July 2014 Blog Hop: Mid-Year Review

It is time for the blog hop again and we are doing a check-in!  How is 2014 going for you?

My year has been fantastic!

I got a new job, have started gaining strength, and Rob is also working.  I am out of my dark place.

When I wrote about my intentions in January, I set four goals:

Flexibility:  I am hitting up yoga 3-4 days a week.  I still feel very inflexible but I can still tell the difference now that I am doing yoga so often.  I love how I feel!!  I feel strong. 

Deal with foot issues:  My feet hurt on occasion, but for the most part, I think my surgery foot is all healed up!  If I walk A TON, it will definitely be sore, but it no longer hurts.  It is such a relief.

Do more, do less.  Weeeeellllllll....I might need to work on this a bit.  I am doing too much and I'm exhausted.  But I feel like it is all stuff I need to do.  I have to work.  I have to work out.  I have to do NCPP stuff.  I have to foster friendships by spending time with people.  Sooooo....what do you cut out?

Be healthy.  I am on a journey and I am doing really well.  Ellen is literally saving my life.  You can read my latest post on that HERE.

 Anyway, there's my quick check-in.  Now you can check out a photo journal of the past six months.  I like to say that I'll sleep when I'm dead.  If I had more money, my adventures might be more grand.  But for what I have, I feel like my life is pretty fun. 

January: Volare Variety

February: Cowboy Wild's show at 1220

February: Yoga in Lake Tahoe

March: Volare Variety

March: Twirly Girls

March: Hey look, I'm doing yogini!  hahaha!

April: Twirly Girls

April: Stiletto Night at Twirly Girls

April: Fun night at Diablo Gym

April: Lovely Rita Fundraiser

April: Twirly Girls

May: Playing Candy from Chunky Girl Comics

May: Dressed up as Snow White

May: Twirly Girls

June: Twirly Girls

June: From Liquidpulp photoshoot

June: Horseback riding on the beach

June: AIDS Walk Fundraiser...Bitches be like...

June: Twirly Girls

July: Fly Gym at Twirly Girls

July: New hair!

June: Twirly Girls

I am looking forward to the next half of the year!  Tell me how you're doing with your goals!

January 2014 Blog Hop: Setting My Intentions For The Year

This month's PDBA blog hop is about setting goals, intentions...or that yucky word, resolutions.  Why is that word so horrible to me?  A resolution tells me I'm doing something wrong, and need to do it better.  Even if it's the truth, sometimes you aren't ready to hear it.  Setting goals makes me feel shitty since I'm four years into pole dancing and still not hitting many of the goals I set early on in my pole dancing "career."  So many what-ifs.  What if I hadn't gotten a hip injury a few months into pole dancing?  What if I didn't have to start commuting to San Francisco for work?  What if I didn't get a bone spur in my right foot, causing me to have foot surgery?  What if I didn't have a problem in my left foot now?  What if I didn't gain a bunch of weight?

So I am going to set some intentions.  They seem like so much less pressure than resolutions or goals. 

January 2013

Flexibility - especially back-bending.  I am not a flexible person.  Even in 2008/2009, when I was "in shape" and going to yoga three times a week religiously, I was not a flexible person.  That is all the more reason to work as hard as I can to stay "flexible" -- well my version of flexible, which is still very inflexible by many others' standards.  My body hurts when I don't do yoga, and I lose a lot of muscle.  So there are many incentives to continue with my yoga practice.

Deal with my foot issues without beating myself up.  I am frustrated beyond belief.  I started this job in San Francisco in October 2012, and almost immediately started getting a pain in my right foot.  It was weird to me because the extra walking and standing on BART to and from work shouldn't have caused it, as I was fairly active already.  The only thing I could come up with was that I went from wearing flip flops every day to wearing "real" shoes.  (By the way, I was wearing good contoured flip flops and not dollar shoes from Old Navy, since everyone seems to mention that.)  Anyway, my body had clearly gotten used to walking in flip flops, and moving to shoes (and probably the extra walking and standing) irritated my plantar fascia, which started touching the bone spur and swelling.  Lucky me.  Flash forward to August 2013, where I have surgery to release the plantar fascia.  I took a month off work and two months off exercising.  I returned to exercise a tiny bit too soon.  Now that I'm back into it, that foot still hasn't fully healed.  It doesn't hurt as much but there is still swelling, which could eventually lead to the fascia touching the spur and hurting again.  It also feels like the integrity of my foot has been compromised and the foot in general just hurts every day, all day.  Foot pain sucks...there's no way not to walk on your foot so every step is a jarring reminder that you hurt. 

December 2013

And from limping, then walking in a moon boot on my right foot, my left foot -- which I call the "good foot" -- started to hurt within the last couple of months.  In April 2013, I actually stepped down really hard on that foot and got a jarring pain.  The next two days, I couldn't walk on it.  I thought I had a hairline fracture.  My regular doctor (not the podiatrist treating my right foot) felt like it was no big deal, it seemed to heal up.  But now that I have limped on it and maybe since the weather has gotten extremely cold (yes the 30's is cold for California), the pain is excruciating.  It is slightly different pain than the right foot, so maybe I did actually break it back in April, but if I push around on my heel, I can "make" it hurt like the other foot, so who knows.  I have another doctor's appointment in two weeks (with my podiatrist).  Frustrating. 

I often like to say, here is the reason I'm doing something.  It may sound like an excuse, but it is simply the reason.  No, I can't go run 5k's, because neither of my feet is physically able to handle that kind of pounding.  I can cycle a bit and do yoga.  But even walking for short distances leaves me in a lot of pain.  If we're talking about the 0-10 scale, I wake up as a 3-4 and am up to an 8 by mid-day.  Every time I stand up, I get to steady myself and kind of warm my feet up before I take a step so I don't topple.  Anyway, I'm trying not to whine about it, and also trying not to be mad at myself about things out of my control.  Would my pain be lessened by some weight loss?  It's possible.  But it's not a guarantee.  It is difficult for me to lose weight quickly (especially when my exercise is limited).  It has to be a combination of exercise and better food choices.  (I have officially been counting calories for about two months and go up and down the same five pounds, so no true/real loss yet.  No, I'm not eating hidden calories or "forgetting" to count everything I eat.)  But I will never be that person who can drop 20 pounds in two weeks by doing a liquid diet.  That pushes my brain into crazy mode and causes a binge, which leads to weight gain.  I've been playing this game for a long time.  I play by my own rules but that's just how it has to be.  (By the way, pushing pyramid scheme diet products on me isn't helpful and is actually extremely rude.  Also pointing out I've gained weight and need to do something doesn't motivate me.  It really makes me want to no longer be friends.) 

Do more.  Do less.  I plan to do more of the things that make me happy this year and do less of the things that I feel obligated to do, but don't enjoy.  Certainly, there will be things I have to do because I AM obligated to do them.  But I truly can't attend the birthday parties of every child of every acquaintance that I have.  It's just not feasible.  I also plan to spend less time with people who feel that they need to guilt me into it.  I enjoy my friends, I really do.  And I am a busy person.  It's not a game I play to feel important or special, it just is what it is.  But the number of people who feel the need to make snide remarks about how little time I have or make for them aren't people I need to spend time with at all.  I'm all about making my down time fun and relaxing.  I am excited, however, to do more in the pole dancing world.  I am still excited about future projects in the works with the Pole Dancing Bloggers Association and am working hard on getting that Nor Cal pole competition set up this summer with Amy Bond. 

Be Healthy.  Not just with food and exercise, but with my work life, my home life and every part of my life in between.  Everything requires some kind of balance. 

*****

I am at a cross-roads, that is for sure.  Either I can throw the towel in and call it a day, or I can make the effort to get up every day and make it a good one.  For now, I am making the effort and I appreciate every one of you who reads my blog and sends me messages letting me know we are all on our own journey. 

Please tell me if you are setting goals or resolutions (or intentions) for the new year.  I'd love to hear them!

For the LOVE of Pole

This month, for the blog hop, we are talking about love.  That can mean a lot of things to a lot of people.  I struggle with the concept of love.  I didn't grow up with a super lovey huggy family, so I am not super affectionate and loving.  It's something I struggle with.  Don't get me wrong, I can love me the shit outta some cake, but I have a harder time connecting with people.  I have my public persona and my private persona.  And even in close relationships, I have a hard time letting that private persona out. 

So today, in order to avoid some of my issues, I'll be talking about the love of pole.  I have been struggling in my relationship with the pole.  I am not the strongest in tricks, nor am I experienced as a dancer.  So, I feel like I don't have as much to offer when I perform.  I have worked really hard on my flow and being aware of my arms and legs, so that they look "pretty" when I move them.  But most of my performances are all smoke and mirrors to hide the fact that the most advance pole move I usually do is a back hook spin. When performing in front of non-polers, I can still fairly impress people. 

This weekend was a big one for me in my pole life.

Saturday, Sean Michael took over the Triple Tease (Tricks, Twirls and Transitions) class on Saturday mornings.  I had a really great class.  He is so patient and was able to talk me into moves that I haven't been able to do before.  I also learned some new spins.  And he gave me some exercises to help with strength.  I have a list a mile long of pole goals, but I am starting with basics.  I need a strong climb and a strong sit.  I am really excited to get back into a regular class.  Since starting my job in San Francisco, I haven't been able to go to the Wednesday night class.  I want to feel like I am continuing to learn so that I can teach my Monday night class, Boys, Girls and Twirls, some new moves. 

Saturday night, we set the x-stage up for Robert's fundraiser.  I performed in front of a non-Twirly Girl audience!  I performed in front of family and friends!  It was really cool.  I will write more about that later.  It was a really exciting night, though, and it further solidified my love of pole.

On Sunday, I took a choreography workshop with Amber Richard.  I love that Amber is tall like me, and has really strong and beautiful legs.  In LA, she teaches a class called Rock Hard Bodies.  And she has one.  But she's also still very feminine.  You can tell that she's strong and in amazing shape.  But her muscles aren't so ridiculously pronounced that she looks like a man.  Anyway, we worked on a little routine.  Even though I have a lot of strength to build before I can make my moves look like hers (if I ever do...she has a background in ballet and is way more flexible than I am), I was able to struggle into each of the moves she taught, even if only for a few seconds.

I realize I come on here every six months or so talking about how I've found my motivation, but this time I really do need to stick to a fitness routine, which will help me get stronger for pole.  I did join the 24 Hour Fitness near my house and am going to start hitting up some cycle classes to help get this big ol' legs in shape.  I do love pole dancing.  Even though I have been tired and grumpy lately, I love coming to class and smiling and laughing.  So, for the love of pole, I will stick to my routine so I can meet my goals.  Finally!

POLE GOALS!

Time for a Pole Goals update.  This month, for the blog hop, I listed realistic pole goals that I can actually attain in the near future. 

I am already on track for my weekly class to learn and recently found out that the amazing Sean Michael will be teaching it!  That will help me with my second goal, which is to continue working on flow and technique as well.  And may also inadvertently help me with tricks since Sean Michael is great at tricks.  My third goal was exercise and I just joined a brand new 24 Hour Fitness within walking disance of my house.  So those goals are coming along.

As for my long-term pole goals, you can read up on some of those adventures HERE.  I feel like I'm essentially starting at square one with all of these.  So here are some photos to mark the beginning of my journey. 

Handstands/Bow and Arrow from a Handstand

Sure, I can do handstands.  But I need some serious work on my core so I can lift into them more gently.  I also need to work on flexibility of my hips and back to help with splits and bow and arrow.

These photos are from Twirly Girls just a week or so ago.

Splits

I don't even have any good photos.  My splits are definitely worse than they used to be.  Losing my yoga class really hurt me in a ton of different ways.  I have a new yoga place that I really like but money is always a factor, as is time.  Plus, I was out of the game for over a year and I lost a lot of flexibility.  I really wish I could afford to go three times a week so I could catch up faster. 

You can see my old splits pics HERE.

Interesting article: http://stadion.com/column_stretch01.html

Dancer/Backbends/General Flexibility

I just don't have a flexible back.  It's one of the things I'm working on, but I don't know if I will ever be flexible in that way.  I know it looks like I'm just making myself into a table top in a couple of these photos but that really is me thinking I'm doing a backbend. 

backbend?

dancer

downward dog

look, I'm a table!

arched back

Climbing

I am still not a strong climber.  I really just need to get up there and do it.  I just find that if I don't get the climb the first time, I get upset and sweaty, which makes it harder to climb.  But the more I do it, the easier it will become.  Something else to work on.

points for climbing in stockings

Inverson/Inverted Crucifix

I have been making this goal since I started pole dancing.  I am still just as far away.  It's a core/mind-f$%* issue.  I see girls my size or bigger doing them, so I know I can do it.  Even if I can't invert, I feel like I should be able to back into a handstand and inverted crucifix.  My legs just don't stick.  I don't know if that's a real issue or a brain issue.  It's still a goal.  The first pic is from May 2012, with two people making sure I didn't slide.  I can go up backwards (in other words, directly from a handstand, not from an inversion, then coming down into a handstand) but I can't let go.

Cross-Knee or Cross-Ankle Release

Besides my other obvious strength and brain issues, this one is going to be interesting.  My friend pointed out when I do certain moves, I don't lock my ankles properly.  And I'm not sure if my legs have the flexiblity to lock right!  So this one may be a long time coming. 

Lying Lady/Plank

I posted THIS about wanting to look like Lo when I do Lying Lady or Plank.  Yeah the upside down (almost) thing still alludes me.  So this is another work in progress.

Half Iguana Mount

I am not strong enough to hold my whole body weight but I should be able to master half iguana mount.  I feel like it will be a good way for me to also start working on goals such as being able to pull myself up into a sit from a handstand.  As long as I am in yoga, I seem to have the shoulder flexibility for it.  I just need to work on that core strength.

Handstand/Iguana Mount into leg wrap and then sitting up to the pole

Someday this will happen.  Some day.  It will let me do all kinds of cool things. 

Superman

I had stockings on for my pole goal pics (not recommended) so Superman wasn't even a possibility.  I did do it from the floor once.  Bruised myself really pretty as well! 

Fan kick to a pole sit

This is another flexibility issue.  I also kicked the pole once and bruised the shit out of my toe.  Owie.  But it's so pretty and I want to master it!!!!

Jasmine (Marley...or whatever other name you want to insert here)

Poorly done since I don't want to kick out the top arm or bottom leg but here's my start.  I also am getting into it from the floor, not from an invert.  The first picture is from August 2012.  The other one is from last week.  In stockings again.  Dumbo. 

Iron X

Sure, I should be worried about inverting first.  Maybe doing some Ayshas or pencils, or other moves.  But I feel like I should go big or go home.  It's going to happen.

I believe this is Rafaela from Brazil

Long term goal of becoming certified

I talked about becoming x-pert certified HERE.  I had wanted to get certified this year, but money and time may be an issue.  Also, some of my favorite pole stars recently separated from x-pert.  So I am kind of waiting to see where they are going before I decide where to become certified.  I also want to be a little stronger before I go.  I don't want to waste money if I can't do 75% of the moves.

Grips

One last goal is to understand (truly) split grip versus twisted grips (and maybe I'm using the wrong words here).  I mean, I understand the hand placement and realize there is some benefit to using twisted grips.  But I also hear it torques your body in a bad way.  Can I monkey wrench my way into some of these moves before I'm ready?  I don't need anymore injuries thought (tennis elbow on left arm, healing hyper-extended knee on left leg, left hip issues leads to lower back issues, bone spur in right heel, along with plantar fasciitis, and on and on).  So I want to do some research so I "get" it fully.  If anyone has any ideas, I'd love help!

And I'd also like to hear about your pole goals and how you are reaching them.