Sunday, December 11, 2011

Understanding your own limitations

When I saw Lulu's article earlier this week, I immediately sent the photos and videos to Bel and said, "if Lulu is doing these moves, there's no reason I shouldn't be strong enough to do them too!"  It might sound like I'm putting Lulu down, but I'm not.  I already know that being overweight doesn't mean you can't be strong.  But I am always so focused on what I *might* or *should* be able to do in the future when I *hope* to lose a few pounds.  I weigh the same as Lulu, so maybe there is hope that I can stop waiting for the future to get here and just get my ass on the pole and do them now. 

Bel mentioned that Lulu has an extensive background in cheerleading and gymnastics.  Of course that is obvious as you watch her bust out the splits like they are nothing.  I am nowhere near doing the splits.  I don't have the flexibility.  That has nothing to with weight.  That just means I'm not bendy.

Bel also mentioned how she (Bel) used to be able to do pull-ups.  Then she had shoulder surgery and could no longer do them.  She's still strong, but something is "mis-firing" or not connecting.  She brought up all of my surgeries and the scars that zig zag all over my body.  My surgeon had to cut through all kinds of muscles and tissue and nerves.  Perhaps some things will just never connect properly again.  I don't want to use this as an excuse not to keep trying.  But I also want to be realistic and not expect things of myself that I may never be able to do.  I was not a super active kid.  I didn't really take dance classes or gymnastics, so my body doesn't have old muscle memory of back bends and splits to go back to. 

You can read about my plastic surgery adventures HERE.

Let me try to describe my scars to you.  One starts at the inside of my left elbow.  It runs up my inner arm, to my arm pit (with a z carved in to avoid tying my arms down to my sides), then down the side of my body (through the "bra overhang area") to a half-circle under the fold of my left breast.  I have a matching long scar on the right side.  Since I had a breast lift, there is a line from the scar that goes under my breast up the middle to my nipple.  My nipples were removed and sewed back on, giving my breasts the classic lift "smiley face." 

Due to the lower body lift, I have a scar that encircles my entire body -- around my hips.  Then I have a scar that goes from my pubic bone up to between my breasts.  If I wear a low enough cut shirt, you can see the top of that scar.  My surgeon re-arranged my abdominal muscles in that surgery. 

I also had an inner thigh lift, which seems to be my most limiting scar.  It starts in my bikini line at the front and goes down and around to my butt.  It is almost like I'm wearing a pair of scar underwear.  Of course, I have that scar on both the right and left sides.

So that is a lot of scar tissue that could be limiting me.  Maybe just my flexibility, maybe in how my muscles reconnected and now fire.  It took almost two years for me to get the feeling back in my left forearm and I wasn't even cut in that area!  It also took a long time for the feeling in my hips to come back and I still have many "dead spots."  I may never fully know what the issue is.  Keith of Tri-Valley Bodyworks does still keep me walking when my body wants to fail, and has worked extensively on releasing my scars. So I will walk a fine line between working toward the moves I want to do and understanding some may not be available to me.

In the meantime, I will keep setting my pole goals and, if/when I hit roadblocks, I will find ways around them!

*Day 3 of 30 day blogging challenge*

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