Negative Self-Talk: Crushing Pole Dancer Dreams Since 2009

This month's blog hop is about five things you should never say to crush a pole dancer's spirit.  Well, considering the only person who crushes my spirit is me, I am going to write about five things we shouldn't say to ourselves.  I am also giving a shout out to Pole Geek, who already wrote a great post on things you should never say to a plus-sized poler, and who used her last item to talk about negative self-talk.

1.  I can't do the same moves as everyone else, so this is pointless.  It's true.  Not every person can do every move.  Some people are stronger.  Some more flexible.  Some more fluid.  That's what makes us all interesting.  If we were all doing the same moves in exactly the same way, pole dance (and life) would be boring, and we'd already be done with it.  Find something you can do well and build around that.  Maybe it is a move -- I can do handstands, which really makes people cheer for me.  Maybe you are insanely fluid.  I remember a girl coming into class one day and she was saying she dropped out of a show because she could only do pirouettes well and she couldn't pirouette for an entire routine.  Maybe not but I get dizzy doing a pirouette, so I find them awesome to watch.  I bet she could start with some dizzying pirouettes and go into some other moves easier than she thinks.  But do yourself a huge favor and don't compare yourself to the rest of class.  We are all good at something!

2.  I can only make it to class once a week, so clearly I'm never going to get better at this.  Well, while it is certainly true that the more you practice, the better you will most likely become, you have to ask yourself why you started pole dancing in the first place.  Are you trying to compete or participate in high level showcases?  Then, sure, you should be practicing more often than once a week.  Are you exploring a new type of movement and enjoying the benefit of exercise?  Then there's nothing wrong with coming to class once a week.  I don't know about your class, but my weekly pole class wasn't just about exercising.  It was about seeing friends, laughing and enjoying the mental release that comes with closing my eyes and dancing.

3.  I'll try pole once I've lost five (ten...twenty...fifty) pounds.  If I waited for weight loss to do anything in life, I'd truly never do anything.  Get out there and try things now.  The best way to get strong for pole dance is to try it (notice I didn't say the best way to lose weight for pole dance...).  I have very literally spent my entire life worrying about my weight.  Drink Slim Fast, drop 20 pounds in a week.  Weight Watchers, yo-yo up and down.  Even after gastric bypass, I have been as low as 180 pounds (extremely slim for my frame) and have crept back up to 260 pounds (and have been every weight in between).  If I only did fun things during the times that I felt like I was thinner or was at least losing weight, I would have wasted most of my life.  I'm over that.  I get that there may be physical limitations based on what I weigh (I think zip-lining has a 250 pound limit, but I didn't enjoy zip-lining anyway), but for the most part, if I want to do something, I go do it.

4.  I can't wear those tiny shorts.  Okay, then don't.  But after the first class of sliding around in your yoga pants, you won't be able to wait to get into some shorts.  Our very first aerial move (called a sliding prayer) requires a little skin and stick.  Pretty much everyone who tells me they don't want to wear the short-shorts is in them by class 2 or 3 (and I would say the majority of them are looking for shorts in the lost and found before their first class is even over).  One thing I learned in my class is that no one is looking at me or my cottage cheese thighs.  They're all too worried about themselves!  So bring your yoga pants but make sure you have some shorts hidden in your bag.  Trust me, you'll thank me later!

5.  I can't pole dance because my family and friends will think I'm a whore.  The stereotype is still there.  I still get the lifted eyebrow when I tell some people that I pole dance (however, more often I get the "holy shit, that is so cool, when can I come try it" reaction).  So I am careful about who I tell (not always something I reveal on the first day of a new job).  I realize that my personality is pretty gruff.  I don't take a lot of shit from people, I don't waste time with people who aren't worth my time and I generally don't care what people think about me.  That's actually not true.  I do somewhat care what people think, but I am grown up enough to know that what they think about me says more about them than it does about me.  And I remind myself of that when dealing with many, many, many, many people in my life.  The pole dancer in me says, who cares if pole dance came from the strip clubs?  Mind your business.  The real-life-job-holding-religious-family-having person in me realizes it's never just that simple.  Pole dance certainly isn't for everyone.  But I would hope that you would try a class (and encourage the haters to join you) before passing judgment.  Because most of the haters I've brought to class can't use their arms the next day and have a new-found respect for pole dance.

Can you think of some soul-crushing things you've said to yourself during your pole dance journey?  Please share them below in the comments!  Also, please read the other entries in this month's blog hop!

December 2014 Blog Hop: My Year in Photos!

It has, once again, been a crazy year.  Here are some highlights.  Sorry, I couldn't just pick one photo to represent each month and I'm sure I missed a bunch of things because I got tired of downloading photos.  And, since my life isn't just about pole, I really did include everything I did.  Enjoy!

...

Dangerous Curves III

This weekend is the third annual Dangerous Curves, a celebration of plus size pole athletes, created and hosted by my friend, Roz THE DIVA Mays.  Roz has been a cheerleader for plus sized athletes in pole dance since the birth of modern pole and I appreciate all the love and support she gives me so I try to give it right back when I can.  I cannot be in New York this weekend (but am hoping this is a trip I can make next year, either as a spectator or maybe even as a competitor!!!?).  However, if you ARE in New York, please check out the show and give me a review! 

If you need more incentive, my loves at the Pole Dancing Bloggers Association are giving away a free ticket!!  Click THIS link for more information.

I encourage everyone to support the shit out of Roz and Dangerous Curves!  Please check THIS link if you're in New York and want to purchase tickets! 

Confessions of a Pole Show Producer: NCPP 2014 Wrap-Up

Wow.  I could literally just say that, drop the mic and walk away.  The best way to describe my experience with producing NCPP is: WOW!  From start to finish, I had no idea what to expect!  This adventure started over a year ago, when Amy Bond first brought the idea to me.  (You can read up on some of that HERE.)  Shit got real when Ellen stepped in, secured a location and we actually opened up the website for sign-ups in March.

Looks like a pole move to me!

I don't really know what I expected to happen.  We planned.  We planned again.  And then we planned some more.  (You can read my one-week-ago update HERE.)  And while I stressed myself out for months prior to the show by using most of my lunches, and after-work hours preparing, once it came time to set-up, I felt nothing.  Just peace.  It was the calm before the storm, I told myself.  I was certain I wouldn't sleep Friday night and even more certain I would be a ball of nerves on Saturday -- show day.  Nope.  Still all good.  I went down to Ellen's on Thursday night to organize things.  We spent Friday picking up water and supplies.  Then we got a call that Chobi, the amazing rigger from Los Angeles, was at the venue and ready to set up.  Little did we know, once we arrived, he had actually arrived two hours earlier and was *completely* set up. 

I worried I hadn't secured enough goodies for backstage.  Then I heard someone excitedly talk about the gifts we had set out.  I worried I messed up the music and maybe forgot a song or made the playlist too confusing to understand.  But, nope.  The music tech, David, commented that the playlist was one of the most organized he had ever seen.  I worried that I had nothing to worry about.  Then I worried that I was going to cause something to happen by making myself worry about nothing.  My exterior was completely calm.  Whatever happens happens, I told myself.  The day was here and we had done everything we could to make it a great event.

There was a moment when I went to run up the stairs to the sound booth and I saw my grandfather in a dark corner of the audience.  He passed away years ago and I have been told by more than one medium that he is my guardian angel.  It almost stopped me in my tracks.   He looked young and happy.  It brought tears to my eyes.  As I continued up the stairs, I realized it was actually my friend's husband sitting in the shadows.  That moment was short but it brought me even more peace.  I knew that I didn't need to worry because we had done everything possible to make the event perfect and it was going to be a great day. 

And a great event it was.  We have received tons of feedback -- almost all positive.  Most have said this was the smoothest, most positive event they had ever been a part of.  You don't know how much that means to us.  This is EXACTLY what I wanted.  If you want the pressure of competing, there are many avenues for you.  However, if you'd like to get on a big stage, with lights and music and 200 of your closest friends watching, there are not always a ton of opportunities.  I am tickled at how awesome the day was. 

Ellen and I have so many people to thank.  We thank all of the dancers (we had about 65 performances throughout the day).  We thank all of the studios in the Bay Area (and out of the Bay Area, since Southern California, Nevada and Colorado were also represented).  With the exception of perhaps two studios, everyone had a dancer representing them.  We thank the audience members who came to support the local pole community.  We thank our judges, as most traveled from out of the area.  We triple thank our volunteers, who were so amazing and jumped in to help any time we needed it.  We thank our sponsors, and our vendors, who were selling fun things in the lobby.  We thank the San Jose Stage Company, for trusting us when we were like, "no really, we're just going to put up some big metal poles in your theater and bring a bunch of people."  We thank Chobi for bringing his own rigging and keeping our dancers safe, and for also watching out for us and playing bouncer when necessary.  We thank his son, William, for coming with him and sitting all day as well!  We thank Alloy Images for their amazing photography and videography!  We thank Clif Bar for providing snacks for the backstage.  We thank Girlie Grip and Tite Grip for sending samples for the dancers to try.  We thank Poleitical Clothing, PoleandAerial.com and Girlie Grip for providing pole cleaner outfits.  And we thank PSO for providing guidance for us during the last year.  I also personally want to thank Bel and Twirly Girls for always supporting me.  Even though this event was for all of the Bay Area studios, they are my home studio.  And I especially want to thank Ellen.  NCPP could not have happened without her.  She totally gets my crazy, or at least tolerates it.  And for that, she is owed a million thanks.  I hope I didn't forget anyone.  This is why I hate giving acceptance speeches. 

Here's me not stressing out during the show

I want to go back to the dancers to talk about how special I think each and every one of them is.  I am not a performer.  I dance for Twirly Girl events or at Robert's 1220 events, but I am in no way the-best-performer-ever.  At the end of the day, I know I am safe because I am performing at home.  It takes a ton of guts to put yourself out there in a larger theater like this.  I was so proud of each and every person who took the stage.  I know some were disappointed with their routines but I did not see one bad routine last Saturday.  Thank you for bringing your heart and dancing for us.  Also, thanks for all the cool new music ideas.  I actually wrote my PDBA blog hop this month about NCPP songs.  I was only supposed to pick 10 for the blog hop but I really loved every song submitted to me. 

We received only one piece of negative feedback so far.  It's the damn bear again.  It is kind of funny to me that Pat elicits such a hateful reaction out of some people.  People either love or hate Pat -- there is no in between.  But, Pat is here to stay.  As we say in our FAQ's:  "The bear in our logo is a reference to the California “Bear Flag.”  As our showcase is in Northern California, we thought it would be fun to incorporate that into our logo.  We also want this showcase to be light and fun.  We understand you have many options for competitions, and believe that some polers are hungry to showcase their talents without the pressure of competing. This does not mean that we do not take this showcase seriously, but we believe we can put on a safe show without losing our sense of humor."  Like I said on Facebook, if hating our logo is the only negative thing anyone can come up with, then we're doing it right. 

Thanks to Alloy for catching Ellen and me crying like babies

We received a great write-up from SF Weekly.  I know some people were bummed that stripping is mentioned, but that is what the general public associates pole dancing with.  So, I don't mind the reference.  I am proud, however, that events like NCPP are showing that pole is a legitimate sport and is not just for the strip clubs anymore.  You can read that piece HERE (in fact, I urge you to leave a comment on their page so they can see how many polers there are around the world!).  

The day was surreal.  Sometimes it still feels like it didn't happen.  I feel like there is so much more I could say but I don't want to get too wordy.  So thank you again to everyone who supported us.  I am excited to announce we are already planning the show for 2015.  We are still looking for feedback, so if you would like to leave a comment below, we would love to hear what you thought about NCPP 2014!

August 2014 Blog Hop: My NCPP Pole Playlist

Last weekend, the showcase for which I am co-producer, and have been planning for a year, finally happened.  What also happened is exposure to new pole songs!

Here is my list of top 10 songs from NCPP:

Lil Darlin' by ZZ Ward
Call Me by Shinedown
Skinny Love by Birdy (I want to hate this song so bad but I just can't)
Once Upon a Dream (Maleficent soundtrack)
There was also a mix of two songs from the Lucy soundtrack (First Cells and Mr. Wang's)...very animalistic!
Take Me to Church by Hozier
Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Hunger Games: Catching Fire soundtrack)
Nothing Else Matters as covered by Godsmack
All About That Bass by Meghan Trainor
Thieves and Kings by The peach Kings

Honorable mention: Human by Krewella

I created a playlist that included performance songs and filler songs.  So I filed it with random songs from my eclectic playlist.  I figured people would either love it or hate it.  I can't tell you how many people stopped me to tell me they loved the filler music.  Score!

I will personally be dancing to All About That Bass next month.  I should probably get on creating that routine.  Thanks to Kaitlyn for some cute ideas!

So there are a few songs that may already be on your playlist but hopefully a few that are not.  Please leave some of your favorites in the comments below.  My pole playlist for Twirly Girls needs a refresher!!

July 2014 Blog Hop: Mid-Year Review

It is time for the blog hop again and we are doing a check-in!  How is 2014 going for you?

My year has been fantastic!

I got a new job, have started gaining strength, and Rob is also working.  I am out of my dark place.

When I wrote about my intentions in January, I set four goals:

Flexibility:  I am hitting up yoga 3-4 days a week.  I still feel very inflexible but I can still tell the difference now that I am doing yoga so often.  I love how I feel!!  I feel strong. 

Deal with foot issues:  My feet hurt on occasion, but for the most part, I think my surgery foot is all healed up!  If I walk A TON, it will definitely be sore, but it no longer hurts.  It is such a relief.

Do more, do less.  Weeeeellllllll....I might need to work on this a bit.  I am doing too much and I'm exhausted.  But I feel like it is all stuff I need to do.  I have to work.  I have to work out.  I have to do NCPP stuff.  I have to foster friendships by spending time with people.  Sooooo....what do you cut out?

Be healthy.  I am on a journey and I am doing really well.  Ellen is literally saving my life.  You can read my latest post on that HERE.

 Anyway, there's my quick check-in.  Now you can check out a photo journal of the past six months.  I like to say that I'll sleep when I'm dead.  If I had more money, my adventures might be more grand.  But for what I have, I feel like my life is pretty fun. 

January: Volare Variety

February: Cowboy Wild's show at 1220

February: Yoga in Lake Tahoe

March: Volare Variety

March: Twirly Girls

March: Hey look, I'm doing yogini!  hahaha!

April: Twirly Girls

April: Stiletto Night at Twirly Girls

April: Fun night at Diablo Gym

April: Lovely Rita Fundraiser

April: Twirly Girls

May: Playing Candy from Chunky Girl Comics

May: Dressed up as Snow White

May: Twirly Girls

June: Twirly Girls

June: From Liquidpulp photoshoot

June: Horseback riding on the beach

June: AIDS Walk Fundraiser...Bitches be like...

June: Twirly Girls

July: Fly Gym at Twirly Girls

July: New hair!

June: Twirly Girls

I am looking forward to the next half of the year!  Tell me how you're doing with your goals!

June 2014 Blog Hop: Body Awareness

For this month's blog hop, we are talking about body consciousness.  The official title is: The Body is Art.  We could consider questions such as "how do we honor our bodies?"  Or, "Tell the story of your body."  I feel like many of you know the story of my body, so I decided to choose this subtopic:

How has being a poler, aerial artist or athlete contributed to your awareness of your body? Are you more critical or satisfied with your body? Are you more in tuned with your body?

Oh I am very aware of my body.  I'm aware of the rolls that hang over my pants.  My thighs that spread wider than I'd like.  My chins that occasionally double up on me.  My arms that sag despite surgical intervention.  My boobs that are a little too large and low for my liking.  Yeah, I have some crazy body awareness.  I'm aware that I don't like my body much.  At the same time, I so appreciate the things it does for me.  It carries me everywhere I need to go, even when I'm in pain.  It lets me dance and do yoga.  It lets me ride a bike.  It lets me swim.  I might grump about my body, and my body may hurt sometimes (thanks to my abuse) but it still gets me to all the places I need to show up.  So I appreciate it for that.  

This is such a funny topic for me.  I am very weird about my body.  On one hand, I hide my body.  I tug at my shirt to cover my fat, even though a lot of my fat was surgically cut off years ago.  On the other hand, I put on tiny shorts on a very regular basis and dance around, often posting photos and videos to public websites.  How does that work?!

See?  I'm so shy!

I've always been a walking contradiction.  When I was at my highest weight and started getting shy about going out in public, I started working with a local band and forcing myself to go out and deal with my new-found phobia.  I had an amazing boss early in my career who always told me "the worst someone can do is say no."  They aren't going to kill me or fire me, as long as I'm asking for something reasonable.  So I've kind of applied that to my entire life.  Even when I really, really don't want to do something, I just force myself to do it.  What's the worst that can happen?  Someone doesn't like me?  Ok.  Whatever.  It gives me an air of confidence that I don't actually have.  I still go home at night wondering if people like me.

I feel that pole dancing has furthered that attitude.  Sure, I am very self-conscious about my appearance and my lack of ability to dance extremely well or do tricks.  But I still do all the shows at Twirly Girls.  I make an effort to create an interesting routine so (most) people aren't wishing I would hurry up and get off stage. I fully realize I am not putting on the most amazing routine of the night.  But still, I do it.

I can't tell you how many times I've been stopped while cosplaying as Candy of Chunky Girl Comics.  Women generally in awe that I would walk around in such small shorts.  Always telling me how much they admire me for being brave.  I guess I'm supposed to be more self-conscious about my thunder thighs.  Oh well.  I guess I always figured if I faked confidence and self-esteem, it might actually happen for me.  Fake it til you make it, right?  It must be working because people are often surprised when I say I struggle with self-esteem issues. 

I recently played around at Twirly Girls and put a video of some of my moves together (still not back to free dancing a full song well).  I am frustrated because I have lists of combos I want to try but when the music starts, I freeze.  So, rather than continuing to talk about my body, I'm going to let you watch my larger-than-average body twirling around the pole and writhing on the floor.  It's my body, and I'll do what I want with it.  If you don't like, look away.  That's my attitude!

May 2014 Blog Hop: Pole and Social Culture

This month's blog hop is about social culture and pole.  You can read our instructions HERE, but there are so many amazing quotes that Sheena found that I want to paste them in below so you don't miss them:

In the last few years, the popularity of pole dancing has grown in leaps and bounds, not to mention bumps and grinds. via the Huffington Post

What was once a dance that was synonymous with strip clubs, pole art has become an underground community that is finding its way into mainstream dance, fitness, art and culture. via the LA Times

It’s a sport that’s gaining popularity globally as a fitness trend – with ambitions for inclusion in the Olympics – but it still has an image problem. via the Guardian

This wasn’t a disco. It was no country club either. These women — and yes, men, too — have moves that are better than Jagger. The best of the best in the art and sport of pole dancing showed their stuff on Saturday, Day 2 of the third-annual Midwest Pole Dancing Competition and Convention, which drew 400 to 500 people to the Tinley Park Convention Center. via The SunTimes

There are terms a pole-dancing judge just doesn’t use at the World Pole Sports Championships. ”Spatchcock,” for instance. That’s what pole dancers usually call the maneuver Liza Szabo worked into her routine….. the old name wouldn’t do for this venue. Here, her move was officially the “FM10,” and for good reason: The meet’s organizers want to reform pole dancing into a sport respectable enough to go to the Olympics. via The Wall Street Journal

Clad in knee-high leather boots, spandex shorts and a sports bra, Xiao Yan struck a pose two feet off the ground, her head glistening with sweat and her arms straining as she suspended herself from a vertical pole. via The New York Times

Pole dance is a form of performance art, historically associated with strip clubs and dance clubs, which combines dance and acrobatics centered around a vertical pole. via  Wikipedia

These are our statistics

According to United Pole Artist, these are some of our pole dance statistics as of 2012. (we can’t substantiate these numbers at this time, fyi.)

• Number of Pole Dancers in the world:  180,000 (Provided by Bad Kitty Exotic Wear)
• Number of Pole Dancing Studios in the world: 1,200
• Number of Active Pole Dancing Countries: 70
• Number of Pole Dancing Studios in the US: 571 (Updated 5/23/12)
• First Pole Dancing Studio in the World to Open: 1994, by Fawnia Deitrich. 

Fewer and fewer people raise their eyebrows when I tell them that I pole dance.  To me, that means that pole dance is finally starting to become part of mainstream culture.  A couple of years ago, I asked how long it might take for pole to truly be accepted.  I guessed: "about a generation."  If you think about it, we're over half way there!  The first studio was opened in 1994 -- 20 years ago, but it has really been in the last 8-10 years that studios have started popping up all over the United States.  So, we're well on our way to becoming a staple in pop culture so that no one needs to make fun or call us strippers anymore (not that there's anything wrong with stripping, but you know that person means it as an insult when they say it). 

I have been trying to piece together the history of modern pole dance.  My fourth post on the topic can be read HERE (and you can follow the links back to see posts one through three).  Speaking of strippers...do you think we need to sanitize pole in order for it truly become mainstream?  You can check out that post HERE (and again, follow the links back to other posts that may be relevant).  I think part of the process is allowing men into pole studios.  I know many women feel like they need a safe place (and I think having women-only classes is fine, but women-only studios excludes a ton of people who also want to be able to express themselves through pole dance). 

Pole dance means so much to me.  I am learning to get in touch with my emotions and my body.  I have met so many amazing people, and have had so many awesome opportunities present themselves thanks to pole.  Whether it is ever truly accepted in the mainstream, I do not care.  I will forever be grateful to pole dance for the fun times over the last four and a half years (and look forward to many more to come!).

April 2014 Blog Hop: Emotions

It has been an entire month since I have written anything in this blog.  I almost missed the deadline for the blog hop.  Life has been that crazy.  Between the new job being crazy busy (but still awesome), some personal shit that I don't really want to put out in public and trying to fit in all the other stuff, like preparing for NCPP, there's just no time left in the day. 

The theme for this month's blog hop is emotionality and spirituality.  From our fearless leader, Sheena:  "Movement is the expression of life, of existence, of the universe. This movement is fluid, i.e., it is the movement of waves… undulations, vibrations, pulsations. These are the same movements that animate this body we are, this body that does plies, tendus, spirals, falls… Is dance not just another manifestation of the living breathing universe, of which we are a part?"
 

Yeah, I have issues with all of this.  I am a weird person.  I am very emotional and passionate but I often try to hide it.  It usually doesn't come out until I'm super pissed off and then it's a bad thing.  I also come from a large family so sometimes you have to be loud to be heard.  I haven't quite learned that I don't have to be that overly animated person all the time anymore.  Sometimes being loud makes people really uncomfortable.  So I have ON.  Or OFF.  No in between.  Then I sulk.  I don't like being told I'm being loud and obnoxious so then I just want to go away.  It's easier than trying to be somewhere in the middle, which isn't comfortable for me.  Trust me, I've tried.  It just doesn't work.

So dancing is helping me learn to find that middle ground with my emotions.  I think the reason I only danced to loud rock songs when I first started to pole dance was because I couldn't find my  happy place with soft music.  It made me want to cry and crying in public, in my world, is like a fate worse than death. 

The Fifth Annual Lovely Rita Fundraiser to benefit the National Kidney Foundation was held at Twirly Girls this past weekend.  I danced a very slow and quiet routine with my friend, Ginger.  The song was "Say Something," which, to me, is a song about that point in a relationship where a single word could mean the difference between a relationship continuing or completely ending.  The song represents so many aspects of my life right now.  It was the slowest I have probably moved through a routine and it was also probably the most satisfying routine I have ever done. 

 
I have been attending a class called Dance Lab at Twirly Girls, taught by the amazing AJ.  It focuses more on contemporary dance rather than pole moves.  It is helping me connect with that side of myself that I have ignored for most of my life. 

I have always loved music and have only ever enjoyed dancing in my mind or at my house with no one watching.  Joining Twirly Girls, then actually performing in public, has been a HUGE deal for me because it makes me vulnerable.  It opens me up to criticism, not just from others but from myself.  "I'm too fat to dance like that."  "I can't move the way everyone else does."  "I'm not flexible enough."  "I'm not strong enough."  "I hate that I'm so sweaty."  All that self-hate talk spills out into my dance, making me tentative and disconnected from dancing.  I am working on changing that.  And I appreciate everyone at Twirly Girls who is helping to make that happen. 

And that is who I dedicate this post to:  Every single person at Twirly Girls who supports me.  Bel.  Rita.  My entire class, especially Yolanda and Robert.  AJ.  Sean Michael.  Diana.  Jade.  Ginger.  (Please forgive me for anyone I've missed...if I named every single person individually, we'd be here all day!!)  These are all people who have personally touched my twirly life and are helping me on my personal journey of self-acceptance.  So thank you for that!  And I love you all!

My first Bodybinds post!

My first article for Bodybinds went up yesterday! I understand it may be a little less risque than the bb crowd is used to but I do feel that keeping your body in shape helps us all feel a little more sexy! 

 "If you are looking for a well-rounded work-out and want to get the most bang for your buck, then an option worth exploring is yoga. Depending on the type of class you choose, you may be able to combine weight training (using your own body weight), cardio (flow) and stretching in a single class."

Read the rest of the post HERE.

Happy 4th Bloggerversary to Confessions of a Twirly Girl!

Today, Confessions of a Twirly Girl turns four years old!  You can read my post from last year HERE. 

There's so much the same as last year (and pretty much every year lately).  Learn to love myself no matter what the scale says and try harder at pole.  One big change is coming up.  I found a job only two blocks from my home, so I'll be able to walk to work in two short weeks.  I will get almost two hours a day of my life back and no more crazy BART stories!  I have been consistently going to yoga and pole for the last few months and I'm finally seeing some changes in my body.  Last night, I took a photo for the PDBA photo challenge and I could actually see some muscles in my legs again!  WOOHOO!

So here are some stats on my blog.

My pole-friendly Facebook profile had 2,300 friends last year.  This year, I'm down to 2,092.  That is partially due to me removing people I NEVER interacted with or thought might be spam profiles.  The Confessions fan page has 1,653 fans. 

Last year, I had about 1,400 Twitter followers.  Now, I'm up to almost 1,600.

Last year, my blog had a little under 165,000 views (now that I'm running Google Analytics, I am learning that the blog most likely counts each page view, and Analytics will just count the first visit to your site, so their numbers are slightly lower than my blog stats report).  This year, my all-time page view count is at 306,324.

What does all of this mean?  Not much.  It just means there are at least a few people who understand my struggles and perhaps enjoy my rants a bit.  You don't come to my page because you want to learn amazing pole tricks.  You come to discuss how we are all on our own journeys and we feel better knowing that we are in good company.  For that, I am very grateful.  Thank you again to each and every one of you who reads my blog.

So, what's new in the last year?  

I have been asked to be a Board Member for the Pole Dancing Bloggers Association.  We host monthly blog hops and weekly photo challenges.  We would love to get more people involved.  Even if you aren't a blogger, you can still participate in the photo challenges. 

I am still in the process of planning the Northern California Pole Presentational.  We almost have our location locked down and will be making an official announcement SOON. 

I want to thank everyone who takes the time to read my posts and would love to know more about you.  If you'd like to post a comment with your name and where you're from, I'd love to hear from you!

PDBA and BodyBinds!

I am very excited to be included as one of BodyBinds' new lifestyle bloggers.  Please read the PDBA announcement HERE. 

I am especially excited to try out BodyBinds to see if they will stretch to accommodate my ample body.  Please keep an eye on BodyBinds' website and the PDBA fan site for upcoming articles from some pole bloggers that I truly admire and adore!

What kind of articles would you like to see on the BodyBinds site?  Are you interested in costuming tips?  Healthy recipes?  I'm taking requests here!  

January 2014 Blog Hop: Setting My Intentions For The Year

This month's PDBA blog hop is about setting goals, intentions...or that yucky word, resolutions.  Why is that word so horrible to me?  A resolution tells me I'm doing something wrong, and need to do it better.  Even if it's the truth, sometimes you aren't ready to hear it.  Setting goals makes me feel shitty since I'm four years into pole dancing and still not hitting many of the goals I set early on in my pole dancing "career."  So many what-ifs.  What if I hadn't gotten a hip injury a few months into pole dancing?  What if I didn't have to start commuting to San Francisco for work?  What if I didn't get a bone spur in my right foot, causing me to have foot surgery?  What if I didn't have a problem in my left foot now?  What if I didn't gain a bunch of weight?

So I am going to set some intentions.  They seem like so much less pressure than resolutions or goals. 

January 2013

Flexibility - especially back-bending.  I am not a flexible person.  Even in 2008/2009, when I was "in shape" and going to yoga three times a week religiously, I was not a flexible person.  That is all the more reason to work as hard as I can to stay "flexible" -- well my version of flexible, which is still very inflexible by many others' standards.  My body hurts when I don't do yoga, and I lose a lot of muscle.  So there are many incentives to continue with my yoga practice.

Deal with my foot issues without beating myself up.  I am frustrated beyond belief.  I started this job in San Francisco in October 2012, and almost immediately started getting a pain in my right foot.  It was weird to me because the extra walking and standing on BART to and from work shouldn't have caused it, as I was fairly active already.  The only thing I could come up with was that I went from wearing flip flops every day to wearing "real" shoes.  (By the way, I was wearing good contoured flip flops and not dollar shoes from Old Navy, since everyone seems to mention that.)  Anyway, my body had clearly gotten used to walking in flip flops, and moving to shoes (and probably the extra walking and standing) irritated my plantar fascia, which started touching the bone spur and swelling.  Lucky me.  Flash forward to August 2013, where I have surgery to release the plantar fascia.  I took a month off work and two months off exercising.  I returned to exercise a tiny bit too soon.  Now that I'm back into it, that foot still hasn't fully healed.  It doesn't hurt as much but there is still swelling, which could eventually lead to the fascia touching the spur and hurting again.  It also feels like the integrity of my foot has been compromised and the foot in general just hurts every day, all day.  Foot pain sucks...there's no way not to walk on your foot so every step is a jarring reminder that you hurt. 

December 2013

And from limping, then walking in a moon boot on my right foot, my left foot -- which I call the "good foot" -- started to hurt within the last couple of months.  In April 2013, I actually stepped down really hard on that foot and got a jarring pain.  The next two days, I couldn't walk on it.  I thought I had a hairline fracture.  My regular doctor (not the podiatrist treating my right foot) felt like it was no big deal, it seemed to heal up.  But now that I have limped on it and maybe since the weather has gotten extremely cold (yes the 30's is cold for California), the pain is excruciating.  It is slightly different pain than the right foot, so maybe I did actually break it back in April, but if I push around on my heel, I can "make" it hurt like the other foot, so who knows.  I have another doctor's appointment in two weeks (with my podiatrist).  Frustrating. 

I often like to say, here is the reason I'm doing something.  It may sound like an excuse, but it is simply the reason.  No, I can't go run 5k's, because neither of my feet is physically able to handle that kind of pounding.  I can cycle a bit and do yoga.  But even walking for short distances leaves me in a lot of pain.  If we're talking about the 0-10 scale, I wake up as a 3-4 and am up to an 8 by mid-day.  Every time I stand up, I get to steady myself and kind of warm my feet up before I take a step so I don't topple.  Anyway, I'm trying not to whine about it, and also trying not to be mad at myself about things out of my control.  Would my pain be lessened by some weight loss?  It's possible.  But it's not a guarantee.  It is difficult for me to lose weight quickly (especially when my exercise is limited).  It has to be a combination of exercise and better food choices.  (I have officially been counting calories for about two months and go up and down the same five pounds, so no true/real loss yet.  No, I'm not eating hidden calories or "forgetting" to count everything I eat.)  But I will never be that person who can drop 20 pounds in two weeks by doing a liquid diet.  That pushes my brain into crazy mode and causes a binge, which leads to weight gain.  I've been playing this game for a long time.  I play by my own rules but that's just how it has to be.  (By the way, pushing pyramid scheme diet products on me isn't helpful and is actually extremely rude.  Also pointing out I've gained weight and need to do something doesn't motivate me.  It really makes me want to no longer be friends.) 

Do more.  Do less.  I plan to do more of the things that make me happy this year and do less of the things that I feel obligated to do, but don't enjoy.  Certainly, there will be things I have to do because I AM obligated to do them.  But I truly can't attend the birthday parties of every child of every acquaintance that I have.  It's just not feasible.  I also plan to spend less time with people who feel that they need to guilt me into it.  I enjoy my friends, I really do.  And I am a busy person.  It's not a game I play to feel important or special, it just is what it is.  But the number of people who feel the need to make snide remarks about how little time I have or make for them aren't people I need to spend time with at all.  I'm all about making my down time fun and relaxing.  I am excited, however, to do more in the pole dancing world.  I am still excited about future projects in the works with the Pole Dancing Bloggers Association and am working hard on getting that Nor Cal pole competition set up this summer with Amy Bond. 

Be Healthy.  Not just with food and exercise, but with my work life, my home life and every part of my life in between.  Everything requires some kind of balance. 

*****

I am at a cross-roads, that is for sure.  Either I can throw the towel in and call it a day, or I can make the effort to get up every day and make it a good one.  For now, I am making the effort and I appreciate every one of you who reads my blog and sends me messages letting me know we are all on our own journey. 

Please tell me if you are setting goals or resolutions (or intentions) for the new year.  I'd love to hear them!