person in me realizes it's never just that simple.  Pole dance certainly isn't for everyone.  But I would hope that you would try a class (and encourage the haters to join you) before passing judgment.  Because most of the haters I've brought to class can't use their arms the next day and have a new-found respect for pole dance.

Can you think of some soul-crushing things you've said to yourself during your pole dance journey?  Please share them below in the comments!  Also, please read the other entries in this month's blog hop!

Happy Feet...Kinda

Some of you have watched the saga of me getting older and my body essentially punching me repeatedly in the face. My hip has issues. My feet have issues. My doctor constantly tells me I am too young to be in his office as often as I am (currently, I am still visiting him weekly for hip and foot issues, where he also gives me B12 shots to help with healing). Today is an update about my new adventures with the Graston Technique on my left foot (right foot had surgery in 2013).  It took about a year for my right foot to stop hurting post-surgery. On top of all of this BS, my right foot has once again started hurting (so I only got about four or five months pain-free with that foot). I guess when you mess with your alignment, it can cause other issues.

So the left hip started randomly giving me trouble about five years ago (no injury to blame it on). I saw Keith and he got me back into a place where I could live relatively pain-free. After starting that new job in San Francisco in 2012, and going from wearing flip flops every day to real shoes, my right foot started really hurting. After having surgery and limping around in a moon boot for awhile, my left hip flared up again but I just kind of ignored it. My doctor warned me if I didn't take care of it, I would develop arthritis, and he started performing myofascial release on that hip this year. It has been life-changing. (We don't even have to mention how my little fall in Vegas put me back months and I'm still paying the price for that with my tight toes.) Something my doctor mentioned at one visit was how the tightness in my foot was related to my tight calves. Interestingly enough, I had just started having the Graston technique performed on my foot and calf the same week my doctor mentioned this.

I am about six weeks in to having the Graston technique performed on my foot (about once a week, although the holidays have made that a little difficult) and I really do feel like it is making a difference in the pain in my feet. The actual technique can be kind of painful. I have these crazy knots in my calves. I have always felt like my muscles practically melted after gastric bypass. Losing weight that quickly just destroys your body. My theory is that when the muscles started coming back, they fused in weird ways. When I used to get Charlie horses in my calf, it would be the back of the leg. After gastric bypass, Charlie horses moved into this place in between my muscles, which was completely unreachable and never could be rubbed out.

Although I am certainly not yet cured of foot pain, on the weeks I have Angela work on me, I am in significantly less pain than on the weeks I haven't been able to make it in. I am continuing with my yoga in order to keep myself somewhat stretched out. I am also using the Bledsoe brace on my left foot to keep pressure on the fascia. It is frustrating to be going through this on my other foot, but I really do hope that, if I keep up the Graston visits, I may be able to avoid future surgery on that foot.

Got any tricks for foot pain? I'm open to trying almost anything! I have been throwing around the idea of trying acupuncture. That should be fun...I really love needles. Not.

Bone spurs on the right foot. The left foot has similar, although smaller, spurs

Awesome bruise after a Graston visit

December 2014 Blog Hop: My Year in Photos!

It has, once again, been a crazy year.  Here are some highlights.  Sorry, I couldn't just pick one photo to represent each month and I'm sure I missed a bunch of things because I got tired of downloading photos.  And, since my life isn't just about pole, I really did include everything I did.  Enjoy!

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My Fifth Anniversary as a Twirly Girl

I really can't believe I have been on this pole dancing journey for five years.  On December 2, 2009, Rita and I walked through the doors of Twirly Girls and we never left.  Not long after, Bel nicknamed me the Twirling Viking Warrior.  This has been a really difficult week, so I would have otherwise planned a longer tribute to my family at Twirly Girls, but I think pictures speak louder than words, so enjoy a few photos from the last couple of years of my journey.

Dangerous Curves III

This weekend is the third annual Dangerous Curves, a celebration of plus size pole athletes, created and hosted by my friend, Roz THE DIVA Mays.  Roz has been a cheerleader for plus sized athletes in pole dance since the birth of modern pole and I appreciate all the love and support she gives me so I try to give it right back when I can.  I cannot be in New York this weekend (but am hoping this is a trip I can make next year, either as a spectator or maybe even as a competitor!!!?).  However, if you ARE in New York, please check out the show and give me a review! 

If you need more incentive, my loves at the Pole Dancing Bloggers Association are giving away a free ticket!!  Click THIS link for more information.

I encourage everyone to support the shit out of Roz and Dangerous Curves!  Please check THIS link if you're in New York and want to purchase tickets! 

Graston Technique: A Story About My Sad Feet

In my last pain update, I reported that I injured myself at Pole Expo and was dealing with some major foot and back problems.  It is about six weeks later, and I am happy to report that my back is feeling much better (though it is still a little tight).  I am finally back to doing mini backbends in yoga (in my world, standing upright is a back bend).  My left foot is slowly following along (well, the top of it and the toes -- we will get to the bottom of my foot later).  Last night in yoga, I was actually able to roll over my toes from plank to downward dog without having to lift my feet up and carefully place them on the ground in order to avoid the sad toes.  However, now my left hip, which had responded well to the myofascial release therapy (I actually had quite a few completely pain free days!), is suddenly hurting.  A lot.  I can't win.  Ever.  

Don't tell anyone I was wearing these shoes...

Anyway, I met Angela through a fellow Twirly Girl, Jessica.  Angela, owner of Body Strong Massage, came out to NCPP and did chair massages for most of the day.  When I met Angela, she was in the process of setting up a location pretty close to my house so I promised to set up an appointment for a massage.  It took me a few months to pull it together but I finally got out there last week.  While she worked on me, we talked about all of my body issues.  Scars.  Injuries.  We talked about my foot surgery.  It took about a year, but my right foot is now mostly pain free post-fascia release, however, there's still kind of a bump in my foot where the fascia was cut.  Sadly, my left foot (even before the latest injury) was starting to have the plantar fasciitis type pain.  I expressed my frustration and she understood.  Angela does those crazy ultra marathons.  The ones I couldn't even dream of walking, much less running, with all the issues I'm having right now.  Anyway, she pulls out this little metal tool and starts talking about the Graston Technique.  She tells me she battled plantar fasciitis for a long time and it almost ruined her.  So she does foot work for a very reasonable price because she feels so passionately about helping people live without pain.  

What is the Graston Technique?  

"Graston Technique^® is an evidence-based form of instrument-assisted soft tissue mobilization that enables clinicians to effectively address scar tissue and fascial restrictions through comprehensive training, resulting in improved patient outcomes.

The technique uses specially-designed stainless steel instruments, along with appropriate therapeutic exercise, to specifically detect and effectively treat areas exhibiting soft tissue fibrosis or chronic inflammation. The instruments also are used diagnostically to follow the kinetic chain, to locate and treat the cause of the symptom as well as the specific area of pain."

Angela tried out the technique on me during the massage.  She likened the knots in my body to many plastic bags stuck together.  You know, like those little bags in the grocery store that we need to lick our fingers to separate and put our produce in?  Those ones.  The tool is this small metal, almost brass knuckle-looking, thing.  I think of it kind of like a squeegee.  Think of laying tint on a window and you're trying to get all the air bubbles out.  That's how it felt for me.  

Although, Angela worked on me a little bit with the tool last Friday, I made an appointment for last night just to have my feet worked on.  It was crazy.  I could feel all of these little cracky things in both feet and calves.  She could feel where I was tight and then follow the yellow brick road to another area of the leg that was also tight.  I am a little sore today but have another appointment for next week.  

This was a really great experience for me.  I am not lessening the amazingness of Keith but it is nice to have someone very close to home.  I am realizing that, although Keith really put me back together when I was in the worst place, I needed to be seeing him a couple of times a week for a few months in order to have truly reaped the benefits of what he does.  I didn't really get that until I watched my doctor work on my hip.  So I am going to be more proactive with my feet and not wait until I can't walk to take care of the problem.

So, between my doctor fixing my hip and Angela fixing my feet, my goal is to be relatively pain free in 2015!  I have not been that way in over five years.  

Have you ever tried the Graston Technique?  Someone mentioned that it can be used on scars in general so maybe I'll start having her run it over my plastic surgery scars that have tightened down.  I'd love to hear about your experiences with it!