Mobility Update: The Yoga Body Trapeze

It has been a year since I posted about losing mobility, and two years since the world shut down for covid.  I complained of weight gain and loss of energy.  I consciously started moving more (and sitting less) about a year ago, so I have successfully maintained the same weight for the last year.  I am ready to drop some of the weight, but that is always a tightrope walk for me.  I gave up those sugary Vitamin Waters again.  No weight loss.  Gave up drinking alcohol every night.  No weight loss.  It gets frustrating.  I know if I just start heavily restricting calories, it will cause a binge eventually.  So I have to cut a few calories and burn a few calories.  Slow and steady.  I guess due to my age, the weight has gone into a weird place too.  It is my mid-section, which would have been fine if I didn't have that tummy tuck scar holding certain areas so tightly.  The fat is squishing into weird places, making my organs feel crowded and giving me pretty epic back fat when I'm wearing a bra.  Good luck in child's pose during yoga.  I almost can't breathe.  

Last month, I passed the 18th anniversary of my weight loss surgery with no fanfare.  I guess I don't see it as something to necessarily celebrate anymore.  I think I had hoped that surgery would get me out of the "diet world," and that's just not the case.  I am still very focused on food and diet and body image issues.  I think I have finally accepted that I'm still essentially the same person, whether I'm 350 pounds, 180 pounds or somewhere in between.  

I am getting married later this year, and while I don't want to do a crazy diet and take a bunch of "skinny" pictures at my wedding, only to balloon up again the next day, I would like to take myself to a healthier weight so my joints and body don't hurt as much.  The "unintended consequence" would be feeling more comfortable in a wedding dress.  At the end of the day, I remind myself not to hate my body, so I should be okay at this weight or 40 pounds lighter.  

Another fun thing that's happened in the last couple of years are night sweats.  Yeah.  I guess I'm at that age where all the fun aging stuff for women starts to happen.  By chance, however, while trying to rehab some thinning hair, I found a DHT blocker vitamin.  The night sweats went away immediately.  If I forget to take the vitamin, I sweat that night.  So, that's the one vitamin I won't miss for any reason.  I also have increased my protein and iron intake.  That seemed to help take care of the hair issue and the whole feeling exhausted thing.  This is life though, right?  As soon as you think you have everything figured out, something changes.  

For the last year, I have been seeing Facebook ads for the Yoga Body swing, so I finally ordered one.  I thought it would be nice to get upside down ("inversions are the fountain of youth" ~ Bel Jeremiah, former owner of Twirly Girls Pole Fitness).  It is not quite aerial hammock width (it is not wide enough for me to cocoon completely in it like I can a hammock), but it holds enough of me to be comfortable.  I just started using it this week.  Mostly I do a little strength training (holding the handles and trying to bring my knees to my chest), and a little stretching (tipping backwards so I can hang upside down, which leaves me prone to dog licks straight to the face).  I am finding that it is taking some time to get used to being upside down again.  My head felt like a grape that was about to explode the first time.  Now I'm able to hang upside down for a minute or so.  I just tip myself upright to rest for a few seconds, then I can go right back to it.  

Anyway, I hadn't done an update in a few months, so I thought I would post about my yoga trapeze.  Yes, I get it, everyone thinks its a sex swing.  I've heard all the jokes already.  But you can make anything sexual if you really want to.  This is set up out in my bonus room (yoga space/office), for my backyard neighbor to see if they really want to.  I'm thinking about getting rigging to hang it in the tree in the front yard.  That should get more neighbors talking!  Maybe I should be more concerned about it being in the background of my Zoom meetings, but I'll wait to see if anyone is brave enough to ask me about it.

I've been trying to find some good yoga trapeze classes on YouTube, but haven't found anything I love.  If you have any suggestions, please send me the links.  Thanks! 

Mobility

Mobility.  I'm losing mobility.  I feel old even saying that.  Today is one year since California shut down for two weeks to "bend the curve."  Friday the 13th was the last day I was in my office working a traditional "8-5," and California issued a mass quarantine order relating to the covid-19 pandemic effective Tuesday, March 17, 2020.  Also, today is the 17th anniversary of my weight loss surgery -- a journey that helped me lose 165 pounds.  

I have had so many surgeries in my lifetime.  Ten times, I have gone under anesthesia to allow a surgeon to cut into my body, sometimes having multiple procedures during the surgery.  Each cut is a scar.  Each scar locks my body down a little bit more.  You know, when my plastic surgeon did my "arm lift," he cut a "Z" into my arm pit.  This was so that I wouldn't lose the ability to raise my arms over my head.  Whenever I get a new massage therapist, even when I warn them, I feel them pause dramatically when they get to my lower body lift scar.  The scar itself is thin and well-done, so looking at it isn't all that exciting.  However, when you touch it, you can feel the thick scar tissue underneath.  It holds one part of my body tight, pushing gained fat into weird places my body normally wouldn't have carried it.  

The last year has been rough.  I've gained weight (with fat in places I've never seen it squish into before).  This is certainly not the highest post-gastric bypass weight I've ever been, but I'm not trying to make that a contest.  However, when I look at photos of myself from just a year ago, I can tell a huge difference (no pun intended).  In the world of loving your body, I know I shouldn't judge myself, but let's be real -- I'm judging myself (plus I feel like crap and everything hurts).  I'm not moving as much.  I'm consuming too much sugar.  My knees and hips ache.  My hamstrings are weak and short.  My calves are knotted.  My core is weak.  My mid-back hurts (if I'm being honest, so does my lower back).  I'm pretty sure I have a SLAP tear.  I shuffle like an old lady when I first stand up.  I couldn't squat without intense pain.  My hips are so tight, that thinking I could handle frog pose is a fun little joke I play on myself (which is a move I could do ten short years ago).  My new neck pain is sometimes unbearable.  I assumed it was my pillow and have tried all different brands.  I used the foam roller and a lacrosse ball for self-massage.  I saw a chiropractor and did all the exercises to strengthen my back, which was supposed to lead to less strain on my neck.  Didn't really help.  Finally, I saw a physical/massage therapist.  Her brand of massage is more therapy - what I imagine Thai massage might be like.  She contorts me into strange positions, then starts to work out the knots.  When I first walked into her office, she said, your chest is pulling your entire body forward!  She's right.  My shoulders and back round forward, toward all of those scars around my chest, arms and side, which is putting strain on my neck.  The two types of mesh anchored to my insides aren't helping either.  It all hurts.  All the time.  

2019

My running joke for years has been how I will feel like I'm doing the craziest, deepest backbend and someone will take a photo, and I will just be standing up stick straight.  In fact, I bought this little contraption that you can lay on that will give you a little back arch.  I figured it would be good to use if I'm going to be doing something like watching TV.  It has three levels.  Level 1 makes me feel like I'm doing a deep, painful backbend.  It causes maybe a two inch arch in my back.  Level 3 might kill me (I've never even tried it), but its hardly full wheel pose.  I have contraptions all over the house.  Foam rollers, yoga mats, straps, blocks, yoga wheel, neck traction hammock.  I even have a brace to wear to remind me to keep my shoulders back.  We just re-did the bonus room (i.e., my office and yoga room) so that I would have more room for my exercises.  All in the name of erasing pain.

Recently, I decided it was time to change up whatever I'm doing.  I purchased a physical therapy system.  It was designed to rehab a single certain injury.  I decided my entire body was the injury.  So I have some basic exercises I'm doing each morning to separately rehab my feet, hips, shoulders, hamstrings, knees, neck and back.  I also found a website offering mobility exercises (probably the first time I'm glad Facebook was listening to me complain since it showed up as a suggested ad).  It's called KaisaFit.  I have been doing those three times a week and am now going to subscribe to her entire site so I can have access to additional classes.  I'm still doing yoga with my favorite instructor, but I let myself get out of shape so I needed a little different care.  

2021

In November, I had a self-diagnosed LCL strain (knee), right before a big hike I had planned for Nature Goddess Adventures.  The pain was excruciating.  It killed me to cancel that hike, but I didn't have a choice.  I wouldn't have made a ten mile hike.  Shoot, I wouldn't have made it a mile.  Now only a few months later, I did a deep squat (all the way to the ground) without pain for the first time.  Sure, my heels pop up and I can't keep my feet as wide as I'd like, but I was able to squat.  That was a huge win for me.  I feel a little silly saying this but some days my exercises include things like: "sit on your knees."  I can't do it for long, but I can do it again.  I can also relax in child's pose (and am almost completely flat in pigeon on the right side).  I had continued yoga after my injury, but child's pose was painful (and I couldn't lay my chest on the floor in pigeon).  Now I am just back to regular stiffness during yoga, not pain.  They say (whoever "they" are) that one of the signs of how you're doing as you age is the ability to get up off the floor.  So I am on the floor all the time.  Nothing makes you feel older than saying one of your exercises is just getting up off the floor!  How am I facing this at the age of 44??  I faced the same question with my hip around the age of 33.  I thought I was going to be in a wheelchair by the time I was 40, but I completely cured myself (with help).  I can do it again.  Perhaps it is metaphysical, perhaps it's a real injury.  I need to do some soul searching to figure it out.    

Twice in the last few years, I have purchased those "do the splits in four weeks" or "be more flexible" types of programs.  In four weeks, I'm no closer to doing the splits than when I started, and I usually feel like I've pulled something (no matter how much I warm up beforehand).  I should know better.  I know my body.  Forcing it into weird shapes is never the right way for me.  My new programs are different.  More gentle.  And more appreciative of what my body can do instead of what it can't.  

The last year has been a lot (for everyone in the world).  There have been a lot of changes for me personally.  Yes, covid changed everything, but I bought this house and moved to suburbia.  I started working from home more often.  I was moving a lot less.  Maybe I'm happy in my relationship so I let myself get fat (also, all those people who said if you make more food at home, you'll lose weight, lied).  Maybe some of it is age.  But I wonder if this is how people get diagnosed with diseases like fibromyalgia.  Everything huts but there's no obvious cause for the pain.  I have been through this similarly before with my hip, although that was an acute pain and this is more like a general ache all over my body, especially in my knees and hips - they just kind of feel tired all the time.  I don't necessarily think it's my joints.  When I eat gluten, my hands hurt, and I believe that is joint pain.  The knees and hips are something else.  Generally, I can gauge inflammation by a psoriasis flare.  It is also an indication that I am stressed out.  But my skin looks okay right now, so that is confusing.  I also went through a minute of adult acne (I now believe it was related to wearing a mask, but I was worried it was hormonal), and that also caused some concern.  I've always had clear skin, so I get worried when issues pop up for no known reason.  I know I need to figure out what to balance to put my body back into homeostasis.  

January 2018

I sometimes wonder how I got to where I am in my life (like, how my body works).  Sure, we are born with certain limitations, but I believe most of mine were probably nurture over nature.  (The day after I wrote this blog, my friend Ellen sent a newsletter with a most fantastic subtitle: Genetics loads the gun, lifestyle pulls the trigger.)   I was the oldest child and took some weird mental responsibility for my family's well-being.  I was put on birth control at 15, which was probably one of the worst things that could have happened to my body.  Although I took on the chunky kid role around the time my parents split when I was 12 years old, I really gained weight after I started taking the pill.  Even worse, I stayed on it 24 years, completely messing up my hormones and my body's natural ability to regulate itself.  I preferred reading books over playing softball.  I took a job at 18 that causes me to sit all day, which has clearly blessed me with a shortened psoas.  I went to college and worked full time, choosing lots of fast food as my easy meal option.  I gained all that weight in my late teens and early 20's, leading to a decision to re-arrange my insides at the age of 27.  I then decided to have even more surgery to remove the sagging skin at the age of 30 (and multiple other times), which gave me all these scars.  I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if even one of those choices had been different.  My mom is thin and had knee replacements in her 50's, as well as hip replacements in her 60's.  Perhaps I was destined to have these issues, but my life choices contributed to the problem.

August 2018

Anyway, here we are.  Seventeen years after weight loss surgery changed my life (not necessarily for the better since lower weight doesn't automatically equal healthier body).  One year after covid changed it some more.  I've thrown around the idea of joining a program like Noom, or maybe even doing a cleanse.  I've already tried intermittent fasting with almost no weight loss (I thought giving up my morning sugary vitamin waters again should have given me something).  But I worry about what diet culture does to my mindset.  I know when I try to "diet" (i.e., concentrate on losing weight/count calories), I end up in a binge and a huge gain.  Instead of the number on the scale, I try to gauge my health by how I'm feeling (currently, like a sausage) and how my vitamin levels are (iron was low last year and it is time to get them checked again).  I'm currently taking tons of vitamins and recently added my protein shakes back into my meal plan.  My best bet is usually to "set it and forget it:" come up with a plan to make healthier choices and allow that to flow into my life.  I lost 35-40 pounds five to six years ago without counting calories.  I can do it again.  

I keep pondering how long I will keep up this blog.  I know I'm not writing much anymore.  I feel compelled to write on occasion just so it doesn't completely die (since I have been here for 11 years!), but I have no clue if the clicks I'm getting are real people still reading what I have to say.  I feel like, at one point, I was helping the cause, whether you were a plus sized poler, a gastric bypass patient, or just a regular person dealing with body issues.  Now I feel like I'm mostly using this like an online diary complaining about getting old, fat, and ugly.  Plus, I can tell Facebook hides my links in order to get me to pay for ads, which further lowers my audience reach.  So, if you're still out there reading these posts, feel free to leave a comment!  How's the last year been for you?  

I'm turning 10 today

No, not really, but kinda. On this date, ten years ago, instead of drinking beer for St. Paddy's Day, I was knocked out on the table having my guts rearranged. What have I learned in the last ten years? That my stomach wasn't the problem. It was always my brain. And that I wish I had taken care of that problem a long, long time ago. Food was my drug of choice until I could no longer eat, then I turned to shopping. When that was taken away from me four years ago, I turned back to food. So here I am, almost 80 pounds heavier than my lightest post-surgery weight, wondering how the hell I fucked this up.

HERE is my update from year nine.  I feel like nothing and everything has changed in the last year. I had my foot surgery and got out of a job I absolutely hated. I am fully aware of my issues, yet I can't make them go away. I continue to be at odds with half my family, and fully expect I will never speak to most of them for the rest of my life. Yet the thing that keeps bothering me most is the war I've waged up myself - upon my body. I have spent my entire life hating myself. I really wish I could make that go away.

I'm in a weird place in my life right now. I am unhappy with my appearance and lack of strength (working on it!!).  But I am stoked to be in new job with a healthier atmosphere. However, my boyfriend is interviewing for jobs that will move him out of the area. And his cat keeps pissing on all of my stuff (so then I may not be so sad he's going to move). I am trying to write for the PDBA and keep up on various projects. I have my own blog, which I'm not managing well. I am trying to teach at Twirly Girls, take classes and keep up the social media stuff for the studio. I also have other projects in the works. I could not have even guessed the mountain of work that would come with putting on NCPP. My weekend to-do lists are so long that I never get to everything, and yet I also don't get to relax so I don't get to rejuvenate before the next week is upon me. I don't know. I know I sound like I'm bitching -- probably because I am -- but I sometimes wonder why life is never easy for me. I guess I'm the one making it that way. 

So yes, in the ten years since I had gastric bypass, I have learned that food was never my enemy. I was always my own worst enemy. I'm almost 40 years old, so I certainly hope I can figure this out and end the war.

Thank you for being on this journey with me. It means a lot to know I have so many supportive friends in my life.

How does the lack of calcium cause bone spurs?

When I first heard I had a bone spur in my heel, the doctor told me it was a lack of calcium that caused them.  When I told other people that, they laughed at me.  Things don't GROW on your body when you LACK other things, silly girl.  So, then I thought maybe I misunderstood and bone spurs were from EXTRA calcium, so I did a little research.  

As many of you know, I had surgery to deal with my bone spur.  I am at four months out.  There has been little change since my three-month update.  My "good" foot hurts almost daily and my "bad" foot doesn't hurt much but is still swollen.  I am back to working out five to six days a week.  I have again recently confirmed with my doctor that bone spurs are from a lack of calcium, not an abundance of it.  So I decided to do a little more research (and by "research," I just mean I "Googled" it) to find out how bone spurs are formed.

Ice and rest after over-doing it

My assumption was that bone spurs were caused when calcium was somehow leeched out of the bones and then re-deposited when it had nowhere else to go.  I don't believe that is fully true, but the truth may not be so far from that.  Here is one explanation: 

"A heel spur is a hook of bone that forms on the heel bone, an X-ray will show a point of bone protruding from the bottom of the foot at the point where the plantar fascia is attached to the heel bone. The heel spur itself is not thought to be the primary cause of pain, rather inflammation and irritation of the plantar fascia is thought to be the primary problem cause by the tearing of the micro ligamentous tissue from the heal bone. The heel spur then forms because the body is trying to heal itself and has calcium deficiency. After the heel spur is formed and stress is placed on the plantar fascia from walking the heel spur just adds to the irritation and inflammation."

More interesting information:

"Researchers located the root cause. They found that calcium deposits are most common in women aged 35 to 65 – the group most prone to osteoporosis. Knowing that osteoporosis is primarily caused by calcium and mineral deficiency, they realized that two conditions share one cause.  Calcium and minerals are needed for every vital function of your body, from the pumping of your heart to cell division to DNA replication. If you’re not ingesting enough calcium to fuel these functions, your body robs your bones! This survival mechanism is the acknowledged root of osteoporosis, and now we know it causes bone spurs, too."

"Bone spurs are your body's cry for calcium and minerals. Ignore it – and you may become a prime candidate for osteoporosis, heart disease, cancer, arthritis, and more than 160 other degenerative diseases related to mineral deficiencies!" 

Information about absorption of calcium (and I don't know how to adjust for gastric bypass patients, but I assume we absorb even less):

The exercises and stretches help a lot

"Calcium is the most abundant mineral in the body, but it may also be severely lacking. The amount of calcium that we absorb from our food varies widely. One factor that affects this is age. An adolescent may absorb up to 75% of the calcium obtained from foods, while in adults the maximum absorption rate ranges from 20% to 30%. Even though our bones feel solid and seem permanent, they're just like any other body tissue - they're constantly being broken down and formed again. In an adult, 20% of bone calcium is withdrawn from bones and replaced each year. Thus, every five years the bones are renewed."

So there you go.  Bone spurs are most definitely caused by a lack of calcium, AND it appears that I may be at higher risk for osteoporosis.  I get blood tests every year and I don't believe my labs have come back showing I was lacking in calcium, so I'm not sure if the test is flawed or if my body needs more calcium than the average person.  That's a whole other issue I'm not prepared to deal with.  I remember being told not to "worry" about osteoporosis because fat people don't get it....frail old white ladies get it (I believe I was told this by my previous (two doctors ago) tiny Asian lady doctor, who gave me bad medical advice on many, many occasions).  Apparently all the weight my body bears just walking around on a daily basis is literally saving it from ever getting osteoporosis.  I'm not really sure that's actually true, although perhaps it is somewhat more helpful than being tiny.  

It does seem like the exercising I am doing is probably the best thing I can do for myself.  Yoga, spin and pole appear to be great exercises for strengthening the body and the bones.   

What old wives' tales were you told that you believed, just because you didn't know better?  How did you find out it might be wrong? 

Gastric Bypass, Pouch Size, Enlarged Stomas and Weight Gain

Before we start this post, I want to make sure everyone understands what happens to our guts during gastric bypass surgery.  I am going to post a photo I found on Google.  I know it's completely illegal but I am going to link back to their website so you can read up on their information as well:



This photo borrowed.  Please visit: http://www.njbariatricspc.com/bariatric-surgery-types/gastric-bypass-surgery-nj/

So your food travels down your esophagus and into your pouch for minimal processing before it passes through the stoma on it's way to your newly-attached intestine.  The purpose of bypassing some of your intestines is so you (initially) do not absorb all calories eaten (some reports state that this calorie malabsorption may only last a short time because of the body's amazing ability to adapt to "trauma").  In the long run, it also means you are not absorbing all of your necessary vitamins and minerals, which can cause other health issues. 

Most people believe that if you gain weight after you have had gastric bypass surgery, it is because you have stretched your stomach back out to it's old or "normal" size, thereby allowing you to eat more.  Most likely, however, you are either eating (grazing) too often throughout the day, or your stoma may have enlarged, which allows the food to just slide on through without spending much time in your pouch. 

From an article about understanding your pouch:

Our pouches will GROW over time. Yes, it's a living organ and your body tries to compensate for the rearranging we did to it during bariatric surgery and it will grow to help get in as much nutrition as possible. A mature pouch is anywhere from 6 ounces to 9 ounces in size... and can naturally stretch to hold up to 12 ounces of food at a time. A pouch reaches maturity at about the 2-year mark. By 6 months after RNY gastric bypass surgery your pouch has grown to about 2/3 of it's maturity level. Once you are a year out, your pouch is no longer 1 ounce in size ... it's more like 3 ounces or 4 ounces and can hold 6 to 8 ounces of food.

Studies have shown that the size of your pouch has very little to do with your overall success with weight loss. Your success has more to do with how well you follow your eating and exercise plan and how well you follow the "rules of the pouch."

Click HERE for some pouch rules.  Worried that your pouch has grown too much?  Click HERE for the cottage cheese test.  (I am now 9 years out...about two years ago, I did the cottage cheese test and found that my pouch was about eight ounces.)  For the fun of it, here's the link to a study called Pouch Rules For Dummies.

What happens if the stoma, the opening at the bottom of your pouch, enlarges, allowing your food to slide through faster, and leaving you hungry sooner?  I see ads all the time for gastric bypass revisions.  Often, those are fixes for an enlarged stoma (they generally aren't re-cutting your pouch to be smaller again).  A potential non-surgical option is listed HERE.  For an article about surgical revisions, click HERE.  For information about the non-surgical ROSE procedure, click HERE.

The purpose of this post isn't to list EVERY option available but to make everyone aware that weight gain can and does happen, that it isn't always "your fault," and that there is help available if you fall into certain categories.  For the most part, for those of us dealing with weight gain, we may have fallen back into old habits, or are dealing with health issues that make our metabolism slow down.  I certainly know why I have gained weight.  I am sensitive to medications, which affects my metabolism (meaning, I need to eat fewer calories to make up for it), and I am an all-day grazer, who uses food to deal with my emotions (meaning, I need more therapy).  Do you feel like your pouch may have stretched too much or maybe your stoma is enlarged?  And, have you figured out what makes you over-eat?  Tell me how you're doing and, if you've run into problems, how you're going about making them better!

My 9th Surgiversary

On March 17, 2013, I turned 9.  That is, my gastric bypass surgery, the supposed new beginning in life, was nine years ago.  Sure, my life has changed a lot.  For better?  For worse?  Who knows.

I spent my new-birthday doing what most 9 year olds would love to do...I went to Disneyland.  I had such a good time.  I will post some photos below. 

I am otherwise in a weird place mentally.  I don't really have much to say that I haven't ranted about already lately, so I will post some of my recent gastric bypass related posts, starting with my 8th surgiversary post last year (which links to other helpful posts):

http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2012/03/my-8th-surgiversary.html

Read about ulcers: http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2013/03/ulcers-after-gastric-bypass-no-no-list.html

Read about bone spurs and calcium: http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2013/03/bone-spurs-calcium-heart-attacks-and.html

I knew it wasn't the case but somewhere in the back of my mind, I guess I thought I'd have surgery and be thin, rich and beautiful.  Here I am, still working too much, still fat and not necessarily feeling very beautiful.  Happy new-birthday to me.  But thank you to Jimmy and Yolanda for a really, really fun Disneyland adventure, where I didn't think about it even once!  :-)

Uncomfortable topics no one wants to discuss after gastric bypass

After you have weight loss surgery, a lot of things will change.  Most of them will be positive changes, but there are a lot of possible issues that people don't like to talk about.  Everyone will have their own issues to deal with. Here are a compilation of issues I have either run into myself or have had my support group members bring up.

     1.     Relationships will change.  Prior to surgery, I attempted to pinpoint who might be a "problem" in my life.  Post-surgery, I was wrong.  People I expected to be jealous were very supportive.  Others I didn't foresee being a problem caused a lot of drama in my life.  After you lose a lot of weight, relationships with significant others, friends and family will change.  Many people accused me of becoming a bitch after I lost weight.  I just realized how many people were using me and started standing up for myself. 

     2.     You will feel hunger again.  Many people believe they will never feel the sensation of hunger again.  The feeling will return.  The timeframe is different for everyone.  For me, it took a year or so.  For others, its right away.  The feeling can be scary for some of us.  For me, an empty stomach was almost painful, even though I wasn't in any real pain.  So learning that its ok to feel a little hungry was important.

     3.     Therapy should be a requirement.  Most of us don't actually ever feel true hunger.  We eat constantly to avoid that feeling.  But we feel "head hunger."  We generally over-ate for emotional reasons.  The surgery will not fix this.  I strongly suggest therapy to every single person who has weight loss surgery. 

     4.     Vitamins are more important than you think.  If you have gastric bypass specifically, vitamins are extremely important.  We are malabsorptive post-surgery and won't get our vitamins from food.  You should have blood tests every single year.  Here are the blood labs I still have my doctor run every year:  CBC; serum iron; serum folate; liver panel - AST, ALT, Alk, Phos, Tbili, direct bili, albumin; B12; serum calcium, electrolytes and cholesterol panel.

Here are some other posts on the subject.

http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2011/11/taking-care-of-ourselves-in-gastric.html

http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2011/04/vitamins-and-gastric-bypass-surgery.html

The only update is that this year I was found to be anemic so I do take iron on a daily basis now.

     5.     Constipation hurts.  No way around this one.  It's an uncomfortable subject but it's one I wish someone had warned me about.  Take a stool softener earlier rather than later.  The pain is unbearable.  I now add whole ground flax seed to my protein shake, which helps with the issue. 

     6.     Your hair will fall out.  But you won't go bald.  Get your protein and vitamins in.  If you are really worried, you can use a shampoo like Nioxin.  But mostly just change your hairstyle, wait it out, and your gorgeous hair will return. 

     7.     You will deal with weight gain at some point.  We all do.  Some have bigger issues than others with it.  But we will all come to a point where the surgery is no longer "working" for us and we have to do it on our own.  When it does happen, take care of it when its only five pounds.  Don't wait until its 20, 50 or 100.   

     8.     Exercise is key.  I should have made this number one.  The minute you can get out of the hospital bed, start exercising and never, never, never ever stop. 

     9.     Addiction transfer is very real.  You ate for a reason.  When you can't eat anymore, you may pick another bad habit.  Alcohol.  Shopping.  Be aware of it and refer back to Item Number 3.

http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2010/03/pick-your-poison.html

http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2010/07/swapping-problems.html

     10.  Support groups are a life line.  Some people come to a meeting or two and then think they don't need a support group.  Other people stop going once they gain a little weight.  They are embarrassed or think they have failed.  But that's exactly when they should be asking for help.  

http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2011/04/gastric-bypass-support-group.html

http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2011/10/bari-buddies-walnut-creek-weight-loss.html

     11.     Plastic surgery is your choice and only you can decide if it's right for you.  It's a choice I made.  I didn't like feeling like a Shar-pei.  I also feel like it is what helps "keep me honest."  Gaining weight once everything has been tightened hurts. 

http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2011/04/hurt-like-bitch.html

******

Here is a post I wrote in March 2011 on my 7th surgiversary, which lists all of my gastric bypass blogs for the previous year.  http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2011/03/i-am-seven.html

Here is another post about a book that might be helpful.  http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2011/02/habits-of-successful-weight-loss.html

Weight loss surgery (gastric bypass, lap-band, gastric sleeve, etc.) is a tool.  I've heard many, many statistics about how many people actually keep their weight off after surgery.  None are very encouraging.  Most say that a lot of people only maintain 50% of their weight loss at five years out.  That's depressing to me.  That also tells me that a lot of people are not taking surgery very seriously.  Be smart and work your program as hard as you can so that you can be a successful weight loss surgery patient. 

*Day 10 of 30 day blogging challenge*

Understanding your own limitations

When I saw Lulu's article earlier this week, I immediately sent the photos and videos to Bel and said, "if Lulu is doing these moves, there's no reason I shouldn't be strong enough to do them too!"  It might sound like I'm putting Lulu down, but I'm not.  I already know that being overweight doesn't mean you can't be strong.  But I am always so focused on what I *might* or *should* be able to do in the future when I *hope* to lose a few pounds.  I weigh the same as Lulu, so maybe there is hope that I can stop waiting for the future to get here and just get my ass on the pole and do them now. 

Bel mentioned that Lulu has an extensive background in cheerleading and gymnastics.  Of course that is obvious as you watch her bust out the splits like they are nothing.  I am nowhere near doing the splits.  I don't have the flexibility.  That has nothing to with weight.  That just means I'm not bendy.

Bel also mentioned how she (Bel) used to be able to do pull-ups.  Then she had shoulder surgery and could no longer do them.  She's still strong, but something is "mis-firing" or not connecting.  She brought up all of my surgeries and the scars that zig zag all over my body.  My surgeon had to cut through all kinds of muscles and tissue and nerves.  Perhaps some things will just never connect properly again.  I don't want to use this as an excuse not to keep trying.  But I also want to be realistic and not expect things of myself that I may never be able to do.  I was not a super active kid.  I didn't really take dance classes or gymnastics, so my body doesn't have old muscle memory of back bends and splits to go back to. 

You can read about my plastic surgery adventures HERE.

Let me try to describe my scars to you.  One starts at the inside of my left elbow.  It runs up my inner arm, to my arm pit (with a z carved in to avoid tying my arms down to my sides), then down the side of my body (through the "bra overhang area") to a half-circle under the fold of my left breast.  I have a matching long scar on the right side.  Since I had a breast lift, there is a line from the scar that goes under my breast up the middle to my nipple.  My nipples were removed and sewed back on, giving my breasts the classic lift "smiley face." 

Due to the lower body lift, I have a scar that encircles my entire body -- around my hips.  Then I have a scar that goes from my pubic bone up to between my breasts.  If I wear a low enough cut shirt, you can see the top of that scar.  My surgeon re-arranged my abdominal muscles in that surgery. 

I also had an inner thigh lift, which seems to be my most limiting scar.  It starts in my bikini line at the front and goes down and around to my butt.  It is almost like I'm wearing a pair of scar underwear.  Of course, I have that scar on both the right and left sides.

So that is a lot of scar tissue that could be limiting me.  Maybe just my flexibility, maybe in how my muscles reconnected and now fire.  It took almost two years for me to get the feeling back in my left forearm and I wasn't even cut in that area!  It also took a long time for the feeling in my hips to come back and I still have many "dead spots."  I may never fully know what the issue is.  Keith of Tri-Valley Bodyworks does still keep me walking when my body wants to fail, and has worked extensively on releasing my scars. So I will walk a fine line between working toward the moves I want to do and understanding some may not be available to me.

In the meantime, I will keep setting my pole goals and, if/when I hit roadblocks, I will find ways around them!

*Day 3 of 30 day blogging challenge*

Body image

This week, Natasha Wang wrote a great blog about body image.

What you see in the mirror…

When I was in Wellington, New Zealand, I had a rehearsal session at a studio called well, The Studio. Like any dance studio, The Studio has massive floor-to-ceiling mirrors in which students can check and correct their form, make sure their toes are pointed and lines perfect.

Scribbled on one side of The Studio’s mirrored wall were choreography notes for The Studio’s students who were competing in the New Zealand Pole Championships 2011, Andre Wotton and Mei.

But scribbled on the other side was a list of corporal punishments for pole ‘misdeeds’ — flexed feet gets you 5 push-ups or a 10-second plank, while the more severe ‘I quit’ gets you 10 push-ups and a 20-second plank. But the real punishment is incurred when a student makes an anti or negative body statement. This gets you 100 press ups or a 5 minute plank!

[Read the rest of the post and see photos at the link below...]

http://natashawang.com/?p=705
 
Don't miss the PUNISHMENT LIST, which Natasha received from Shirley Jones of The Studio in New Zealand.

*****

I usually have a lot of negative self-talk.  I'm in this weird place.  I'm 70 pounds heavier than I was 7 years ago.  But I'm still 100 pounds lighter than I was 9 years ago.  I'm definitely 50 pounds heavier than I need or want to be.  I'm in a lot of pain from whatever is wrong with my hip...more pain than I ever dealt with at 350 pounds.  At 6 feet tall and 250 pounds, saying I'm a "big girl" isn't necessarily me talking badly about myself -- its the God awful truth!  Maybe everything is about adding a marketing spin.  I see Shrek.  Bel sees a Viking Warrior.

Except, I don't always see Shrek.  Sometimes, I DO see the Twirling Viking Warrior.  Sometimes, I see a gorgeous girl.  Sometimes, I see an ugly girl.  Sometimes, I see a fat girl.  Sometimes, I see a strong girl.  Sometimes, I see a tired girl.  I'm 35.  Why did I just call myself a girl?  Oh, because in my mind, I'm not five years away from 40.  There are so many different sides of me.  And my brain never seems to know which one I am.  Maybe I am a different one each day.  As I'm trying to dance gracefully on the pole, I am the hippo ballerina.  As I'm shoving jellybeans in my face, I'm just the hippo.

I am trying to cut down on the negative self-talk.  But it's hard.  I get so frustrated with my crazy brain and the things it wills me to do -- like eat food I don't need.  I keep beating myself up because I am thinking, what if I had taken care of this weight gain when it was 10, 20, 30 or even 40 pounds?  Now at 50 pounds, I feel hugely fat again and hopeless about losing that much weight.  I've already had gastric bypass surgery.  What's my "magic pill" this time?  There is no magic pill.  There never was.  Even gastric bypass wasn't a walk in the park or a free ride by any means.

So I will continue to take this day by day.  Watching my food intake and working out as diligently as possible.  I will continue with pilates, yoga, pole and silks.  I will continue to battle myself over the cardio that I know I need to do.  But I know I can do this.  In fact, I have no other options.  I will not be a gastric bypass failure.  And I will do the pole tricks that I've been enviously watching the other girls perform.

Here is my pole goal:  There will be at least one invert in my Lovely Rita routine in April 2012.  I have less than six months.  LET'S DO THIS!

Taking care of ourselves in the gastric bypass world

The first real person I knew who had gastric bypass surgery was my friend, Melissa Donald.  This was almost 10 years ago.  Lately, she's been facing some issues and I have asked her to write a guest blog about them as a reminder that, as gastric bypass patients, we always need to remember that we've been altered:

I was always the chubbiest kid in school.  It didn’t really bother me because I was also usually the smartest.  The kids might not want me on their kickball team, but everyone wanted to sit next to me in the classroom.

It was a system that worked for me.

By 2000, I was in my early 30’s, happily married with a great career.  I also weighed about 500lbs.  I did not really have any co-morbidities – no diabetes, no high blood pressure and I had not blown out a knee or my back.  

In July 2002, I started preparing for surgery in earnest.  I switched to a post surgery diet and started losing weight.  I also got my first Cane Corso mastiff as a walking companion.  My first walk with him was to the end of my front lawn before I was out of breath and sore.  I weighed somewhere north of 525lbs.

In January 2003, I had RNY gastric bypass surgery.  I was a poster child for the surgery.  I was ostensibly healthy, I had no side effects, I became obsessed with walking my dog and going to the gym.  I lost 39lbs in the first 13 days after surgery and continued to lose at a great clip for six months.

My body just stopped losing weight at 6 months, even though I continued to shed inches as I exercised more.  My lowest recorded weight was 299.5 lbs.  Given where I had started, I was very pleased with the result.

I never found a supplement/vitamin regime that I could stomach (literally and figuratively).  Pills of any sort make me sick.  Always.  I also didn’t worry about it because my lab work was always well within normal range.

I maintained my weight loss until 2008, when my mom died.  Slowly, my weight crept up – a pound here, a pound there.  In 2009, my 18 year marriage ended and in early 2011, I had to put my dog (exercise companion, best friend) down.

For the first part of 2011, I thought I was in a funk.  I was exhausted, sore, unmotivated, and the weight kept creeping up.  I had gained close to 50 lbs and I did not have the gumption to do anything about it.

In July I finally went in for a routine physical and asked my PCP to call in lab work ahead of time so we could talk about the results at my appointment. The day I did the lab work, I started getting frantic calls from the lab asking me if I was OK and if I needed an ambulance.  It turns out that my blood count was so low (5.9, when low-normal is 11.5) they were sure I was not standing upright.  I spent the next day in the ER getting blood transfusions while everyone fussed around me, determined that I was bleeding internally.  I however, spent my time in the ER with my phone googling reasons for low blood counts.  The light bulb went on that this was all related to my surgery and malabsorption.

I spent the next several months arguing and fighting with doctors who wanted to perform every invasive test possible. Even though I told the doctors that pills of any sort make me sick, their “answer” to my problem was to take toxic levels of iron and feel nauseous all the time) I finally went outside my insurance and paid out of pocket for a holistic doctor who took one look at my test results and said “They did not test for the right things…why is there no test for B-12 or vitamin D?”.

End result…I am severely B-12 and D deficient.  Ironically, this is one of the most common health issues for women in their 40’s AND gastric bypass patients.  It maddens me that given the fact that I am a female gastric bypass patient in my 40’s and it took my diligence (and frankly, fear of needles since they next invasive test scheduled was a bone marrow biopsy), to get to the root of the problem.

I spent three months feeling nauseous and not getting well because the doctors would not listen to me.  Once I was properly diagnosed, I was able to start getting well.

In the last two months, I have had 7 iron infusions and have started a regimen of liquid supplements that 1) taste good and 2) don’t make me sick.  I have gone back to the gym (first time back to the gym I lasted for 7 minutes – I am now up to almost an hour of cardio).  I have lost 14 lbs, the dizzy spells have passed and my blood work is “almost” normal.

So, what is my point, you ask?  Well, whether you have “side effects” while you are still in the hospital or it takes 8 years for them to show up, the health issues WILL present at some time and we must be ready for them.  And,  no one can advocate for us better than we can.  If I had not done my own research, gone outside my insurance, and advocated for what I KNEW the problem was, they would have continued to poke me with needles and do a bunch of testing and I would not be well on my way to good health.  

I will never regret having the surgery.  It quite literally saved my life.  I will also never again be in a situation where I expect some medical book to know more about me than I know myself.  And… if anyone reading this gets  their Vitamin D and B-12 checked and can avoid what I have dealt with, it will be worth it.

Bari-Buddies: Walnut Creek Weight Loss Surgery Support Group

Our little gastric bypass/weight loss surgery support group is really growing!  It is so exciting.  I know a lot of people, like myself, had surgery in San Francisco or other areas far away from their home and can't make it to support group meetings, so it's nice to have a local group of people.  I am also really excited that a couple of people have found the group through my blog.

We meet once a month -- the first Tuesday of each month from 6:00 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. at John Muir Hospital in Walnut Creek, California.  We welcome pre- and post-op patients.  We have gastric bypass, lap-band and gastric sleeve patients in attendance.  There is no cost to attend.  You can also bring friends and family for support.  In fact, we encourage it! 

Please join our Bari-Buddies group on Facebook for more info.  Even if you aren't local, we share recipes and other fitness or health related advice for weight loss surgery patients. 

https://www.facebook.com/BariBuddies

http://lolorashel.blogspot.com/2011/04/gastric-bypass-support-group.html

See you next month!

Did she or didn't she?

I'm sure we'll never know if Kirstie Alley actually had weight loss surgery...but my attitude is that the only other way to lose weight THAT fast is drugs...so you might as well cop to the surgery. But to each his own!  Having watched poor Carnie Wilson also fight her battle so publicly, maybe people have learned not to share so much!

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/wow-kirstie-alleys-dramatic-weight-loss-2552882/#photoViewer=10

Wow! Kirstie Alley's dramatic weight loss

• by Jessica Ashley, Shine staff, 2 hours 35 minutes ago

Kirstie Alley, who has struggled with yo-yo weight gain and loss for years, is showing off a body 10 sizes smaller after a lot of hard work. The 60-year-old actress strutted the runway during New York Fashion Week -- 100 pounds slimmer! – at her designer friend Zang Toi’s show.

Inspired by her physically demanding "Dancing With the Stars" stint, Alley has gone from a size 14 to a size 4. Before her appearance on the show, Alley said she visualized one day fitting in a size 4, and now she does.
Today, Alley's confidence is contagious, and she says she feels much more comfortable in her body. "I feel like I'm back in my element," Alley told Entertainment Tonight. "I honestly didn't even realize what I looked like."

Her hard-won metamorphosis is not tempting her to take things further. No plastic surgery for the former “Cheers" star. "I haven't had plastic surgery but here's the reason: People do plastic surgery to make you look younger," she said. "I don't think it makes you look younger. I think it can make you look weirder."

Once 228 pounds, Alley saw the scale go up and down a lot and got to the point when she stopped looking at it altogether. After a 15-month hiatus from weighing herself, she finally stepped on a scale. What she saw, she said, was shocking.

"I started screaming," she told People in 2009. "It said 228 lbs., which is my highest weight ever. I was so much more disgusting than I thought!"

At that point, Alley had already lost 75 pounds during her tenure as a spokesperson for Jenny Craig, then gained that weight (and more) back.