Confessions of a Twirly Girl

Thursday, October 28, 2021

52 Hike Challenge

In January, I saw people on social media talking about a 52 hike challenge for 2021. I figured I could handle one hike per week, so I jumped on the band wagon. I started the year strong, getting hike 1 on January 1 and hike 2 on January 2.

Despite some injuries throughout the year, I have successfully had at least one hike every month. I have done 35 hikes total. However, with only about 8 weeks left in the year, I need to fit 17 hikes in to hit my 52.

I have done a lot of local hikes -- the Black Diamond side of Contra Loma is a favorite dog-friendly, off-leash hike. I have been to Devil's Slide on the coast, and Little Yosemite in Sunol. I hiked up north at McCloud Falls. I have been down south (well, Bay Area south) to Uvas Canyon. I hiked around the Salt River in Arizona. I did Diamond Head in Hawaii. I have walked over and around the Golden Gate Bridge. I have done the Burney Falls loop. I tried the Cleo's Bath hike in Pinecrest. I did Alamere Falls, as well as Lands End in San Francisco. I really have seen some of the most beautiful outdoor locations in our area this year.

So what's a "hike" to me? It is outdoors (obviously), with some hills, and at least 2 miles (although I had a couple of hikes fall slightly short). I have hiked a total of 125 miles this year. My shortest hike was 1.5 miles (Burney Falls loop). My longest hike was 8.5 miles (Alamere Falls). Choosing a location can be difficult. We had A LOT of 100+ degree days over the summer, which made local hikes dangerous. However, driving two hours to the coast every single weekend to get my hikes started to become overwhelming. Plus, the coast is usually foggy in the summer. The gorgeous views are usually best in Fall. A lot of coastal hikes (especially on my favorite Mt. Tam) are not dog-friendly. And I now have a dog who knows when she is being left behind, so I have a little guilt when I leave for a hike without her.

I have gone through my calendar and set a fairly aggressive hiking schedule to get myself all the hikes I need to hit my goal. Weather-permitting, I should be able to get them in before the end of the year. It will require a double-up of hikes pretty much every week, but I know I can do that. On Saturday, in fact, I will be heading to Walnut Creek to find a hidden labyrinth. I have to get in a hike tomorrow after work, and probably one on Sunday as well.

If you have any favorite hikes, let me know! Even if I can't fit it in this year, I am already setting my hiking schedule for next year!

Thursday, October 14, 2021

Nature Goddess: Lands End Hike

Last weekend, Jade and I braved San Francisco during Fleet Week to do the Lands End hike. This hike is one of my favorites. Although there are some stairs, this is a fairly flat and easy hike. If you go at the right time (i.e., not summer when the fog is the worst in the mornings), you have gorgeous views of the ocean and Golden Gate Bridge for the majority of the time you're on the trail. And you can hike a mile, or you can wander into the multi-million dollar neighborhoods and continue your exploration. My ultimate goal is to hike from the Lands End/Sutro Baths point to the Golden Gate Bridge. My understanding is that you have to walk through neighborhoods, down to the beach, then back up onto the trail, to make it happen, so it will be a little more challenging. I believe it is about 4.5 miles one way.

I park at the lot near the Lookout Visitor's Center. It is right past Ocean Beach (if you're coming from the south), and the former Cliff House restaurant (which closed last year due to lease issues), at the lot that overlooks the Sutro Baths. I prefer this lot because there have been an increased report of break-ins in the area, and I feel like it's a busy lot with enough people around to (hopefully) deter the criminals. The lot fills up pretty early, so I would suggest you start your hike by 8 AM (or go in the afternoon when it might be less crowded). 10 AM seems to be the busiest time.

Once you're on the trail, there are so many options. As discussed above, you can get right on the trail and head out for as far as you'd like. You can take the stairs down to the Sutro Baths to explore the remains of the buildings. You can just go chill by the Cliff House and hope for a view of dolphins or whales. Jade and I got lucky the first time we hiked here and got to see dolphins from the window of the restaurant (we had breakfast before the hike because rain and 50 degree weather was not the biz...). It's a beautiful place with a mix of ocean and trees against the Golden Gate backdrop.

This trip, we got right on the trail at 8 AM. It was Fleet Week and I had looked up the schedule for the Blue Angels, only to find that activities were running 10 AM to 4 PM. My goal was to see the Blue Angels from the trail. Technically, the show is on the other side of the Golden Gate in the Marina District, but they fly over the Golden Gate, so I knew we would get to see it as well. We wandered down the trail, and even into the neighborhood to oooh and ahhh at some of the gorgeous ocean-facing homes. Eventually, we turned around because my hope was to see the jets flying through the Golden Gate. As we walked back, we took a side trip to a cliff that overlooks the ocean. It would have been the perfect place to see the Blue Angels. Except...their show didn't start until later in the afternoon. The generic schedule I got didn't tell me exactly when they were flying. In fact, no one was flying until almost noon. Since it was only about 10:30 AM, we decided we wouldn't wait another hour or more to see planes. However, while we were excitedly waiting for the show to start, we got to see whales in the ocean. At first I thought it was a pack of sea lions, but they had blow holes and they moved more like whales. It was pretty cool. I always hope to see something like that on my ocean-front hikes, but it is pretty rare it actually happens. It definitely made the trip that much more special.

There are a couple of cut-outs with benches along the trail, which are nice for breaks, a snack, or just to take in the views. The trail is dog-friendly (which has been difficult for me to find lately). Although, my dog really does better off-leash, so dragging her away from every other dog or awesome smell she needed to check out wasn't all that fun. Many dogs we ran into were off-leash. I couldn't trust my dog there since she will chase a squirrel over a cliff without a second thought. Our hike ended up being about 4.5 miles.

If you're looking for a San Francisco hike, this is my number one pick. I had scheduled the Lands End to Golden Gate hike last Thanksgiving then ended up hurting my knee, so I canceled. Now that my six month long run of injuries are healed, I think maybe it is time to reschedule so I can make it in for this year's 52 hike challenge.

Thursday, September 16, 2021

Nature Goddess: Alamere Falls Hike

I did the Alamere Falls hike, on the Point Reyes National Seashore, in July 2019. Roundtrip, the hike is 8-1/2 to 12 miles, depending on your route. There are a couple of scrambles that require a little faux rock climbing, a ton of poison oak, but lots of gorgeous views. It is about a two hour drive for me, ending in a long rocky dirt road, with little to no cell service (so download your All Trails maps, and maybe print out some paper maps). You really have to get there by 8 AM if you want parking, so that means leaving the house by 6 AM.

When Jade and I started talking about doing the hike again, I was slightly worried because I am carrying around some of that covid weight, but I was participating in the 52 Hikes Challenge this year, and at that time, was on par to complete a hike every single weekend. I felt strong. I had rehabbed some knee issues. I was ready. Then I wasn't. I don't even know what happened, but I went almost two months without much hiking, and the weekend loomed. We pushed it out once, but decided Labor Day weekend was time to make it happen. It was my 32nd hike for the year, and we clocked about 8-1/2 miles using my new Apple Watch (I accidentally turned it off early in the hike, so that's why I don't have the exact mileage). I am currently off-track for hitting my 52 hikes for the year, but who knows...maybe I'll put some doubles in over a few weekends and get back to it. I have been extremely tired lately, and it is hard to get up and go hike in 100 degree heat. Many coastal hikes I would love to do are not dog friendly, and it is difficult to look Belle in the face and leave her behind when she knows I'm going on a hike (she watches me pack the car and judges me harshly when she thinks she's being left at home).

I remember the last hike being extremely hot (for the coast), the trail was packed (we started later in the morning), and parking was full so we had to park down the dirt road and walk in. Ness, Ant, Jade and I logged over 10 miles on that trip. This trip, Jade, Steph, and I got there early, and the walk actually seemed faster and easier. We were almost surprised when we turned the corner and saw the rock arrow for the shortcut out to the coast.

The shortcut requires you to walk through some pretty closed in areas with a lot of poison oak (leaves of three, let it be!). I really don't suggest you do it unless you are fully covered -- long pants and sweatshirts. I have never had poison oak and, knock on wood, hope to keep it that way. I understand it gets worse each time you are exposed to it. We saw some people trying to do it in shorts, and I really hope they didn't end up with some itchies and scratchies. Note that the shortcut is NOT the official trail, so if you are a stickler for rules, you'll want to spend the extra couple of miles walking past the shortcut to the campground, down to the beach, and back up to Alamere Falls. If you did this roundtrip, you'd add about four miles to your hike. You really have to keep an eye on the tides, though. High tide often traps people on the beach, and no one wants to be the beach rescue that didn't know how to watch the tides.

Once you're through the poison oak lined tree tunnel, the two scrambles down to the mid-way point to the beach (which has several beautiful falls to view, and plenty of space to sit and eat lunch) weren't terrible. I find as I get older (or maybe my fall at McCloud Falls in May scared me), I'm a little more nervous when I hike steep spots, and I carry at least one hiking stick on every hike now. When we arrived there were maybe only three other groups on the flat. It was essentially empty (last time, there were easily 100 people hanging around). By the time we left, everyone else had shown up, so I definitely encourage people to go early if you want some peace and quiet.

The falls were also interesting because they had watercress floating on top of the water. Anywhere we had seen water last time, had greenery on it this time. It was beautiful but I understand watercress is actually an invasive species, so I wonder what is making it grow now.

We sat and ate our lunch, then Steph and Jade decided to brave the steep scramble down to see the official Alamere Falls from the beach. I peeked over and decided I didn't want to chance not being able to get back up. Although the tide was going out so it was safe, I knew that it would add two miles to my hike if I wasn't able to climb back up, and had to walk down to the campground to get back to the main trail. In fact, while I was up top exploring while Jade and Steph were on the beach, I watched a group trying to help a woman of about my size down the rocks. It was a slow process, and she was clearly terrified, so I knew I had made the right decision. Maybe I'll shed a few pounds, gain a little more strength, and try next time we do this hike.

After Jade and Steph were done exploring the beach and falls, they climbed back up to the mid-section where I was, and we returned to the trail. I was surprised when I had to use more upper body strength than I remember to get up the middle scramble. If all these words (scrambles, etc.) are confusing, its like minor rock climbing. You definitely need to be able to pull yourself up a little, but you have enough room to wedge your body, or leverage yourself, so it's not as bad or scary as it sounds. I was feeling it the next day. My upper body was sore. I should do some push-ups and pull-ups or something before we go again.

The walk back was fairly uneventful. We had talked briefly about stopping at one of the lakes we passed on the way in, but it was colder this time, and there looked to be a lot of poison oak around the path, so we just continued back to the parking lot. We could hear a lot of people yelling and swimming. I know the algae blooms are dangerous right now, and those lakes are pretty green, so that would have made me nervous too. The walk back definitely seemed longer than the walk in. I was tired and sore, plus the walk always seems uphill both ways. The trail was filled with more people as it was later in the day. The entire hike, including our exploration time, was about five hours.

Alamere is one of those touristy type hikes. Again, if you're looking for peace and quiet, either go early, or at least not on a weekend. I would advise against hiking alone. Although this trail doesn't have a lot of turn offs were you can get lost, I've been listening to a lot of podcasts about hikers going missing in National or state parks (Park Predators and Missing 411). I've always felt safe hiking alone, but maybe I've just been lucky so far.

I turned 45 the week before this hike. I have been struggling with some weight gain and covid depression lately. I deemed this year my year to get healthy (yet again). So my hashtag is #45more. I don't care about the pounds as much as how I feel. And I know that some of the exhaustion is just being overwhelmed by the state of the world. But I keep plugging along and I know things will be just fine. Everything always ends up working out.

If you've ever hiked Alamere Falls, I'd love to hear about your experience! You can leave a comment below.

Monday, July 26, 2021

Twirly Turns 16!

Last year, I posted about Twirly Girls being sold (in the middle of a pandemic no less), and reminisced about the previous ten years of being a Twirly Girl. As of last month, California is open for business again, and Grace and Rosanne couldn't let July pass without throwing a Sweet 16 party for the Twirly Tribe. I think it has been over two years since I have stepped foot in the studio. I had a self-diagnosed SLAP tear to my right shoulder. It happened in pole, but I also think certain poses in yoga helped contribute to it not healing (I never went to the doctor as I figured they would only offer exercises or surgery, and I could look up the exercises myself).

Earlier this year, I posted about a loss of mobility. Weight gain. Age. Depression (covid-related). Time. Scars. Exhaustion. Pain. Sometimes just pure laziness. These are some of the things getting in the way of my being "in shape." I successfully rehabbed a self-diagnosed LCL strain to my right knee last year, only to fall in May on my left knee (causing me to think it was actually broken), which led to another hyperextension (swelling and major pain in the LCL/IT band area) of the right knee in June. This led to about three months of very gentle yoga (nothing on the knees, so mostly seated poses). I noticed my SLAP tear pain went away. However, last week, I visited Twirly and did all of two pole sits, along with returning to "real" yoga. Guess what -- that SLAP tear burn is back in my shoulder. Between shoulder and knee issues, my commitment to staying off the pole is renewed. I look fondly back on my pole days, but am definitely having to leave that in the rear view mirror. The Twirling Viking Warrior has officially, and fully, retired.

It was, however, awesome to be in the studio, seeing people I haven't seen in a year or two. The remodel is beautiful. It looks like a completely different space, while still feeling familiar like home. I am so happy that Twirly will live on. I took my 6 year old nephew and 2 year old niece with me -- and told them we were going to circus school. They had a blast. In fact, my nephew told me he loved it more than me but not to be upset because it was just different. We explained to Tyler that people who climbed to the top of the pole got to put their dollars on the wall. He got to work figuring out how to climb. When he got to the top, he put his dollar with mine. The Twirly torch has been passed.

Thanks for the stroll down Memory Lane, Grace and Rosanne! The studio is gorgeous!

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

Mobility

Mobility. I'm losing mobility. I feel old even saying that. Today is one year since California shut down for two weeks to "bend the curve." Friday the 13th was the last day I was in my office working a traditional "8-5," and California issued a mass quarantine order relating to the covid-19 pandemic effective Tuesday, March 17, 2020. Also, today is the 17th anniversary of my weight loss surgery -- a journey that helped me lose 165 pounds.

I have had so many surgeries in my lifetime. Ten times, I have gone under anesthesia to allow a surgeon to cut into my body, sometimes having multiple procedures during the surgery. Each cut is a scar. Each scar locks my body down a little bit more. You know, when my plastic surgeon did my "arm lift," he cut a "Z" into my arm pit. This was so that I wouldn't lose the ability to raise my arms over my head. Whenever I get a new massage therapist, even when I warn them, I feel them pause dramatically when they get to my lower body lift scar. The scar itself is thin and well-done, so looking at it isn't all that exciting. However, when you touch it, you can feel the thick scar tissue underneath. It holds one part of my body tight, pushing gained fat into weird places my body normally wouldn't have carried it.

The last year has been rough. I've gained weight (with fat in places I've never seen it squish into before). This is certainly not the highest post-gastric bypass weight I've ever been, but I'm not trying to make that a contest. However, when I look at photos of myself from just a year ago, I can tell a huge difference (no pun intended). In the world of loving your body, I know I shouldn't judge myself, but let's be real -- I'm judging myself (plus I feel like crap and everything hurts). I'm not moving as much. I'm consuming too much sugar. My knees and hips ache. My hamstrings are weak and short. My calves are knotted. My core is weak. My mid-back hurts (if I'm being honest, so does my lower back). I'm pretty sure I have a SLAP tear. I shuffle like an old lady when I first stand up. I couldn't squat without intense pain. My hips are so tight, that thinking I could handle frog pose is a fun little joke I play on myself (which is a move I could do ten short years ago). My new neck pain is sometimes unbearable. I assumed it was my pillow and have tried all different brands. I used the foam roller and a lacrosse ball for self-massage. I saw a chiropractor and did all the exercises to strengthen my back, which was supposed to lead to less strain on my neck. Didn't really help. Finally, I saw a physical/massage therapist. Her brand of massage is more therapy - what I imagine Thai massage might be like. She contorts me into strange positions, then starts to work out the knots. When I first walked into her office, she said, your chest is pulling your entire body forward! She's right. My shoulders and back round forward, toward all of those scars around my chest, arms and side, which is putting strain on my neck. The two types of mesh anchored to my insides aren't helping either. It all hurts. All the time.

2019

My running joke for years has been how I will feel like I'm doing the craziest, deepest backbend and someone will take a photo, and I will just be standing up stick straight. In fact, I bought this little contraption that you can lay on that will give you a little back arch. I figured it would be good to use if I'm going to be doing something like watching TV. It has three levels. Level 1 makes me feel like I'm doing a deep, painful backbend. It causes maybe a two inch arch in my back. Level 3 might kill me (I've never even tried it), but its hardly full wheel pose. I have contraptions all over the house. Foam rollers, yoga mats, straps, blocks, yoga wheel, neck traction hammock. I even have a brace to wear to remind me to keep my shoulders back. We just re-did the bonus room (i.e., my office and yoga room) so that I would have more room for my exercises. All in the name of erasing pain.

Recently, I decided it was time to change up whatever I'm doing. I purchased a physical therapy system. It was designed to rehab a single certain injury. I decided my entire body was the injury. So I have some basic exercises I'm doing each morning to separately rehab my feet, hips, shoulders, hamstrings, knees, neck and back. I also found a website offering mobility exercises (probably the first time I'm glad Facebook was listening to me complain since it showed up as a suggested ad). It's called KaisaFit. I have been doing those three times a week and am now going to subscribe to her entire site so I can have access to additional classes. I'm still doing yoga with my favorite instructor, but I let myself get out of shape so I needed a little different care.

2021

In November, I had a self-diagnosed LCL strain (knee), right before a big hike I had planned for Nature Goddess Adventures. The pain was excruciating. It killed me to cancel that hike, but I didn't have a choice. I wouldn't have made a ten mile hike. Shoot, I wouldn't have made it a mile. Now only a few months later, I did a deep squat (all the way to the ground) without pain for the first time. Sure, my heels pop up and I can't keep my feet as wide as I'd like, but I was able to squat. That was a huge win for me. I feel a little silly saying this but some days my exercises include things like: "sit on your knees." I can't do it for long, but I can do it again. I can also relax in child's pose (and am almost completely flat in pigeon on the right side). I had continued yoga after my injury, but child's pose was painful (and I couldn't lay my chest on the floor in pigeon). Now I am just back to regular stiffness during yoga, not pain. They say (whoever "they" are) that one of the signs of how you're doing as you age is the ability to get up off the floor. So I am on the floor all the time. Nothing makes you feel older than saying one of your exercises is just getting up off the floor! How am I facing this at the age of 44?? I faced the same question with my hip around the age of 33. I thought I was going to be in a wheelchair by the time I was 40, but I completely cured myself (with help). I can do it again. Perhaps it is metaphysical, perhaps it's a real injury. I need to do some soul searching to figure it out.

Twice in the last few years, I have purchased those "do the splits in four weeks" or "be more flexible" types of programs. In four weeks, I'm no closer to doing the splits than when I started, and I usually feel like I've pulled something (no matter how much I warm up beforehand). I should know better. I know my body. Forcing it into weird shapes is never the right way for me. My new programs are different. More gentle. And more appreciative of what my body can do instead of what it can't.

The last year has been a lot (for everyone in the world). There have been a lot of changes for me personally. Yes, covid changed everything, but I bought this house and moved to suburbia. I started working from home more often. I was moving a lot less. Maybe I'm happy in my relationship so I let myself get fat (also, all those people who said if you make more food at home, you'll lose weight, lied). Maybe some of it is age. But I wonder if this is how people get diagnosed with diseases like fibromyalgia. Everything huts but there's no obvious cause for the pain. I have been through this similarly before with my hip, although that was an acute pain and this is more like a general ache all over my body, especially in my knees and hips - they just kind of feel tired all the time. I don't necessarily think it's my joints. When I eat gluten, my hands hurt, and I believe that is joint pain. The knees and hips are something else. Generally, I can gauge inflammation by a psoriasis flare. It is also an indication that I am stressed out. But my skin looks okay right now, so that is confusing. I also went through a minute of adult acne (I now believe it was related to wearing a mask, but I was worried it was hormonal), and that also caused some concern. I've always had clear skin, so I get worried when issues pop up for no known reason. I know I need to figure out what to balance to put my body back into homeostasis.

January 2018

I sometimes wonder how I got to where I am in my life (like, how my body works). Sure, we are born with certain limitations, but I believe most of mine were probably nurture over nature. (The day after I wrote this blog, my friend Ellen sent a newsletter with a most fantastic subtitle: Genetics loads the gun, lifestyle pulls the trigger.) I was the oldest child and took some weird mental responsibility for my family's well-being. I was put on birth control at 15, which was probably one of the worst things that could have happened to my body. Although I took on the chunky kid role around the time my parents split when I was 12 years old, I really gained weight after I started taking the pill. Even worse, I stayed on it 24 years, completely messing up my hormones and my body's natural ability to regulate itself. I preferred reading books over playing softball. I took a job at 18 that causes me to sit all day, which has clearly blessed me with a shortened psoas. I went to college and worked full time, choosing lots of fast food as my easy meal option. I gained all that weight in my late teens and early 20's, leading to a decision to re-arrange my insides at the age of 27. I then decided to have even more surgery to remove the sagging skin at the age of 30 (and multiple other times), which gave me all these scars. I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if even one of those choices had been different. My mom is thin and had knee replacements in her 50's, as well as hip replacements in her 60's. Perhaps I was destined to have these issues, but my life choices contributed to the problem.

August 2018

Anyway, here we are. Seventeen years after weight loss surgery changed my life (not necessarily for the better since lower weight doesn't automatically equal healthier body). One year after covid changed it some more. I've thrown around the idea of joining a program like Noom, or maybe even doing a cleanse. I've already tried intermittent fasting with almost no weight loss (I thought giving up my morning sugary vitamin waters again should have given me something). But I worry about what diet culture does to my mindset. I know when I try to "diet" (i.e., concentrate on losing weight/count calories), I end up in a binge and a huge gain. Instead of the number on the scale, I try to gauge my health by how I'm feeling (currently, like a sausage) and how my vitamin levels are (iron was low last year and it is time to get them checked again). I'm currently taking tons of vitamins and recently added my protein shakes back into my meal plan. My best bet is usually to "set it and forget it:" come up with a plan to make healthier choices and allow that to flow into my life. I lost 35-40 pounds five to six years ago without counting calories. I can do it again.

I keep pondering how long I will keep up this blog. I know I'm not writing much anymore. I feel compelled to write on occasion just so it doesn't completely die (since I have been here for 11 years!), but I have no clue if the clicks I'm getting are real people still reading what I have to say. I feel like, at one point, I was helping the cause, whether you were a plus sized poler, a gastric bypass patient, or just a regular person dealing with body issues. Now I feel like I'm mostly using this like an online diary complaining about getting old, fat, and ugly. Plus, I can tell Facebook hides my links in order to get me to pay for ads, which further lowers my audience reach. So, if you're still out there reading these posts, feel free to leave a comment! How's the last year been for you?

Wednesday, December 9, 2020

Pandemic Burnout

Never lose your sense of humor

Two weeks to bend the curve! Or was it three weeks? I don't remember. That was ten months ago. And we are still here, in the United States (California specifically), being ordered to stay home so that covid-19 patients don't overtake our hospitals...again. I guess we are finally in the predicted second wave.

I've had a hard time vocalizing how I've felt recently. 2020 has been amazing to me. I bought this house. I have an amazing relationship. I live close to my family, and I still see them on a regular basis (so I am not isolated). I have a job (even if I am furloughed one day a month), which allows me to work at home, but also allows me the autonomy to go into the office if/when I choose.

But 2020 has also kicked my ass. I am exhausted. I have gained some weight. I am eating decently, but I am definitely not moving as much as I used to, so my body hurts. Working at home is nice, but then there is no separation between home and work. Breaks aren't real breaks. They mean time to do dishes or laundry. I don't take an hour lunch anymore. I just eat at my desk, continuing to do work, because why not? I'm not commuting but I feel like I have less time, not more. I still can't seem to find time to do a lot of the spiritual woo-woo stuff that I used to do on a daily basis. No card pulls. No journal writing. No full moon rituals. I just can't pull it together. Why?

I was listening to a podcast a couple of weeks ago and they gave it a name: pandemic burnout. Our adrenals are essentially shot because we don't know what's going to happen next so our bodies are just constantly in stress-mode.

I am on social media (probably a bad idea) watching the world fall apart. Businesses are failing, and people are (or will soon) lose their homes. There is no real guidance. Politicians are making all of these seemingly arbitrary rules, some that change on a daily basis, while they are privately doing whatever they want to do. Unemployment has run out for many, or was never offered to some, yet people are being fined for trying to keep their businesses open. It is appalling that we as a society aren't being allowed to take care of ourselves, but also can't rely on the government that is telling us that we cannot work.

In California, some counties (like the one I live in) are setting more strict health orders than the state, but then expect already-overloaded city police departments to enforce these constantly-changing rules. No one can keep up. The district attorneys aren't prosecuting many "petty" crimes, and a lot of criminals aren't being taken to jail because they don't want to bring covid in. Yet people just trying to run their businesses so they can feed their families are being threatened with citations. It's sick.

Our government has failed us. You can blame Trump or your governor, but all of these politicians have failed. People are losing homes and businesses. They are telling you that you can’t work and feed your families. They aren’t giving money to the people who need it (but are happily approving claims for people who don’t qualify). They think a one-time payment of $1,200 was helping, when all it did was create more debt for the country to dig out of. The government is broken. You can pretend things are going to change in January but they aren’t. These people aren’t smarter than you. Many of them are decades in and have been part of the problem for the entire time. If they didn’t work for the government, they likely wouldn’t qualify for a job that even pays into the six figures. They aren’t taking pay-cuts. They are still visiting their families and getting their haircuts.

I kept hearing that we are destroying the economy for a virus with a 99.9% survival rate. And I thought, that can’t be right. So I looked it up. According to the CDC, that’s right. If you are young, it’s a 99.99% survival. If you’re over 70, it’s a 99.5% survival rate. We aren’t even to the hard part. In California, there’s a moratorium on evictions for covid affected people. But they still owe all that money. And what if the landlord loses the house in the meantime? What happens then? It’s trickle down. In another year, when this all comes due, we are really going to feel the effects of what is happening right now. For a virus. With a 99+% survival rate. The end of the world is seemingly here. And it certainly is not our government who is going to take care of us.

My belief is that adults who want to work should be allowed to work so they can feed their families. Those who have compromised immune systems should be the ones who stay home and safe. Sure, wear the masks and social distance, but if the government cannot afford to pay everyone to stay home, they should expect people will do what they need to do to feed their families. These small businesses being targeted with fines are not getting rich off this pandemic. They are just trying to survive. Please explain to me how walking through Walmart is safe but shopping at a small mom and pop shop is not.

Now, I am also not stupid. I know why these large companies are allowed to stay open. They are the ones providing the jobs. But mega corporations thank the government for putting their smaller competition out of business.

I'm not smart enough to claim I have any answers, but I do know that what we've been doing isn't working. Anyway, this wasn't meant to be a rant. I just realized I hadn't checked in since the summer, and it was probably time to say hello. Apparently, I needed to get all of that out. I hope each of you are coping better than I appear to be. I am here if you want to share your story.

Thursday, July 16, 2020

Becoming a Twirly

Lovely Rita 2010

This morning I woke up to an Instagram post requesting OG photos from Twirly Girls alumni. Share your #TwirlyThrowback photos for Throwback Thursday! I started going through the ten plus years of photos and took a walk down memory lane...

Bel, the owner of Twirly Girls Pole Fitness, recently passed the Twirly Torch to Grace and Rosanne, who re-branded as Twirly Tribe Studio (I believe this is the final Bay Area studio to be turned over to the younger generation). During a pandemic no less, while "gyms" aren't allowed to be open. I know Bel has been ready to retire and hoping to find the right person to take over for awhile. Grace mentioned the recent flood in the studio had Bel in tears, and made her want to step up and do for Bel what she has been doing for years -- taking care of us. And, as I know from experience, it really does take a tribe to take on these types of endeavors. Finding the right partner is key -- and Rosanne seems like the perfect match for Grace.

I started thinking this morning about what Twirly Girls has brought into my life. I wanted to chronicle every cool thing that's ever happened to me related to Twirly or pole dance. I realized this would be a 27 page blog that no one would read. I've had this blog for over ten years. It has almost 900 posts (I once tried to order one of those hard copy books of your blog and it was going to cost me thousands of dollars, so I had to let that dream go). You could spend weeks reading through my already chronicled adventures. So I'll hit some highlights to celebrate Bel's 14 years as the legit OG TG, my life as a pole dancer, and to create a warm send off for the amazing adventure Grace and Rosanne have ahead of them.

Grace cooling me off

My first class at Twirly Girls was with my friend, Rita (yes, THE Lovely Rita!) on December 2, 2009 (you can read about the lead up HERE if you want). The short answer to how we ended up there is this: I heard a radio show interview with instructors from S-Factor. They had a studio in San Francisco. I took one class there in early 2009 but it was really difficult to get to and I couldn't spend my entire Saturday going into the City every weekend. Later that summer, a friend mentioned she had received an email from Pleasanton about a pole studio opening up. We all decided we should go. Initially, we had a group of four or five planned. When it was time to go, it was only Rita and me. We had the best time laughing and being silly. It was a class that literally changed my life.

I started this blog in January 2010 to chronicle my journey and met my then-online (now real-life) friend, Heather, who was a poler and blogger (check out a post about Heather HERE). I didn't really expect it to lead anywhere. I just thought it would be nice to keep everything in one place. Ten years later, I have almost 900,000 views. Not earth shattering numbers or anything but pretty decent for someone who wasn't trying to get famous with a blog. I started interviewing pole celebrities for my blog (and later did video interviews for The Pole Dancing Shop). I was a board member of a pole blogger association. I was the self-proclaimed pole ambassador and started visiting studios all over the Bay Area (and California). I started teaching my class at Twirly Girls in 2012, Boys, Girls and Twirls, which brought Robert -- aka cowboywild -- into my circle. That story almost requires its own blog. Long story short, watching Robert come out of his shell and start to use pole dance as a fundraiser via Twirl for a Cause has been extremely rewarding. (HERE is a post about Robert's 2013 show.)

Photo by Liquidpulp Photography - Rita, Bel and me

Being a Twirly also brought me to Marisa and Chunky Girl Comics (I am pretty sure it was Twirly Girl Jenelle who tagged me in the post where Marisa was looking for someone to cosplay as one of her characters). It was also Twirly Girls that gave me the confidence to walk around in my underwear for Chunky Girl events and faux drag performances. (You can read about our attendance at Comikaze HERE.) I have multiple blogs about Chunky Girl Comics and, again, I could write another one specifically directed at how much my life has changed from meeting Marisa and being introduced to Chunky Girls.

In 2010, Bel started a fundraiser called Lovely Rita to raise money for the National Kidney Foundation (as Rita is a three-time kidney transplant recipient). (You can read about our first Lovely Rita HERE.) We did that fundraiser for nine years! These fundraisers got me out of my comfort zone and performing. I was never an amazing dancer or performer but I always had fun. We used to have Andrew (aka Liquidpulp Photography) do these epic photoshoots at the studio (in fact, my first meeting of Grace was at one of those photoshoots). One of my favorite shoots was a calendar we did with Andrew to benefit the Lovely Rita fundraiser. It brought the whole studio together.

Pole dancing at Twirly introduced me to hundreds of people. I started going to events -- Pole Con in Los Angeles and Pole Expo in Las Vegas. Guys, I've seen Jenyne Butterfly perform in person, met Timber Brown before he was on America's Got Talent, saw Kenneth Kao JUMP between poles live, and I was at the show where Jamilla's flying shoe almost killed a photographer! I watched "beginner" competition moves start at a then-shockingly impressive ayesha or jade split and work up to a mind-blowing fonji. I wrote for multiple pole magazines and websites. I attended pole competitions and showcases. Bel nicknamed me the Twirling Viking Warrior. I started using "pole dance is for everyBODY" and promoting pole for plus sized dancers (I still have a group on Facebook dedicated to plus sized polers). I met my East Coast plus sized counterpart, Roz THE DIVA Mays. I met Amy Bond, who introduced the idea of Northern California Pole Presentational, which I took to Ellen, which turned into six shows (wow, so overly simplified, but if you know me, you know how much of my life was devoted to this for almost eight years...you can read my wrap-up after the first show HERE and my farewell after my final show HERE).

2017 Birthday surprise

I don't even want to mention the names of people I've met and who have influenced me for fear of leaving anyone out (I mean, I need a whole other blog about Kate and Volare Variety!!). Lifelong friendships were forged (shout out to Ginger who has taken me to multiple surgeries and recently helped remodel my kitchen!!!!). The connection to one of my closest friends, Jade, happened because we were both on an online website for pole dancers, and I introduced her to Twirly Girls. We bonded one day when we were both at a Twirly Girls clothing swap. I remember once being at lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in years. We were eating outdoors in San Francisco. She had heard about the pole dancing and my writing, and asked if I was famous. I said, not even close. Not five minutes later, I heard someone yell from across the street: "Is that Lori from Confessions of a Twirly Girl?!" A fellow Twirly, who had read my blog, ran across the street to give me a hug. And I could not convince my friend that was a fluke. I got a good laugh out of it.

I got into pole dancing when it was...how best to word this...socially acceptably brand new (the true OGs started in the strip clubs and did the leg work, no pun intended, in the late 1990's and early 2000's to bring pole to the mainstream -- but I have a whole blog series about that if you want to read them). In 2010, I had a list of every known pole event in the world, and every studio in the United States. I essentially KNEW (or at least knew of) almost every pole dancer in the US, and probably even the world (there were only like five plus sized polers, and maybe three pole bloggers). I knew everyone at the first Pole Expo. It only took a couple of years before there were so many people, I could no longer keep up. Pole dance was trendy. It was supposed to burn out in a year or two. Yet now they're talking about putting it in the Olympics. I'm part of pole history.

Lovely Rita 2017 with Jade and Alana

Twirly has seen me through some bad break-ups, and the birth of most of my nieces and nephews. Twirly has been there as I've purchased a new home and transitioned from Walnut Creek socialite to Brentwood suburbanite (I went from happy hours to watching Baby Shark; #AuntyLife). Good times or bad, someone from Twirly has been there. I've always felt like Twirly gave me a purpose in life. I often felt lost or unimportant -- never knowing where I was supposed to be or what I was supposed to be doing. I had a career. That was fine. But there had to be more. Why was I put on this earth? Helping other humans find their self-worth and heal their body image issues became my purpose, and that started with becoming a Twirly Girl.

After years of abusing my body and having way too many surgeries, I hung up my stilettos last year (which I could never walk in anyway). You can read that post HERE. The thing is, you can stop pole dancing but you never stop being a Twirly. Bel created an environment where people felt loved and supported. New people would comment constantly that they loved how Twirly Girls felt like a family.

Anyway, like I said, I could go on for pages and pages about what Twirly Girls, now Twirly Tribe, means to me. I am excited for Grace and Rosanne to continue the legacy. Who could have known where I would be ten and a half years after a single introductory pole class? Forget the six degrees of Kevin Bacon. I have the six degrees of Bel and Twirly Girls -- which has spider'ed into thousands of connections, both online and in real life. Thank you to Bel for providing a safe place for me to grow as a person, and learn how to love and appreciate my body at the size it is. Thank you for the adventures. Thank you for being part of my life journey. I love you all!

If you have any Twirly memories you'd like to share, please feel free to comment on this blog or head over to the Confessions Facebook page to add your photos and memories!