October Blog Hop 2: The Sanitization of Pole

So last week, I participated in the October blog hop by saying, ooooh yeah I'm all over the "sexy" part of pole.  Woohoo!  Take yer shirt off, show me whatcha got!

Then I started reading other people's posts and leaving comments.

Then I felt like a total hypocrite.

Yes, I support dancers being sexy, I support myself being sexy, [whispers] but only in front of certain audiences.  I don't want my boss to find my Bringing Sexy Back Week video!  Sure, I want to put on my stripper heels and short-shorts, but, you know, not in front of my mom.  

Three years ago, my very conservative mom came to pole class with me.  You can read about that adventure in full HERE.  While she attempts to support me, and seemed to have fun in class, I can tell she is not running to her friends to proudly announce her daughter teaches pole dance (or has been published in print magazines on said subject, even though I think it is pretty effing cool). 

Last November's blog hop also talked about coming out of the pole dance closet, which really is touching upon the same subject.  How safe do you need to feel with someone before you tell them that you pole dance?  With certain people, you need it to sound a little more "clean" than with others.  I "came out" to one of my new bosses almost immediately when I started this job a year ago.  One of my other bosses still has no clue.  In her case, it's not that I don't think she can handle it...she's just a person who shares no personal information about herself so I do the same in return.  I have told a handful of my co-workers.  One co-worker, when I was still fairly new here, pranced by my desk and giggled that she knew my secret.  Apparently the recruiter who got me this job was telling people about my past-time.  I was actually really furious.  I felt like it was no one's business to tell anyone else what I did for fun.  At the same time, I'm supposed to be a loud and proud pole dancer, so who cares if she knows?  Anyone who Googles my name probably doesn't have to search long to find the Viking Warrior. 

Anyway, so the reason I feel like a hypocrite...  Yes, I'm a loud and proud pole dancer.  I don't generally care who knows what I do.  Yet I have two Facebook profiles.  When I first started blogging about pole dance and working with a social media company, I thought maybe this could become a business and I friended a lot of pole dancers on Facebook.  My real life friends and family were getting kind of lost in the shuffle.  I also posted a ton of pole dancing articles and photos.  It made some people uncomfortable.  So, I kicked most of them off my page.  Facebook is for fun.  I don't need to be judged by people who can't handle my pastime.  Then one day I found out my uncle had moved to another state.  No one ever bothered to tell me.  So I started up a second (illegal!!) Facebook profile.  I added family and friends (and some co-workers) who might not appreciate how busy my page is.  I call it my boring profile.  I really don't post a ton on that page, but I do also use it to participate in some HAES and fat acceptance groups.  The funny part is that, after a recent issue in the family, I kicked them all off that page too, so now I have only a few family members on either Facebook profile.  Oh well, at least I don't have to see a bunch of conservative stuff on my feed constantly.  I also realize that Facebook doesn't make real-life relationships.  So if my family had any interest in having a relationship with me, they would make an effort off of Facebook.  They don't (and neither do I), so I imagine I will never see most of these people again.   

Last year, I was working with some attorneys on a joint seminar for the local bar association.  We were using Drop Box to share documents.  I was also working on a potential pole council with some other dancers.  We were also using Drop Box.  Oh yes, I Drop Boxed pole documents to the attorneys, and it took me a LONG TIME to figure it out.  I realized one night that I couldn't find my pole documents and eventually figured out what happened.  I quickly moved them into the proper folder, thinking no one would have bothered to look at those documents.  At the next conference call with the attorneys (AND A JUDGE), someone says, so uh what about this pole dancing stuff...  Oh man, the cat is out of the bag.  I explained what I did for fun and they all laughed and we moved on.  That could have seriously gone sideways on me professionally, but they were all very good natured about it.  I felt like this was a sign that pole is becoming more accepted.  

I recently met with a woman who might have a business opportunity for me.  As I was leaving, I mentioned I teach a "dance class."  I froze even as the words left my mouth.  Wait!  I'm not ready to come out to this person yet!  She said, oh yeah I wanted to ask you what kind of dance you teach!  I'm thinking, she must have Googled me, because that question seemed to be in the chamber already.  I didn't hesitate:  I teach pole dance!  I was waiting for the uncomfortable silence, but she said, oh I took some classes in Colorado!  I was so relieved.  Then I was sad that I had to be relieved.  It does make me realize that there is still a stigma attached to the industry, so people make snap judgments.  But it almost made me realize that I don't want to work with people who aren't able to accept me as a whole person.  So I am actually relieved that the subject came up early in our relationship.  

Everyone has to decide for themselves when they are ready for others to know they pole dance.  I don't necessarily think that means that pole needs to be sanitized for the masses.  However, I do believe that as more people accept pole, and it becomes more mainstream, it may sanitize itself in the process. I'm still not sure how I feel about that. 

Are you careful with who you tell about pole dance and do you think it will have to be "sanitized" in order to go mainstream? 

Don't forget, this is a Blog Hop!  Read other blogs on this exact subject HERE.  

October Blog Hop: Stripping the Stripper out of Pole Dance

This month, the Pole Dancing Bloggers Association is talking about the sanitization of pole dance.  This Trick or Treat blog hop marks the first anniversary of our blog hop!  I feel very fortunate to be surrounded by so many talented pole dancers and writers!  Happy birthday to us!

So back to the topic at hand...I have written on this subject many times before and thought this might be a good time for a recap! 

Way back in March of 2010, I weighed in on the debate about pole in the Olympics.  The push was (and still is, for some groups) to remove the "sexy" from pole in order to make it more palatable for the general population and the Olympics.  My response was, and still is, "meh."  I don't really care if pole dancing makes it into the Olympics.  I now understand what a great undertaking it will be to even have it considered.  The Olympic Games are chosen YEARS in advance, and although there is a group working hard to make it reality, it will probably be another 12 to 16 years before it could even be a possibility.  So, the people who would most likely be competing in the first Olympics to include pole, probably aren't even born yet. 

In February of 2011, I discussed stripping versus pole fitness.  I mostly list other blogs which have discussed the topic, but my general feeling is this:  "...for me to look down on stripping and call myself only a pole fitness enthusiast would be almost disrespectful to the roots of my sport.  I have said on many occasions that if I had a better body and a little more rhythm, I wouldn't be opposed to making some money as a stripper!"

Only a month later, the topic came up again.  Mostly I discuss with myself the reasons that stripping automatically turns into prostitution in some people's minds.  Do all strippers have to get sucked into the dark side of drugs and prostitution?  I had only one person respond to my questions, and I'd love to get more opinions on the subject.

In January of 2012, we were discussing the stripper versus pole dancer debate...again.  In it, I mention my foot in mouth syndrome, and it is where I realize I cannot make everyone happy.  Some people are okay with pole dancing being sexy.  Some people are not.  One of my favorite quotes is from Claire of The Pole Story:  "If for some reason, the idea of your dancing being connected to the strip club scene is upsetting to you, if you desperately need to distance what you do from what those 'other girls' do, if you truly believe that you are doing this because it’s just a really good workout, then I strongly suggest you spend some time thinking about why you chose pole dancing.  Because there are a million ways to get fit without putting on six inch stilettos, a bikini and swinging sensually around a pole." 

The winning quote of the day, though, came from Shimmy's blog:  "It's completely normal that not everyone will like what you do. As the pole movement gains momentum, and new skills are created, it's going to get harder and harder to impress people. People will become more discerning, and competitive. Sometimes, people will comment on other people's style of dance as a way of defining their own style. An example of this is a traditional 'sexy' pole dancer saying she doesn't like contemporary pole, or a former ballerina saying she hates body rolls and hair flicks. What they're really saying is that they've adopted a particular style as their favourite way to pole dance, to the exclusion of other styles. That's ok too - there's room enough in the pole world for many different ways of pole dancing, and it's quite exciting to see new styles develop and change."

In February of 2012, Twirly Girls was asked to perform for a local radio show.  The show later accused one of our girls of being a "bitter stripper" after she was a little defensive in answering their questions.  I didn't want her to feel attacked but part of me thought, "Who cares if she was a stripper, bitter or not?!  It doesn't make her any less of an amazing pole dancer."  I struggled then, and sometimes do now, to make sure I don't force my own opinions on everyone else:  "I don't want to disconnect from my pole community either.  If it is offensive to some to be called a stripper, am I belittling them by telling them to get over it?  On the other hand, do we owe it to the 'pole fitness' community to explain to the general public that there is a bit of a difference between stripping for dollars and taking classes at a pole fitness studio?  Granted, I like working out and feeling stronger but I really enjoy putting on 'stripper heels' and cute clothes too."

"It seems like a lot of the negativity and disharmony comes from WITHIN our own pole dancing community. Some spend so much time debating the words we should use to describe what we do -- and even more time judging other dancers in the industry.  I think we need to first band together, then we can worry about what the outsiders think."

And, finally in June of 2012, I wrote about the difference between "pole fitness" and "pole dancing."  I also discussed the World Pole Sport Championship, which is part of the push to get pole into the Olympics.  "I feel like pole fitness competitions or showcases usually leave the six inch stilettos out.  They seem to be more tricks/contortion-based.  And I feel like pole dancing competitions should encompass the beauty of the dance, sexy or not, and may or may not include shoes (perhaps this is where the difference between pole art and pole exotic might come in)."

For me, I love the art and the dance.  I also love the strength and flexibility required.  I love Chinese pole, contortion and acrobatics.  I love ballet and jazz and the interesting dance pieces that are being showcased lately.  I love the costumes, crazy make-up and hair styles.  I love the shoes, but I love barefoot dancers too.  I love that women dance.  I love that men dance.  I love it all.  So, be sexy or don't.  Be sexy this routine and not the next.  I think what makes pole amazing is the ability for each performer to bring their own personality to each and every routine.  Also, some of the most memorable routines for me were ones that never won the competition.  However, they were interesting to watch -- some sexy, some not.  Be different.  Be interesting.  Be you.  That's what makes a great pole dancer. 

Sorry this was a long one, but this is a debate we will probably have to endure for the rest of our lives.  How do you feel about being sexy in pole dance?  

To read other blogs on this topic, please click HERE.